Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A strange balance point
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621201" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thank you everyone. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Beautifully said COM. </p><p></p><p>As I mentioned, I am reading<em><u> Living Beautifully</u></em> by Pema Chodron. It couldn't be a more perfect guide for me now. I must be ready to hear it because it is being absorbed now. Here is a quote I read last night......."Refraining from speaking or acting out slows us down and enables us to see our habitual responses very, very clearly. Until we can see our reactions, we can never know precisely what causes us to stay stuck and what will help us to get free. It's important, however, to refrain in a spirit of <em>compassionate </em>self-reflection. We look at what we say and do based on a genuine trust in our basic goodness."......................"Each time we <em>don't</em> refrain but speak or act out instead, we're strengthening old habits, strengthening the fixed sense of self. We're keeping the whole mechanism of suffering going. But when we refrain, we're allowing ourselves to feel the uncertainty--that edgy, restless, energy--without trying to escape. The escape routes are there, but we're not using them. We're getting in touch with the feeling of fundamental uneasiness and relaxing with it rather then being run around by our thoughts and emotions." She goes on to say that her teacher has a sign on the door that says, <em>"Don't believe everything you think.</em>" </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know Cedar, isn't it liberating? I am practicing. I know that with our fears we create neuro-pathways in the brain that become like trenches.............however, the brain has the capacity to create new neuro-pathways, and I am determined to do that. It's all the chattering of the brain.............like a crazy monkey. Meditation is a big help. For me, finding ways to deeply relax and expand the space between those thoughts is important. Fortunately, I have been amping up my self care and it really helps.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, thank you SS, we usually take off for at least one day each weekend and go to the ocean. It's raining here now (much needed, we're in a major drought here in No. Ca.) so I am not too sure about this weekend........ but we make a lot of time for US. We're planning another weekend excursion in March, hoping to get one weekend a month to hit the open road! I love just taking off on road trips or really, any kind of traveling. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We <em>are</em> talking about a cruise and you would most assuredly be included.............instead of wagon circling, as Cedar mentioned, we would be sitting in a circle, watching the moon and stars erupt in the sky.............</p><p></p><p>My daughter called the house when I was at work and since you have to be here to accept the collect call from the jail, we didn't connect. It's kind of odd that she didn't call me at work, she used to do that all the time. All of these time spans where we don't connect, where I don't know what is up, where she doesn't know that I picked up the car, where I don't know if she is even still in jail, if she got out, or what happened. This really feels like a trip to the land of UNCERTAINTY while I learn to be comfortable there. </p><p></p><p>I find my mind wandering to her but I seem to be able to redirect it elsewhere, into the present moment. I imagine that old neuro-pathway......you know the one........fear, sorrow, paralysis, joylessness........ which I imagine as quite the large ditch............ and as in that Zen parable, I don't have to fall in, I can walk around it and go down a different path. I feel so appreciative that I can do that. I recall with great clarity, how falling in the ditch was all I could do.......... <em>so this is good.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Here is another quote I am pondering..........."Day in and day out, you'll find that you notice sooner when you're hooked, and it will be easier to refrain. If you continue to do that, a kind of shedding happens--a shedding of old habits, a shedding of being run around by pleasure and pain, a shedding of being held hostage by the eight worldly concerns. (four pairs of opposites: pleasure and pain, gain and loss, fame and disgrace, praise and blame) Awakening is not a process of building ourselves up but a process of <u>letting go</u>. It's a process of relaxing in the middle--the paradoxical, ambiguous middle, full of potential, full of new ways of thinking and seeing--with <em>absolutely no money-back guarantee of what will happen next." </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>This process with my daughter has been an awakening for me. Oddly, through all of the pain, the suffering, the fear......it's brought me to a different place, where the work of detaching from her has brought me to an understanding of that uncertainty and the knowledge that the next step we take is ALWAYS into the great unknown. We can fear it or we can welcome it. It's a choice. I'm learning to choose differently.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621201, member: 13542"] Thank you everyone. Beautifully said COM. As I mentioned, I am reading[I][U] Living Beautifully[/U][/I] by Pema Chodron. It couldn't be a more perfect guide for me now. I must be ready to hear it because it is being absorbed now. Here is a quote I read last night......."Refraining from speaking or acting out slows us down and enables us to see our habitual responses very, very clearly. Until we can see our reactions, we can never know precisely what causes us to stay stuck and what will help us to get free. It's important, however, to refrain in a spirit of [I]compassionate [/I]self-reflection. We look at what we say and do based on a genuine trust in our basic goodness."......................"Each time we [I]don't[/I] refrain but speak or act out instead, we're strengthening old habits, strengthening the fixed sense of self. We're keeping the whole mechanism of suffering going. But when we refrain, we're allowing ourselves to feel the uncertainty--that edgy, restless, energy--without trying to escape. The escape routes are there, but we're not using them. We're getting in touch with the feeling of fundamental uneasiness and relaxing with it rather then being run around by our thoughts and emotions." She goes on to say that her teacher has a sign on the door that says, [I]"Don't believe everything you think.[/I]" I know Cedar, isn't it liberating? I am practicing. I know that with our fears we create neuro-pathways in the brain that become like trenches.............however, the brain has the capacity to create new neuro-pathways, and I am determined to do that. It's all the chattering of the brain.............like a crazy monkey. Meditation is a big help. For me, finding ways to deeply relax and expand the space between those thoughts is important. Fortunately, I have been amping up my self care and it really helps. Yes, thank you SS, we usually take off for at least one day each weekend and go to the ocean. It's raining here now (much needed, we're in a major drought here in No. Ca.) so I am not too sure about this weekend........ but we make a lot of time for US. We're planning another weekend excursion in March, hoping to get one weekend a month to hit the open road! I love just taking off on road trips or really, any kind of traveling. We [I]are[/I] talking about a cruise and you would most assuredly be included.............instead of wagon circling, as Cedar mentioned, we would be sitting in a circle, watching the moon and stars erupt in the sky............. My daughter called the house when I was at work and since you have to be here to accept the collect call from the jail, we didn't connect. It's kind of odd that she didn't call me at work, she used to do that all the time. All of these time spans where we don't connect, where I don't know what is up, where she doesn't know that I picked up the car, where I don't know if she is even still in jail, if she got out, or what happened. This really feels like a trip to the land of UNCERTAINTY while I learn to be comfortable there. I find my mind wandering to her but I seem to be able to redirect it elsewhere, into the present moment. I imagine that old neuro-pathway......you know the one........fear, sorrow, paralysis, joylessness........ which I imagine as quite the large ditch............ and as in that Zen parable, I don't have to fall in, I can walk around it and go down a different path. I feel so appreciative that I can do that. I recall with great clarity, how falling in the ditch was all I could do.......... [I]so this is good. [/I] Here is another quote I am pondering..........."Day in and day out, you'll find that you notice sooner when you're hooked, and it will be easier to refrain. If you continue to do that, a kind of shedding happens--a shedding of old habits, a shedding of being run around by pleasure and pain, a shedding of being held hostage by the eight worldly concerns. (four pairs of opposites: pleasure and pain, gain and loss, fame and disgrace, praise and blame) Awakening is not a process of building ourselves up but a process of [U]letting go[/U]. It's a process of relaxing in the middle--the paradoxical, ambiguous middle, full of potential, full of new ways of thinking and seeing--with [I]absolutely no money-back guarantee of what will happen next." [/I] This process with my daughter has been an awakening for me. Oddly, through all of the pain, the suffering, the fear......it's brought me to a different place, where the work of detaching from her has brought me to an understanding of that uncertainty and the knowledge that the next step we take is ALWAYS into the great unknown. We can fear it or we can welcome it. It's a choice. I'm learning to choose differently. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A strange balance point
Top