A Taste Of difficult child's Own Medicine

[Bunny]

We're BIG football fans here, and since we live in the NY area we root for both local teams. During the early football game this afternoon difficult child was trying to do something with his computer game. He tried to explain to me what he needed, but I'm techno-stupid and once he got past this game is connected to this e-mail address and that game is connected to that e-mail address he lost me. He went to ask husband for help, who during football season is a total waste. Between being glued to the computer for fantasy football updates and watching the local games on television, he's useless. So, husband knew what difficult child was asking for, but told him that he needed to wait until the game was over so that he could focus and help him. difficult child was not happy about that response. You see, when we ask difficult child to do something it's perfectly acceptable for him to say, "Later!" When he asks for something we are expected to jump right then and there and comply with difficult child's wishes. husband refused to do that.

difficult child proceeds to yell at me that I need to help him. I told him, again, that I couldn't help him because I don't know how to do what he needs. He would have to wait for dad. Then the tears start (because that means anything to me anymore). If dad REALLY loved him dad would come down RIGHT NOW and do what he needed. That got him no where. Then he started to raise his voice, as which point I told him that if he was going to yell at me I was done talking to him and I walked away. So he hid under the computer desk, although there was no reason to hide. It's not like anyone was looking for him, but at least he was quiet. A little while later I hear the front door open and I see difficult child walking down the driveway. He likes to walk when he's angry because it seems to help cool him off, so I didn't say anything to him.

He came home a little while later and walked into the den and said, "Hi, mom." I said hi and asked him if he had a nice walk and he said yes. husband told him what he was thinking about doing to help him fix the problem that he was having and they talked about it. Then I told difficult child to remember what happened today and how he always tells everyone here that they have to wait when we ask him for things and that today he simply was told what he tells everyone else. He opened his mouth to argue with me, but must have thought better of it, because he said nothing and waited quietly until husband was ready to help him.

 

[Anxworrier]

Bunny,you're difficult child sounds much like mine. If he encounters esp computer problems, he has an extremely low threshold of tolerance. He doesn't manage frustration, setbacks, disappointment well. But my son often just starts crying and goes in his room and stomps things around to get his anger out. But I always think about executive functions and how most of the kids I see have it and mine does not. He never reacts accordingly to the situation. Everything is the end of the world. Ha, now that I think about it, maybe he gets it from me cuz right now I feel like everything with him is the end of the world. Like life will never be easy for me again.
Land I love him so much it hurts my heart. ANd I think there is something wrong with me because incant separate his moods from mine. When he is being obstinate, oppositional, negative, uncooperative, I become shaky scared and really low.

My kid isnt on anything, refuses to go to doctor" I even just bought some homeopathic medication for ADHD that has no taste and is just a tiny bit, and he refuses that or gets all offended and tells me I don't need anything I told you that already, just like he told me he has no homework this wknd. argh. Oh my kid will be 13 in two mos. im

Glad your went on a walk! Way to take care of himself!

 

[Liahona]

I'm impressed he calmed down and didn't argue when you pointed out that is what he does to everyone else! Hope he learns the lesson.

 

[TeDo]

We've been doing that a lot lately with difficult child 1. He doesn't get the whole "you're not the only person in this family" bit either. He also has his own "rules" but he doesn't have to follow them. Well, he does NOW. If everyone else has to so or not do something, he can't either. It's working ...... so far (crossing fingers). He doesn't like it but he accepts things when we point out that it's what he does to us. I have to try REALLY hard to keep difficult child 2 from "pulling a difficult child 1" in an exxagerated way. Now THAT is a balancing act!! LOL

 

[TerryJ2]

Sounds so familiar!

He opened his mouth to argue with me, but must have thought better of it, because he said nothing and waited quietly until husband was ready to help him.