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Substance Abuse
A View From The Other Side (Fairly Long)
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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 686068" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>It's never easy to look at. I would list everything I ever did during my addiction, but who has that kind of time? I have inventoried in my head, however. Counted each instance separately. Amazingly, aunt and uncle looked at it as ONE continuing instance. To this day, when those years come up in conversation, I get nervous. Uneasy. It is painful. Sickening at times. Worst part is the way in which they talk about it. Not in anger, hate, disappointment, or anything. It's treated as a single event in the past, and now it's over. Not for me. I despise the person I was. The things that I did. I have a very real, physical reaction. My twin sister is also a junkie. But nowhere near as lucky as me. The fact that I am not dead, or in prison is a miracle in and of itself. And it was due entirely to luck. Twin sister has had it even worse than me.</p><p></p><p>When we were taken from aunt and uncle, we eventually wound of with Mom. Who was an active meth addict. I was a huge momma's boy, and she always saw me as a kind of redemption opportunity. I did well ins school, and even enjoyed in. I was in gifted programs, and skipped 4th grade. We went hungry at times. At the time, I was resentful. Angry. Thought I was too good for that. I was an arrogant little <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />. I ended up running away, while sister stayed. I wound up in Reno with Dad's family, and she remained in Texas. And Mom was doing drugs with her when she was 13. She is the one that discovered Mom's body. I can't imagine how bad it was for her. She is in Reno now, but in and out of jail. Motel rooms, prostituting, tweaking, and gambling. She lost both her sons, ages 3 and 4 now. We have the youngest one, Amelia. Just turned 2. Amanda has barely laid eyes on her. The things she continues to do to aunt and uncle blow everything I did out of the water. If I thought they were saints before, they are gods now. Still haven't given up on her.... </p><p></p><p>And keep in mind, these are not our parents. They are our GREAT aunt and uncle. They are not obligated in any way to put up with our <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />. They could kick us both to the curb and be reasonably justified. I sure wouldn't have blamed them. I expected that. When I realized they weren't going to do it, it made what I did to them that much worse. They CHOSE to be my parents. And they treat me like a son, in every sense. They really are generous to a fault.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 686068, member: 20267"] It's never easy to look at. I would list everything I ever did during my addiction, but who has that kind of time? I have inventoried in my head, however. Counted each instance separately. Amazingly, aunt and uncle looked at it as ONE continuing instance. To this day, when those years come up in conversation, I get nervous. Uneasy. It is painful. Sickening at times. Worst part is the way in which they talk about it. Not in anger, hate, disappointment, or anything. It's treated as a single event in the past, and now it's over. Not for me. I despise the person I was. The things that I did. I have a very real, physical reaction. My twin sister is also a junkie. But nowhere near as lucky as me. The fact that I am not dead, or in prison is a miracle in and of itself. And it was due entirely to luck. Twin sister has had it even worse than me. When we were taken from aunt and uncle, we eventually wound of with Mom. Who was an active meth addict. I was a huge momma's boy, and she always saw me as a kind of redemption opportunity. I did well ins school, and even enjoyed in. I was in gifted programs, and skipped 4th grade. We went hungry at times. At the time, I was resentful. Angry. Thought I was too good for that. I was an arrogant little :censored2:. I ended up running away, while sister stayed. I wound up in Reno with Dad's family, and she remained in Texas. And Mom was doing drugs with her when she was 13. She is the one that discovered Mom's body. I can't imagine how bad it was for her. She is in Reno now, but in and out of jail. Motel rooms, prostituting, tweaking, and gambling. She lost both her sons, ages 3 and 4 now. We have the youngest one, Amelia. Just turned 2. Amanda has barely laid eyes on her. The things she continues to do to aunt and uncle blow everything I did out of the water. If I thought they were saints before, they are gods now. Still haven't given up on her.... And keep in mind, these are not our parents. They are our GREAT aunt and uncle. They are not obligated in any way to put up with our :censored2:. They could kick us both to the curb and be reasonably justified. I sure wouldn't have blamed them. I expected that. When I realized they weren't going to do it, it made what I did to them that much worse. They CHOSE to be my parents. And they treat me like a son, in every sense. They really are generous to a fault. [/QUOTE]
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