I know some of you have been on this treacherous road of detaching from our older kids, our adult kids....... and if you have a story or some advice or support I would appreciate it............ As you know, I am presently disconnected from my difficult child. And, yesterday, the thought occurred to me that she is out there penniless, almost homeless, alone, scared, in a terrible place............and SO and I went out to dinner, I bought a new freezer, I had a massage, I gave my granddaughter money for something unnecessary...........you get the picture, I am spending my money on me, on my life, no longer giving it to my difficult child. There were a few moments last night where that felt very, very weird, and not in a good way. I told my SO, "you're going to have to talk me down off the ceiling on this one" and he really did. He helped a lot by mentioning how much I've paid for her, I paid all her bills most of last year, got her to a level place where she could have gotten a job or made some choices to see the Social Worker at NAMI who said he could help get her on disability or Social Security and get her into programs for housing, employment, medication, etc. But she refused to cooperate with anything, and now we've reached this point, where all of my efforts were for naught and her life has spiraled so far down, I have no idea how she will pull herself up. I told her a couple of days ago I would go with her to the Social Worker and we could talk about options ..........and I don't hear from her. I do believe I am doing the right thing by detaching from her life, but ......................the reality of my having my own life to live which is nourishing and abundant while hers is filled with scarcity and darkness is difficult. Last week my therapist used this phrase that I have "absorbed the deficiencies of others" for my whole life. Certainly makes sense considering all the mental illness in my family. I know it's not healthy to continue that, and of course, it depletes me of everything, including money. This is another transition for me, to learn to allow myself to be comfortable when my difficult child is not. Ugh. Goes against so much in a mothers heart. And, yet, everyone around me, two therapists, a whole group of other mothers, my friends, you guys, everyone says this is the right thing to do, and it is. But, it can feel really bad too. I've always given away so much to my family, in every way, this new episode with my difficult child is really the end of that very long pattern, so it's been a way of life for me in many ways. I would like to hear how others maneuver through this particular part of the detachment process. It is always helpful to know, first of all that I'm not alone, and secondly, how you walked this path.