Aaaannnnddd - She's Back...

[DaisyFace]

Well, that didn't last long...

Friend's father brought difficult child home last night. husband met them outside and he said the father "looked like a man on a mission".

And some light was shed on the reason they were suddenly in a rush to bring difficult child home...

Evidently, the father got up in the middle of the night to find difficult child and a 20-something guy in the living room - the story gets a little vague there....not sure who the 20-something was....what exactly was happening...

And you really have to feel bad for the poor man...trying to stick to all the usual niceties "Your daughter is a lovely girl....we really enjoyed having her...etc" while at the same time blustering about "I just can't have THAT in my house!"

difficult child was not at ALL happy to be home.

But husband was very firm. He would not let her in the house until she apologized and agreed to his terms. difficult child stood there arguing....could not BELIEVE that husband would not let her in...or even stand in the garage when it started storming.

But eventually, he let her in the house.

This morning, Ms Ally came to work with us...

difficult child was still pretty cocky. Explained how unreasonable we were being. Told Ms Ally that, well, legally, there's nothing Mom and Dad can really do - so what's the point of threatening to throw me out?

Ms Ally explained that husband can go to DCFS and surrender difficult child to the state.

And BOY did THAT ever have an impact.

Right now...difficult child is in her bedroom removing the posters from the walls and cleaning out a lot of her stuff - so that she can make the repairs husband wants.

Well, well, well...

I guess we'll see how long that lasts...

 

[Shari]

Well, sorry she's home, but HOORAY! that she saw that these other "reasonable" parents won't put up with her ****, either.

Hope it lasts. Make sure you know the address and the phone number to DCFS, so you can head that direction, if you need to...

 

[AnnieO]

Poor guy!!!

...If she starts to slide... Tell her about this lady you know, whose 16-y/o daughter is currently being "held" pending court for pretty much ticking off Daddy, and HE won't let HER come back AT ALL...

And I hope the threat of surrender to the state keeps her scared. Won't work with Onyxx - but custody to her mother might...

 

[susiestar]

Where is the guy's name? Isn't 16 still jailbait in most states? Esp to a guy who is twenty? If nothing else demand his name and number/facebook/whatever and threaten it to get him to not do that at your house.

I am sorry she is home, and I hope that if she keeps it up that you consider surrendering her. Bringing strange older men into the house is incredibly dangerous to you, husband and esp your 12yo, not just to her. What if the guy wants to do something to the 12yo, or has a gun or knife she doesn't know about, or wants to steal stuff? She either goes along and commits the crime or she risks him hurting all of you. Be sure you and husband speak about that.

I am glad that Ms. Ally got to see that it isn't just YOU she acts that way with - that other parents couldn't handle a single week with her. I hope it increases the supports she gives you and you get some real ones. Otherwise start making noises to Ms. Ally about surrender or placement in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Cause they may give you what you want rather than take her into the state's list of foster kids.

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow. That poor neighbor. I can only imagine how he was dancing around that one!
I'm SO GLAD that your husband stood firm, literally, even in the garage.
Fingers crossed.

 

[keista]

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although, I'm not surprised. Had such a visual image of this man bringing her back AND that conversation!

So, see how it goes. At least now she knows she doesn't have an "easy out" If some other unsuspecting mom agrees to take her in, just give her this mom's #

 

[klmno]

IMVHO- that's EXACTLY what parents of difficult children have been needing all along- BACK-UP!! Not "here's what Mom and Dad should change" but "this is what YOU-difficult child better change because WE are ALL backing Mom and Dad up". That is what I meant about things being different these days. That is what my so-called bro svcked out of my opportunity to get difficult child turned around- if I so much as threatened to surrender difficult child to the state, my bro gets custody of him right away.

That being said, I do look at it all a little differently if a 20-some yo male has gotten to a teen girl's mind. I would be dealing with that as an additional issue and I'd have to really think hard about charges against him.

 

[DDD]

Life is never dull around your house...or the neighbors house. Fingers crossed that she at least "got" part of it and the weekend is calm. DDD

 

[jennd23]

Good for husband. He did a good job. Hopeuflly you'll have some peace at least for a day or two.

 

[Marguerite]

Good for husband. Good for Ms Ally, telling difficult child that husband could surrender her to CPS. And good for you, for handling all this so gracefully but firmly.

You see? You wanted a plan, and you didn't really need one other than rules for her to come home to. SHE has done this to herself, SHE has done this to the other family and SHE has to live with the consequences of her own actions. If anything, above all else, this makes it clear to Ms Ally (and gives her the support she needs to get past the crud she has to dish out first) that it is not you guys, it is purely difficult child. You are good parents dealing with a troubled child, troubles not of your making. This goes way beyond discipline or parenting issues, she needs help. And you have asked for that help, repeatedly. Again, as good parents would.

Hang in there. You don't have to do a thing except stay strong.

Marg

 

[exhausted]

Oh I'm so sorry. As for the 20 something, we've been that road. We pressed charges, nothing ever happened even with an outstanding warrant on him. But I'm glad we did it. Got a no contact order as well. She will be in trouble if she contacts him or he contacts her (we hope). I agree it could be dangerous.
Stay tough. Hugs!

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm glad to hear that Ms. Ally was helpful; I am really hoping that difficult child will learn from this. Sending very gentle hugs your way.

 

[DaisyFace]

As far as the 20-something goes...

I get the feeling that this is somebody the friend's family knows very well - he is probably a neighbor or close family friend. They want difficult child out of their house as much for HIS protection as anything else.

 

[Marguerite]

So his presence is valued above hers. That must be galling for her...

Marg