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A strange balance point
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621059" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Well, guess we better cook up some grub for all of us on the wagon train! Thanks to all of you for your sweet support, it so helps. As soon as I wrote down my tale to you this morning, knowing it would be received in to all of your hearts, I felt pretty okay!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It was a different feeling Echo, this sort of standing alone kind of thing. I realized that has always been the truth and that realization grabbed me in a different way............the stark reality of it all.............a deeper recognition of my aloneness. Not really a negative as much as a startling bit of a deeper truth. I feel okay with it right now. It's simply what is and what has always been.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, that was the bump for me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks for that Cedar. Yes, I didn't step in, the truth was pretty evident, even to the "most casual observer" even me!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That made my day Cedar, thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>SS, thank you. I will<strong><u> not </u></strong>be that 80 year old, that was always enough to SCARE me into recovery!!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are absolutely correct Cedar, this is not my problem. I already paid all of that the first go round, <em>I will not be paying for anything this time. </em>In real life I am a very efficient, organized, practical kind of character and the idea that those impound costs will grow so enormously while she is in jail is so preposterous and unnecessary it is actually offensive to me. But, it is CLEARLY, her problem, not mine.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I do. I do see it. When SO and I were talking this morning, that part became clear. I have always been on my own, since I was a little kid. I have had various insights about that over the years..................and this time I saw myself alone between the generations.........it felt sad...........I sat with that.............I talked to SO about it..............then when I arrived at work, I felt pretty good..............as you said, it is simply the truth. Then I realized that I kept my daughter from ever, ever feeling that aloneness, I was ALWAYS there. But for me, I became strong, independent, resourceful, courageous.............traits she never developed in herself. And, I thought, she will lose everything and she will have the opportunity to build a new life..............or not. The same opportunity I had, you had, most of us had.........to make a choice for life, to leave the past behind, to move ahead with courage and a commitment to ourselves..............seeing all of that felt empowering.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you COM. You are so right. It will all be up to her now, as it could have always been. She gets to start her own new..........or old life............and it will ALL be up to her.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is so true. I am still in the same place I was when I was in Mendocino...........nothing has changed, simply my daughter's address! HA. That made me laugh out loud!</p><p></p><p>Thank you to each and every one of you. I am back in my center now.............(big deep breath just taken)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621059, member: 13542"] Well, guess we better cook up some grub for all of us on the wagon train! Thanks to all of you for your sweet support, it so helps. As soon as I wrote down my tale to you this morning, knowing it would be received in to all of your hearts, I felt pretty okay! It was a different feeling Echo, this sort of standing alone kind of thing. I realized that has always been the truth and that realization grabbed me in a different way............the stark reality of it all.............a deeper recognition of my aloneness. Not really a negative as much as a startling bit of a deeper truth. I feel okay with it right now. It's simply what is and what has always been. Yes, that was the bump for me. Thanks for that Cedar. Yes, I didn't step in, the truth was pretty evident, even to the "most casual observer" even me! That made my day Cedar, thank you. SS, thank you. I will[B][U] not [/U][/B]be that 80 year old, that was always enough to SCARE me into recovery!! You are absolutely correct Cedar, this is not my problem. I already paid all of that the first go round, [I]I will not be paying for anything this time. [/I]In real life I am a very efficient, organized, practical kind of character and the idea that those impound costs will grow so enormously while she is in jail is so preposterous and unnecessary it is actually offensive to me. But, it is CLEARLY, her problem, not mine. I do. I do see it. When SO and I were talking this morning, that part became clear. I have always been on my own, since I was a little kid. I have had various insights about that over the years..................and this time I saw myself alone between the generations.........it felt sad...........I sat with that.............I talked to SO about it..............then when I arrived at work, I felt pretty good..............as you said, it is simply the truth. Then I realized that I kept my daughter from ever, ever feeling that aloneness, I was ALWAYS there. But for me, I became strong, independent, resourceful, courageous.............traits she never developed in herself. And, I thought, she will lose everything and she will have the opportunity to build a new life..............or not. The same opportunity I had, you had, most of us had.........to make a choice for life, to leave the past behind, to move ahead with courage and a commitment to ourselves..............seeing all of that felt empowering. Thank you COM. You are so right. It will all be up to her now, as it could have always been. She gets to start her own new..........or old life............and it will ALL be up to her. That is so true. I am still in the same place I was when I was in Mendocino...........nothing has changed, simply my daughter's address! HA. That made me laugh out loud! Thank you to each and every one of you. I am back in my center now.............(big deep breath just taken) [/QUOTE]
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