Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Lothlorien, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Why is it that family members that see your kid only once in a while say stupid things like "Gee, she seemed fine the other night, when I was there."????? It's as if they are questioning my capabilities as a parent. That just sooooo ticks me off, Especially when they are so little involved in my kids' day to day or even month to month life!

    The simple fact is that they are well aware of the issues that I've had with my daughter since the week I brought her home from the hospital. She's always been difficult. They've all seen her rage, so why is it so hard to believe that she has a disorder?
  2. Got2Sleep

    Got2Sleep New Member

    Gotcha totally! We get that all the time. Or the "well, when he is with me he never acts that way!" Well, feel free to keep him in real life terms..with 3 other kids, not agreeing to his every plea, and doing exactly what he wants. THEN come talk to me.

  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Well don't you know by now that there are no such things as conduct disorders, we're all just doping our kids and we're horrible, rotten people? Doesn't matter who we (cd parents) are, not a one of us knows what we're doing, and we're either being too hard on the kids, too easy on them (cause you know all they need is a good whuppin') or we totally exaggerate our kid's behavior. :hammer:

    What's that quote that has appeared on the side of the CD screen lately? Something about those that know it all about parenting have never had kids...something along those lines.

    I know it's mind blowingly frustrating to deal with friends, family (and sometime's strangers) idiocy. Can't really tell you anything to make it better but been there done that and sending {{{HUGS}}}
  4. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    sometimes other people do not have the first clue of the way the cycling can occur, or that the symptoms are not the same 24-7. THis is also true of other disorders that you cannot "see" My friend with ms would have times of difficulty (during which time she tended to stay home) and times where she did not do so badly- and she would be more out and about. Same with my RA and Lupus. People see me on good days be able to do things or the day after infusions and would comment how great I looked, and then they would see me on day before infusions or on days when I had to use walker or scooter and would be sorta weirded out and act like I was faking or something.
    I guess they maybe expect that if you have a mentally disordered child the symptoms are up front in your face obvious (as in full blown psychotic rage) 24-7.
    This also used to confuse our kids school people.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Many hugs to you. How frustrating when people don't get it.
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    My favorite is when someone has been watching him, I go pick him up, and he acts up. He does not do well with transitions. So then they say, "he was good untill you got here." :hypnosis: So do you want me to leave? Do ya think I trained him to do that on purpose?!?? Even better, say something to make me feel worse!!!!!
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    This is why we should consider keeping everything on a need to know basis. This relative obviously doesn't need to know. {{{Hugs}}}
  8. livinginazoo

    livinginazoo New Member

    It's fustrating, My mom does it. Tells me that my daughter doesn't need medications yet if I send her without them she's calling me yelling at me to bring them out. We can't win, we've told relatives(the ones we trust won't hurt her if she gets out of controll) that they can take her for a week without medications and see if they feel the same way afterwards. The only one to take me up was my aunt who did not believe in ADHD at all. After one night she said she'd never do it again and is my biggest supporter besides husband and psychiatrist. I hope things get better for you.
  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I totally understand how you feel :grrr:...!!! People can be such PITA's and so ignorant!!! Family usually is the worst!!!

    Sending you lots of cyber hugs. WFEN :flower:
  10. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Mstang67chic, Thanks for the laugh :rofl: !!! WFEN
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    :cry: This is me screaming with you! I have been there done that, too.
  12. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Loth, in the back of their minds, it is our fault. The "he was fine until you got here" has got to be the rudest most unthoughtful comment from anyone who is supposed to love you can say. Well one of them anyhow.
    No one wants to believe there is anything different with your kid then their experience. It must be the mom.
    We are too strict, too lenient, push too much, don't push enough. They don't go outside enough, they run wild in the neighborhood. It's the food we eat, the water we drink,the hole in the ozone, the dad's genes(isn't she just like someone on your husband's side of the family) We are too involved, not involved enough and on and on.

    You have my sympathies. It's very hurtful as well as frustrating. I don't say much any more.
  13. oceans

    oceans New Member

    I understand how you feel...but others who have not been there done that seem to have no clue sometimes! It can be hard to take after an especially exhausting day. I hope that things start to feel better soon!
  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I really think that many people (especially family) cannot grasp the concept of mental/emotional illnesses in children. It's just not supposed to happen with a child.

    My younger brother makes various unrequested comments about wm. I thank him for his opinion & let it go at that. If anyone chooses to question my parenting, fine - let them. I answer to a very few & my god.

    Time to develop that rhino skin; also time to share very little with those who struggle to accept.
  15. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    The comments are intolerable at times, aren't they?

    My mother is usually very great, but she will say things like she wishes my husband was more patient with difficult child. I try to tell her that it is a constant struggle with difficult child and that some days are better than others, but she can't see it.

    Hugs to you.
  16. cindygirl

    cindygirl New Member

    When Al was younger my aunt would send me all these great emails about alternative methods then medication. They were all written by nutritionists and herbalists and would have all these psuedo scientific rationale on why they would work. I would talk to my mother on the phone (she was 3000 miles away) and tell her all the things that were going on with Al and what the school was saying etc. and she would tell her sister (aunt is a nurse). She had raised (worked full time, kids always at daycare, or gramma) 4 children and no one was better then her kids. During the school year Al was on Dexedrine but in the summer and on holidays Al came off her drugs and we just kept her really busy and did the best we could. So I flew home for 2 weeks in the summer. Al of course was off her medications and had been for 2 weeks. So my family got to see the real Al. We weren't there for 2 days and my aunt told us to get down to the hospital where she worked and she talked to the hospital pediatrician about getting her back on her medications for the rest of the 2 weeks we were there. So much for herbals or natural medications. After that I was still a bad parent and it was all my fault but they were now in agreement that Al "needed" her medications. So I know where you are coming from. We can only do the best we can and try to find the right answer for our child. What works for child x may hurt child y.
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    My favorite is my mother in law suggesting that this was a "Self Fullfilling Prophecy" and that we were just too hard on difficult child!!! While her husband is on Prozac... for what??? No one will talk about it!!!
    And then the "Well all kids do that", "That is totally normal", "Sorry you are having such a hard time dealing with your childs TANTRUMS" Oh some of those have ended friendships!!! I have even heard this crap from our Occupational Therapist (OT) and therapist...

    I am sure we could all write a book, What not to say to a parent of difficult child...

    Sorry people are morons...
    We understand, you just want to lay around the house all day and eat bon-bons watching Oprah... with NO interuptions!!! LOL

    That is what I am doing right now...
  18. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    Sounds like my mom. "he was fine when I was there" Well of course he was he wanted to see how money he could get out of you!!! that's what I tell her. And you know what she would have the NERVE to say "well if a little money will keep him from going off it's worth it" WHAT???? He was buying drugs with the money for GOD's sake. He would go behind my back to call her and she would sneak money and what ever else to him.
    Well her angel is now waiting in a shelter to be shipped to Residential Treatment Center (RTC).You think if she would of listened to me and tried to see the problem he may be home now if she would of backed me on any of this. But no, in her eyes "he's fine". MY SON is not fine!!!
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Loth, I hear you loud and clear!!!!!
    Cindy... I LIVE with-someone like that! He's a chiro and it took me yrs to convince him that difficult child needed medications.
    The whole thing is an exercise in frustration.
    So sorry, Loth. Good luck.