BusynMember
Well-Known Member
He IS eighteen and since he is getting along with his father, he isn't moving out. His mother/stepmother is horrible, but he's used to it. If he can hang in there, he will be going to college in August.
A weird night and Jumper and J. are over
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Marguerite
Active Member
On the suicide talk issue - Jumper needs to not feel responsible for him or sorry for him. The "cry for help" in a boy this age in a tangled relationship can sometimes be manipulation. I had a friend go through this when I was Jumper's age. My friend's boyfriend would telephone, say he was suicidal, my friend would rush over to see him and comfort him and then it would be "phew! Crisis averted!" and the guy had also had a huge payoff in terms of validation from his girlfriend.
J may not be doing this so blatantly, or even be aware of it himself, but the danger is there that it could develop into an unhealthy pattern. If what you get out of a relationship is mostly validation, after you go searching for it and push buttons to get it, then the relationship has become unhealthily codependent. Jumper is just a kid, and sensible adults can get trapped by this so she is more vulnerable.
Marg
J may not be doing this so blatantly, or even be aware of it himself, but the danger is there that it could develop into an unhealthy pattern. If what you get out of a relationship is mostly validation, after you go searching for it and push buttons to get it, then the relationship has become unhealthily codependent. Jumper is just a kid, and sensible adults can get trapped by this so she is more vulnerable.
Marg
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Marg, he is not manipulative nor is he faking. He is very depressed...I see the signs. You can tell. He does not tell her, "If you break up with me, I'll kill myself." He would never. I think he opened up to her because they got so close. She told him things she never tells anyone else too, like how our psychopathetic eleven year old adopted son (who is no longer our son) sexually abused her. I was shocked w hen she told me that she told him. Apparently, they trust each other enough to tell all. J. is basically a very, very good kid who is not using drugs to self-medicate, like so many do, and who has never been in trouble in his life. But he comes from a culture and family where people don't communicate with one another and where you suck it up and deal with things yourself.
Jumper is choosing to remain in this relationship. There is little I could do to stop her. She has told me that. I hope this becomes a big learning experience for her. I'd feel even happier if J. went for help and got better so she could see that asking for help is a positive thing just in case she or somebody else near her gets depressed.
As much as a fifteen year old can fall in love, Jumper has. She isn't a flighty, impulsive teen either. And, because of her early sexual abuse, she is very picky about who she will date. She is not ready for a sexual relationship and he would never push one on her. Plus, both being athletes, they have a lot in common. I feel the best thing to do is to let this relationship run it's course and be there for both of them as much as I can.
Jumper is choosing to remain in this relationship. There is little I could do to stop her. She has told me that. I hope this becomes a big learning experience for her. I'd feel even happier if J. went for help and got better so she could see that asking for help is a positive thing just in case she or somebody else near her gets depressed.
As much as a fifteen year old can fall in love, Jumper has. She isn't a flighty, impulsive teen either. And, because of her early sexual abuse, she is very picky about who she will date. She is not ready for a sexual relationship and he would never push one on her. Plus, both being athletes, they have a lot in common. I feel the best thing to do is to let this relationship run it's course and be there for both of them as much as I can.
