Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A strange balance point
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 620911" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh RE I am so sorry. I am sorry that your precious daughter is going back 'round again. Arghhhhhhhh. So close, like you said. </p><p></p><p>And I am so glad that you had a great getaway weekend. What a gift.</p><p></p><p>This morning, in Al-Anon, two people talked about situations with their own adult kids that they heard about....AFTER. After the crisis had passed and it had been handled. And they talked about how glad they were and are that they didn't know it all when it was going on.</p><p></p><p>That's what you are saying. You're saying: Daughter, I just don't need to know anymore. I love you, I wish you only good things in this world, and I just don't need to know the details. </p><p></p><p>Of course, if and when your daughter and my son have some good things to talk about for a while, I DO want to know all the details. Just indulge me this one time---it's been so long---and then I will go back to detachment (lol!).</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Well, I will tell you, RE, just like I imagine you are telling me---feel the pain, for a while, but don't suffer. It is painful when our difficult children go back 'round again. We wish so much for them to be on a new, better path. </p><p></p><p>To quote your wise words, you "can make this a crisis, or realize it is what it is..." It is like you said, her choice, her actions and now, her consequences. </p><p></p><p>I ordered and started reading tonight, When the Servant Becomes the Master. I'm just on about page 50. Jason Powers (MD), a recovering addict himself, has gathered a lot of current research and knowledge about addiction. The book was written in 2012. He is talking about that delicate balance of disease and choice. It IS a disease, and there are also choices involved. </p><p></p><p>He is pointing out our archaic thinking about the disease of addiction, nationally. One day, RE, perhaps there will be a different protocol regarding addiction. We don't know when, if or how---OR if it will be effective or not. Right now, here is what we DO know: Nothing we tried, out of our love and best intentions and common sense and with the support/guidance/counsel/direction of professionals, has worked. The disease marches on. </p><p></p><p>Maybe there is a path not yet tried that doesn't wait for our precious loved ones to finally see themselves that the ONLY way to sanity is to admit their own powerlessness and let others come alongside them to help, and that they must not rely on their own understanding, but must submit to others their will and trust another way. </p><p></p><p>Until then. Until then, we must detach with love, stand by with compassion and 'wait in the wings' for our precious adult children to discover their own paths in their own time on their own. If and when they do, and they ask for help, we will help, there is no doubt. </p><p></p><p>And in the meantime, as we wait and hope and pray, let us go to California for long weekends and fish at a beautiful lake and enjoy our own lives. We only have this one day, this one night. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and prayers and everything good tonight is coming from me to you. Rest in your weekend and know we are here for you when you can write.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 620911, member: 17542"] Oh RE I am so sorry. I am sorry that your precious daughter is going back 'round again. Arghhhhhhhh. So close, like you said. And I am so glad that you had a great getaway weekend. What a gift. This morning, in Al-Anon, two people talked about situations with their own adult kids that they heard about....AFTER. After the crisis had passed and it had been handled. And they talked about how glad they were and are that they didn't know it all when it was going on. That's what you are saying. You're saying: Daughter, I just don't need to know anymore. I love you, I wish you only good things in this world, and I just don't need to know the details. Of course, if and when your daughter and my son have some good things to talk about for a while, I DO want to know all the details. Just indulge me this one time---it's been so long---and then I will go back to detachment (lol!). Well, I will tell you, RE, just like I imagine you are telling me---feel the pain, for a while, but don't suffer. It is painful when our difficult children go back 'round again. We wish so much for them to be on a new, better path. To quote your wise words, you "can make this a crisis, or realize it is what it is..." It is like you said, her choice, her actions and now, her consequences. I ordered and started reading tonight, When the Servant Becomes the Master. I'm just on about page 50. Jason Powers (MD), a recovering addict himself, has gathered a lot of current research and knowledge about addiction. The book was written in 2012. He is talking about that delicate balance of disease and choice. It IS a disease, and there are also choices involved. He is pointing out our archaic thinking about the disease of addiction, nationally. One day, RE, perhaps there will be a different protocol regarding addiction. We don't know when, if or how---OR if it will be effective or not. Right now, here is what we DO know: Nothing we tried, out of our love and best intentions and common sense and with the support/guidance/counsel/direction of professionals, has worked. The disease marches on. Maybe there is a path not yet tried that doesn't wait for our precious loved ones to finally see themselves that the ONLY way to sanity is to admit their own powerlessness and let others come alongside them to help, and that they must not rely on their own understanding, but must submit to others their will and trust another way. Until then. Until then, we must detach with love, stand by with compassion and 'wait in the wings' for our precious adult children to discover their own paths in their own time on their own. If and when they do, and they ask for help, we will help, there is no doubt. And in the meantime, as we wait and hope and pray, let us go to California for long weekends and fish at a beautiful lake and enjoy our own lives. We only have this one day, this one night. Hugs and prayers and everything good tonight is coming from me to you. Rest in your weekend and know we are here for you when you can write. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A strange balance point
Top