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A strange balance point
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 621041" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is going to sound harsh, Recovering. The truth is, you are in a hard, harsh place. </p><p></p><p>"When she gets out, she will...have nothing."</p><p></p><p>That is simply the truth, Recovering. Strip it of its emotional components so you can see.</p><p></p><p>You may already have done this. If not, call Social Services now and find out what is available, what will happen for your daughter when she is released, if you do nothing. This is not an end point, Recovering. It is a time of choice. Right now, you have time.</p><p></p><p>You have the gift of time, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Use it to learn where you are.</p><p></p><p>There was a time when I researched shelters where my daughter was. I called them myself, Recovering. That is how I learned true things about where <strong>I</strong> was. I was able to learn so little Recovering, just a sliver, the tiniest sliver, that I had not known, before. But that sliver of information was enough.</p><p></p><p>I was able to see. So, I was able to begin to find landmarks familiar to me.</p><p></p><p>And I made a decision, and I was out of the fog.</p><p></p><p>Any smallest factual thing, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Breathing room. That is all you need to do, this morning. Find a space to breathe. Deep, clear breath.</p><p></p><p>You are stronger, better prepared for this, than you know.</p><p></p><p>It will be hard. You have done harder things.</p><p></p><p>********************</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Something I did not tell you all about difficult child daughter's decision to return to the father of her 14 year old is that difficult child was afraid to do that without transportation out of there if it should be needed. To reinstate her license cost us $1000. There were other fees and shortages over the next week or two around the issue of license plates and etc. </p><p></p><p>difficult child daughter lost her license again shortly thereafter.</p><p></p><p>She needs fines paid and etc again, now.</p><p></p><p>We said no.</p><p></p><p>Her truck is in impound, as her van was, when we got home last Spring.</p><p></p><p>Recovering, I'm so sorry...but this is not your problem. Unless I am wrong ~ and I could be ~ there is nothing you can do for your daughter that will not be undone in the blink of an eye. </p><p></p><p>As it was undone, Recovering, last time.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry. I know what this feels like, and I'm sorry, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>******************************</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Please do not take the call until you know where you are.</p><p></p><p>It has worked wonders for me to be able to say to my daughter: </p><p></p><p>"You are not a beggar. I want you independent and healthy and strong. You don't need me, ex-husband, anyone. I love you."</p><p></p><p>It was after the first few times I told her something like that that difficult child daughter related the story about panhandling. The one where the woman was going to give difficult child daughter a quarter. The man she was with reached over, covered the woman's hand, and said, "Don't encourage the beggars, dear."</p><p></p><p>difficult child daughter and I had a good laugh over that one.</p><p></p><p>Except for me.</p><p></p><p>*********************************</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You haven't lost anything new, Recovering. You never had those things you fought so hard to have, those relationships you forged from the wreckage of what might have been, of what should have been.</p><p></p><p>There is a kind of freedom in this thought, in this new understanding, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Do you see it?</p><p></p><p>We never had those things, Recovering. Not in our families of origin, and not in the families we created. We have been fighting for the dream, for a dream.</p><p></p><p>A chimera.</p><p></p><p>We cannot lose something that never existed.</p><p></p><p>So, we haven't lost anything real.</p><p></p><p>All that is left, once we can see that so clearly...is our courage in having fought for those good things.</p><p></p><p>Courage.</p><p></p><p>A distillation of courage.</p><p></p><p>*************************</p><p></p><p>I am so happy to give back to you, Recovering. You have given and given so much to me, to all of us here. So maybe we are creating the generosity, the appreciation, the sincerity of motive and purpose we sowed into our families...here.</p><p></p><p>Nothing is lost Recovering, in the tapestry's creation.</p><p></p><p>There is purpose, there is meaning.</p><p></p><p>We just don't know what it is.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 621041, member: 17461"] This is going to sound harsh, Recovering. The truth is, you are in a hard, harsh place. "When she gets out, she will...have nothing." That is simply the truth, Recovering. Strip it of its emotional components so you can see. You may already have done this. If not, call Social Services now and find out what is available, what will happen for your daughter when she is released, if you do nothing. This is not an end point, Recovering. It is a time of choice. Right now, you have time. You have the gift of time, Recovering. Use it to learn where you are. There was a time when I researched shelters where my daughter was. I called them myself, Recovering. That is how I learned true things about where [B]I[/B] was. I was able to learn so little Recovering, just a sliver, the tiniest sliver, that I had not known, before. But that sliver of information was enough. I was able to see. So, I was able to begin to find landmarks familiar to me. And I made a decision, and I was out of the fog. Any smallest factual thing, Recovering. Breathing room. That is all you need to do, this morning. Find a space to breathe. Deep, clear breath. You are stronger, better prepared for this, than you know. It will be hard. You have done harder things. ******************** Something I did not tell you all about difficult child daughter's decision to return to the father of her 14 year old is that difficult child was afraid to do that without transportation out of there if it should be needed. To reinstate her license cost us $1000. There were other fees and shortages over the next week or two around the issue of license plates and etc. difficult child daughter lost her license again shortly thereafter. She needs fines paid and etc again, now. We said no. Her truck is in impound, as her van was, when we got home last Spring. Recovering, I'm so sorry...but this is not your problem. Unless I am wrong ~ and I could be ~ there is nothing you can do for your daughter that will not be undone in the blink of an eye. As it was undone, Recovering, last time. I'm sorry. I know what this feels like, and I'm sorry, Recovering. ****************************** Please do not take the call until you know where you are. It has worked wonders for me to be able to say to my daughter: "You are not a beggar. I want you independent and healthy and strong. You don't need me, ex-husband, anyone. I love you." It was after the first few times I told her something like that that difficult child daughter related the story about panhandling. The one where the woman was going to give difficult child daughter a quarter. The man she was with reached over, covered the woman's hand, and said, "Don't encourage the beggars, dear." difficult child daughter and I had a good laugh over that one. Except for me. ********************************* You haven't lost anything new, Recovering. You never had those things you fought so hard to have, those relationships you forged from the wreckage of what might have been, of what should have been. There is a kind of freedom in this thought, in this new understanding, Recovering. Do you see it? We never had those things, Recovering. Not in our families of origin, and not in the families we created. We have been fighting for the dream, for a dream. A chimera. We cannot lose something that never existed. So, we haven't lost anything real. All that is left, once we can see that so clearly...is our courage in having fought for those good things. Courage. A distillation of courage. ************************* I am so happy to give back to you, Recovering. You have given and given so much to me, to all of us here. So maybe we are creating the generosity, the appreciation, the sincerity of motive and purpose we sowed into our families...here. Nothing is lost Recovering, in the tapestry's creation. There is purpose, there is meaning. We just don't know what it is. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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