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A thorn in the dog
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 491101" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks again, Buddy... woman of wisdom <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>I would imagine, not having gone into the subject in depth, that attachment is a complex area, with many different ways in which problems can manifest. I don't think we really have problems of physical bonding or showing affection to each other. J is very kissy-cuddly and I have always given him a lot of physical affection, for example. I find it hard to put my finger exactly on where the problem lies... I think it comes as much from me as from him. I have some difficulty really visualising and attaching to him as <strong>my</strong> child rather than as a child who has come into my life for me to look after. J will certainly pick up on this, bringing his own fractured attachments to our relationship. I think sometimes - just sometimes - I lack a certain natural warmth and lovingness with him. I am seeing a therapist at the moment to deal with my own unresolved grief of the past and I am sure it is important that I do this work. I believe that J is very sensitive to this sense of distance from me at times and it makes his behaviour worse... he gets angry and defiant because of it. Or the anger and defiance he naturally has are exacerbated.</p><p>Like I say, it's complex...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 491101, member: 11227"] Thanks again, Buddy... woman of wisdom :) I would imagine, not having gone into the subject in depth, that attachment is a complex area, with many different ways in which problems can manifest. I don't think we really have problems of physical bonding or showing affection to each other. J is very kissy-cuddly and I have always given him a lot of physical affection, for example. I find it hard to put my finger exactly on where the problem lies... I think it comes as much from me as from him. I have some difficulty really visualising and attaching to him as [B]my[/B] child rather than as a child who has come into my life for me to look after. J will certainly pick up on this, bringing his own fractured attachments to our relationship. I think sometimes - just sometimes - I lack a certain natural warmth and lovingness with him. I am seeing a therapist at the moment to deal with my own unresolved grief of the past and I am sure it is important that I do this work. I believe that J is very sensitive to this sense of distance from me at times and it makes his behaviour worse... he gets angry and defiant because of it. Or the anger and defiance he naturally has are exacerbated. Like I say, it's complex... [/QUOTE]
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