A Very Bad Night....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Dec 2, 2009.

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  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Back in the Twilight Zone...

    husband and I conduct periodic backpack checks and bedroom searched-but last night, we decided we would search with a goal in mind...if we found no stolen items and no candy/gum or anything else she's not supposed to be stashing in her room...we were going to make a big deal out of it and reward her by re-installing her bedroom door.

    Unfortunately, we found a new stash of razor blades in her purse (the kind you get out of a utility knife).

    difficult child just got really angry and explained that she "needs" those for when she gets mad....and besides, if we take her razor blades, she'll just stab herself with the needles from the sewing kit instead [[mental note: hide the sewing kit]].

    husband tried to speak to difficult child calmly and rationally and the gist of difficult child's response was that if she's forced to continue living with us--she will kill herself. She told us that her friend's family had offered to be her legal guardians, but we were so mean that we'd never let difficult child move in with them.

    husband said "Call them up--I'll be happy to pack your bags tonight."

    So difficult child got really happy and she called--no answer--left a message.

    So at the dinner table, difficult child was extra mouthy. Told us that this other family is WAAAAYYYY superior to us because they have waaay more money, the brothers are "cooler' than difficult child's brother, and the parents are better PLUS she'll get to share a room with the sister she always wanted.

    OK, no problem.

    At about that point, the scarf that difficult child wears around her neck fell a little bit and revealed that she has a combination of hickies and bite marks all over her neck.

    Her Dad asks her who's been sucking on her neck. difficult child responds that it's some guy she sees after school, she doesn't know his name...

    husband asks her again--difficult child begins shouting that what does he care? What difference does it make? I hate you so much! I hate it here so much.!!

    At that point, husband lost it completely, he threw his dinner glass across the room--shattering it into a zillion pices and then he told difficult child "That's it. I give up. You win. You're 'free'. Go. Get out. Don't let the door hit you on your way out." And he walked away.

    difficult child's first thought was to challenge him....as in "You can't make me go anywhere!!"...

    but then she thought better of it and she put on her shoes and went to her friend's house....and from what I understand...announced to them that she was there to live with them....

    Which prompted a very quick phone call to our house.

    The friend's family, of course, had NEVER offered such a thing and were a bit defensive about the whole situation (who could blame them?)--but it turns out, that the Mom has a background in psychology and used to work as a unit nurse in the teen ward of a psychiatirc hospital.

    This Mom saw through all of difficult child's baloney in an instant....and spent a couple of hours talking to her about making the right choices and how she is going to get herself arrested if she doesn't stop with the threats and aggression and how difficult child is going to get herself in the hospital if she doesn't stop with the dangerous and self-endangering activities.

    Then I went over to take difficult child home, and I got to speak with this woman myself. What a wonderful person she turned out to be! She has all kinds of experience with this just sort of thing and had lots of wisdom and advice. She even offered to make a few calls to professionals that she knows and see if anyone has anything to recommend.

    I told her I'd love to move in with her myself!! I could see why difficult child picked them...

    So I took difficult child home. difficult child was completely angry and miserable--wouldn't even look at me or say two words--and stomped off to bed.

    So--I guess we'll see what happens today...

    --DaisyFace
     
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, Daisy, I'm sorry.
    But hey, when life gives you lemons ... what a stroke of luck that the mom is a health care professional and used to work in a teen hospital unit!
    I hope you two get to be friends.
    I am so sorry for your daughter's behavior. My son reacts like that, too. When he doesn't want to address something, he explodes and becomes defiant and blames us for everything.
    I also know exactly how your husband felt when he threw that glass. In fact, I felt that way last Monday!
    Best of luck.
     
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well the silver lining of this is you got to meet the other family's mom, and perhaps you've got a good resource in your corner now. AND you've got an outside witness who can testify to difficult child's behavior if anyoune ever questions you.

    I'm sorry difficult child made the evening so lousy. I'd probably have lost it like your husband did. I've felt like that and worse some times. Your daughter is clearly ill and you are NOT in the Twilight Zone imagining all this. I really hope you can get the help she needs soon.

    (((Hugs)))
     
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    My thoughts exactly! I'm sorry you had such a hooverish night but there is that part of me that is giggling about your difficult child. "I can go live with family X. THEY are great. THEY will do what I want them to do. THEY...blah blah blah blah blah"

    Uh huh. Nice try sweetheart!
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hmmm...Wonderful Family was wonderful after all....lol. Wonderful for you!

    What a stroke of luck to have someone who happened to have such experience. Gosh Im sorry she is causing such misery and stress for everyone right now. Is she still on the celexa? I wonder if that is the correct medication for her. Honestly...she reminds me so much of myself...and Nancy's difficult child at this age...sigh. Read up on that thread MWM posted about early onset borderline and see what you think.
     
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah, I giggled too ... this just "shows to go ya" how much stock we should put in our difficult child's stories of what others think of us/are superior to us/yada yada yada. I'm so glad you met the other mother.
     
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It always amazes me how similar all of our early teen daughters are. Kanga argues fiercely that she should be allowed to go live with her boyfriends family for (insert reason of the day here). I know that his dad would not be willing to do this (the poor man is a widow with 4 children 12 and younger including at least 1 difficult child).

    I'm sure your difficult child was shocked that they weren't excited about her plan.
     
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds very familiar...sorry it was such a lousy evening.
     
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yes, JJJ--You said it...

    difficult child was shocked that her plan did not turn out the way she expected.

    First of all, she was clearly STUNNED that her Dad told her to "hit the road" in the first place...

    And then when she was not welcomed into her chosen family with open arms....it was as though her brain just 'did not compute'....

    The final straw was that the other Mom and I had such a nice conversation about everything, that I hugged her when we left and I thanked her for taking such good care of difficult child while she was there.

    difficult child was fuming!!!!!

    Today is a half-day at school...and the kids will be getting home shortly.

    Should be a fun afternoon! (NOT!)

    --DaisyFace
     
  10. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    DF, I get it, I truly do. And I would be fuming, hurt, frustrated, EVERYTHING with your difficult child myself. But at the same time ('course, I'm weird like this), I would have a hard time keeping the giggles inside whenever I looked at her. Then again, while at the other family's house, I would have had trouble keeping myself from acting like a four year old, pointing to difficult child and saying "Neener neener neeeeeeener!!!"

    Hugs. Hopefully something will change for the better soon.
     
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh and just wait for the 'nobody wants me here anyway' routine to start. All because husband told her to go. She will quickly forget her role in that statement husband made. You have to be ready to remind her just why husband reacted this way. She has to see that her behavior caused husband to tell her to leave. Action - consequence.

    It is a difficult task to try to teach this lesson.
     
  12. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green




    Ooooh! Any chance you can video tape one (or many) of her tirades???
     
  13. Momslittleangels

    Momslittleangels New Member

    I just HATED those years between 13-14. I had a difficult child and a easy child (although she could act like a difficult child sometimes) and they both acted that way - - - so much drama. The only difference is how the difficult child and easy child "recover" from those dramatic scenes.

    I don't envy what you are going through and am glad you spoke to the other mother.
     
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry for your rough night. Glad the family turned out to be such a positive for you and not difficult child!
     
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child was shocked that her plan did not turn out the way she expected.

    First of all, she was clearly STUNNED that her Dad told her to "hit the road" in the first place...

    And then when she was not welcomed into her chosen family with open arms....it was as though her brain just 'did not compute'....

    The final straw was that the other Mom and I had such a nice conversation about everything, that I hugged her when we left and I thanked her for taking such good care of difficult child while she was there.

    difficult child was fuming!!!!!


    Wonderful! This is what you want. This puts you and all the other adults in control. Let her fume all she wants. This is how she will learn to face reality.
     
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