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Substance Abuse
A vent (long)
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 7183" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Ok I need to vent a bit. I don't think I have ever posted about easy child 2 other than the good stuff but the reality is that he can be very difficult to live with. He is sloppy, and rarely cleans up after himself. He is self absorbed and rarely ever realizes that husband and I have needs. He has poor social skills which are interpreted as rudeness and consequently it comes back on me.</p><p></p><p>At thanksgiving someone in the family asked him what he was doing now that he was out of school and easy child/difficult child ignored the question. It was repeated since the person thought easy child/difficult child didn't hear them and again my son ignored and didn't answer. somehow my son saw this as prying. so my easy child daughter who witnessed all this came to me and told me. OK I know now (hindsight is 20-20) that I should have told her to take it up with her brother herself but I didn't. I came home and approached my son about it. He lied to me and told me he had answered the question. UG!</p><p></p><p>Then today he was talking on the phone (in my presence) and he said "I love you but I am going to bed I have to get up early tomorrow". When he ended his conversation I said was that S (his best friend)? easy child/difficult child said no. It then dawned on me that he had been talking to a girl. So I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said " No, we are just friends". Then he tells me that she wants him to buy her lingerie for Christmas. I said "That is a pretty intimate gift for a friend. The most I would do is give her a gift certificate to VS". He said that is probably what he will do. easy child/difficult child then goes on to tell me that he is still a virgin and didn't I know that. :confused: I tell him that no I wouldn't have any way of knowing that and congratulated him telling him that it is commendable in today's day and age (he is 25). </p><p>I then ask if this girl has a name and if one of his friends had introduced them. He says he isn't comfortable telling me her identity because he isn't sure how he feels about her. </p><p></p><p>I got hurt and told him that I felt his boundaries were unreasonable. That there was nothing wrong with my asking him his friend's name and expecting an answer. He steadfastly refused to tell me insisting that he didn't mean to hurt my feeling but that he had no intention of sharing that with me. He said he was afraid that we would make fun of him???????? ( I don't understand how he volunteers the fact that he is a virgin but cannot comfortably tell me how he met this girl). Anyway I lost it and told him that he makes his father and I uncomfortable in our own house almost daily. I told him that I was hurt by his secretiveness by the fact that he doesn't want to share his life with us. I said that it irritates us that he repeats many actions ( leaving dirty dishes on the table, food in the sink, used tissues on furniture etc.) after being told over and over that they are causing husband and I stress. I told him that if he wanted to lead a secretive life then he needs to move out. At least that way I won't be asking innocent questions and getting my feelings hurt in return. </p><p></p><p>In addition I have had husband talk to him about his drinking just last week. easy child/GFF comes from alcoholic parents and he can polish of a six pack in a couple of hours. His life isn't going as he had planned and I understand that he might be frustrated. easy child/difficult child went into an 8 month depression when he couldn't get or keep a job after graduating with honors from college. I wanted to get him help but then difficult child went down the tubes and well you know the expenses of that mess. Anyway I told easy child/difficult child that I would pay for therapy if he wanted it that we could afford it now and he says "No, I'm good". So I walked away. But I am tired of all the MH issues that surround me. I want easy child/difficult child to get a place of is own. I cannot live in the same house with him and not watch and worry. That is a level of detachment I cannot achieve yet. On the other hand, I do not think he is ready (able?) to live his own yet. He has many medical issues and poor executive function skills. He doesn't take care of himself and then he gets ill and overmedicates. If he moves out I know he will never check in with us. He would go months at a time when he was in school without calling us or dropping an e-mail. We would eventually have to talk to his roommate to make sure he was OK. I know that he is probably AS but I cannot deal with this quirky nasty sloppy self absorbed stuff anymore. I want to be compassionate from afar. I don't want to be on the front lines anymore. I want and need peace in my life. And... I feel guilty for that. I know I am rambling but I just need to get this off my heart. Thanks for listening. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 7183, member: 2315"] Ok I need to vent a bit. I don't think I have ever posted about easy child 2 other than the good stuff but the reality is that he can be very difficult to live with. He is sloppy, and rarely cleans up after himself. He is self absorbed and rarely ever realizes that husband and I have needs. He has poor social skills which are interpreted as rudeness and consequently it comes back on me. At thanksgiving someone in the family asked him what he was doing now that he was out of school and easy child/difficult child ignored the question. It was repeated since the person thought easy child/difficult child didn't hear them and again my son ignored and didn't answer. somehow my son saw this as prying. so my easy child daughter who witnessed all this came to me and told me. OK I know now (hindsight is 20-20) that I should have told her to take it up with her brother herself but I didn't. I came home and approached my son about it. He lied to me and told me he had answered the question. UG! Then today he was talking on the phone (in my presence) and he said "I love you but I am going to bed I have to get up early tomorrow". When he ended his conversation I said was that S (his best friend)? easy child/difficult child said no. It then dawned on me that he had been talking to a girl. So I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said " No, we are just friends". Then he tells me that she wants him to buy her lingerie for Christmas. I said "That is a pretty intimate gift for a friend. The most I would do is give her a gift certificate to VS". He said that is probably what he will do. easy child/difficult child then goes on to tell me that he is still a virgin and didn't I know that. [img]:confused:[/img] I tell him that no I wouldn't have any way of knowing that and congratulated him telling him that it is commendable in today's day and age (he is 25). I then ask if this girl has a name and if one of his friends had introduced them. He says he isn't comfortable telling me her identity because he isn't sure how he feels about her. I got hurt and told him that I felt his boundaries were unreasonable. That there was nothing wrong with my asking him his friend's name and expecting an answer. He steadfastly refused to tell me insisting that he didn't mean to hurt my feeling but that he had no intention of sharing that with me. He said he was afraid that we would make fun of him???????? ( I don't understand how he volunteers the fact that he is a virgin but cannot comfortably tell me how he met this girl). Anyway I lost it and told him that he makes his father and I uncomfortable in our own house almost daily. I told him that I was hurt by his secretiveness by the fact that he doesn't want to share his life with us. I said that it irritates us that he repeats many actions ( leaving dirty dishes on the table, food in the sink, used tissues on furniture etc.) after being told over and over that they are causing husband and I stress. I told him that if he wanted to lead a secretive life then he needs to move out. At least that way I won't be asking innocent questions and getting my feelings hurt in return. In addition I have had husband talk to him about his drinking just last week. easy child/GFF comes from alcoholic parents and he can polish of a six pack in a couple of hours. His life isn't going as he had planned and I understand that he might be frustrated. easy child/difficult child went into an 8 month depression when he couldn't get or keep a job after graduating with honors from college. I wanted to get him help but then difficult child went down the tubes and well you know the expenses of that mess. Anyway I told easy child/difficult child that I would pay for therapy if he wanted it that we could afford it now and he says "No, I'm good". So I walked away. But I am tired of all the MH issues that surround me. I want easy child/difficult child to get a place of is own. I cannot live in the same house with him and not watch and worry. That is a level of detachment I cannot achieve yet. On the other hand, I do not think he is ready (able?) to live his own yet. He has many medical issues and poor executive function skills. He doesn't take care of himself and then he gets ill and overmedicates. If he moves out I know he will never check in with us. He would go months at a time when he was in school without calling us or dropping an e-mail. We would eventually have to talk to his roommate to make sure he was OK. I know that he is probably AS but I cannot deal with this quirky nasty sloppy self absorbed stuff anymore. I want to be compassionate from afar. I don't want to be on the front lines anymore. I want and need peace in my life. And... I feel guilty for that. I know I am rambling but I just need to get this off my heart. Thanks for listening. -RM [/QUOTE]
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