AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! PARENTS! A vent....long

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mstang67chic, Aug 5, 2009.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    My dad is going to drive me NUTS!!!!!! (bio dad by the way)

    My grandma is currently living in Ohio in a house owned by my aunt and her husband. (They moved to NC) Since Grandpa died 2 1/2 years ago, G'ma has been stressed over all kinds of stuff. G'pa's death, being alone, having to do her own financial stuff, her health...just everything. She roamed around a bit before settling in this house and it's still stressful. When she moved in, another uncle, his daughter and her toddler, and one of his son's were living there. To say it was a bit chaotic would be .....polite. Uncle has since gotten married and moved out as has his one son. But the daughter has been back and forth between there and whatever boyfriend she was living with and now another uncle has moved in. There has also been a lot of drama involving missing pain pills of G'ma's but I'm not even going there right now.

    So anyway....the uncle who owns the house has basically booted everyone out. His plan is to keep the house as a rental but has told G'ma that if it comes to it, SHE can still stay. He just doesn't want the revolving door going on with people who are quite capable of providing for themselves and who's behavior has been less than stellar. G'ma is NOW stressing over where to live. My dad REALLY wants her in his town and I completely understand that. BUT...he's not thinking logically. He put a hold on an apartment near him and sent the paper work with my sister when we were over there this past weekend. It's a nice place, has two bedrooms because my one uncle will be moving with her, close to Dad....it's all perfect. EXCEPT the rent and utilities would take 3/4 of her monthly income. We are all counting on the fact that my uncle gets a job and contributes too but G'ma wants a place that she can afford alone just in case. The place Dad picked just isn't that place. The woman only has $1200/month coming in so $800 a month wouldn't leave her with much. (Dad's comment? What does she need money for??? Gaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!)

    I've been calling around in the town I live and found some decent apartments that she could afford. Nope. DAD wants her in HIS town. OMG. I'M here. My uncle would be with her. My town is only 20 miles down the road from HIS town. Granted, his town is big so it would be about 45 minutes from his house to any of the apartments here but it's still CLOSE!!!!!

    Today I called a complex that a friend of mine manages. I had this place in mind the entire time because it's mainly (but not completely) senior citizen apartments. I just didn't think they had two bedrooms but THEY DO!!!! AND the rent is $600 a month and that includes ALL UTILITIES AND CABLE!!!! All G'ma would need to pay for is her phone. With Uncle working too, they would be more than fine. And, Dad has a job lined up for uncle in his town. It would be a little bit of a drive for Uncle but he's ok with it....I asked. Besides....I really don't think that we could find a place in Dad's town (in a good area) that would be a better deal than this place. I just don't see it happening. Anything decent in a non-drive by shooting area of town wouldn't be anything close to that price with all that's included. Besides....even if he DID find something.....Dad would still probably have to drive almost as long to get there as he would here.

    I KNOW he wants her close by and I understand. I really do. But where he lives....close by is very expensive and she wants somewhere that she KNOWS she can afford without depending on Uncle working. And she doesn't want to HAVE to depend on others for financial support. When Dad said "Well what does she need extra money for?"....omg....I could have just popped him upside the head. Oh I don't know Dad....maybe she likes knowing she's got more than a few bucks in her pocket each month. :919Mad: Granted, the woman isn't flat broke...she's got SOME money in the bank and some cd's but she's already said (repeatedly) that she would need to dip into that if she had the first place Dad picked out and she does NOT want to do that. It scares her to even think about it. She and G'pa have ALWAYS been....let's say....comfortable. The last few years before G'pa died though, they lost a LOT of money in stocks and bad decisions on G'pa's part. I don't think he was still as sharp as we all thought for a couple of years before his death. But....he always took care of things and now that she has to, G'ma REFUSES to live paycheck to paycheck. I don't blame her.

    So...I told Dad about the place and grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....he agrees we can't beat the price but he's still being stubborn. I also called to G'ma's but she was asleep. I told my uncle about it and he thinks it's a good idea too. He's not tickled about the driving for the job but he's willing. It really isn't an unreasonable drive, just longer than what he's used to. He's going to have G'ma call me back when she gets up so I'm really going to push this place to her. Nicely of course....I don't want to sound like Dad and I don't want to pressure her. I think though that she will really like the financial end of it and the set up of the apartments. The building is an old school that was rehabed into apartments. There are no outside doors in the apartments...they all open out into an indoor hall....there's a lobby and community room on the main floor...it's a 3 or 4 story building but there are elevators....the residents are very social.....it's just PERFECT! The only thing she won't like is that the apartments don't have a washer/dryer in them. There are machines in the building but if she didn't want to do it that way, I could go over and do her laundry for her there or bring it home and do. (*snort* she says she's not sure if she trusts Uncle to do it HER way and HE isn't happy at the prospect of washing his mother's undies. LOL He'd do it of course but he'd rather not.)

    But yeah....my father needs to pull his head out of his you know what and look at things logically. G'ma already said she would be willing to live in a number of surrounding towns. It's not HIS choice, it's HER'S.
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It sounds like you have found a perfect place. Can I come move in there? Is there any construction in your area? LOL. 600 for rent and utilities included is a steal. It is a steal most anywhere I know. (I always count on utilities being 300 a month so that means the rent is only 300 so that is darned good!) With a senior involved I would be really happy about the inside access. The washer/dryer situation can be worked out. You said they have one on premises so that isnt that bad. Lots of apartments are like that.

    Hope gramma is agreeable and dad comes around.
     
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Come on over Janet! LOL Actually, husband and I looked at these apartments some years back when we were looking for his mother. They are really neat. Each one has a section of the original blackboard and some of them have pantries that are the original cloak rooms from when they were classrooms. I told husband that I wanted one of the apartments!
     
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    When my Dad's parents finally decided to move to a place we all had a mini party in our heads. It took forever to convince Grandma into thinking it was her idea. Grandpa was convinced early on! They had lived in the same house for about 30 years.

    Now they're loving it, and the whole family feels better about it.
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Its hell getting older! Now folks..dont forget...we are these people that all the younger generation are getting worried about...lmao. My kids are already starting to plan what to do with me and their dad!
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I really hope that your dad can come around and be sensible. As for what she needs money for, what does your DAD need money for? I am sure HE doesn't want to spend 75% of his income on his home and utilities. Then there is that possibility of increased medical bills as Gma ages. Heck, she might want to save up and take a cruise! My Gpa and Gma loved them.

    Maybe if your father would commit a few years rent into a trust fund for Gma so she would not have to worry about money then he could push his choice. I bet that isn't what he will agree to doing, but it is an option you could all discuss with him?
     
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I hope he comes around as well.
    My mother in law and her Dad are doing the stubborn dance right now as well. First it was getting him to give up his house. He could barely walk.
    Now it is his DRIVING!
    He "only" drives about a mile down the street to Round the Clock early in the morning, "It makes him feel like he still has a bit of independence!
    WHAT!
    mother in law is is in such denial, he is going to hurt someone.

    Sometimes it is hard on everyone, getting old.

    It sounds like at least you are one of the reasonable ones in the family.
    The place does sound great.
     
  8. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I talked to G'ma about it and gave her all the details. One of the things she's waiting on is to see if this job is 100% for my uncle. Otherwise, she said she's got this place down as an option. Dad, of course, is still determined to find something near him....maybe even a small house he says. :slap: She doesn't WANT to buy. Oh well....I'm still worried he'll push her into something she doesn't want but at the same time....he gets his stubborness from her. If she REALLY doesn't like his plan, she'll tell him. (tee hee)

    I also talked to one of my cousins over there and gave her the scoop. She's leaning towards "my" place too and is going to talk to G'ma and find out what she really thinks. I asked her to kind of test the waters and see if this place IS an option in G'ma's mind or if she's just trying to avoid telling me that she doesn't want to move to my town. At least that way I'll know if I should just drop it or do more. (I told G'ma if she decides it's something she's really interested in to let me know and I'd go take pictures for her and overnight them to her so she can check it out for herself.)

    One other factor in all this.....of course....is my uncle's dog. The place takes pets but I'm not so sure G'ma wants to keep him. He's a good dog though....some kind of Golden Retreiver / Cocker Spaniel mix....and the sweetest thing. He's fixed and housebroken and soooooooo pathetic looking with his ONE eye. LOL I know it will break my uncle's heart to get rid of him but he'd rather find him a home than take him to the shelter. My cousin and I actually came up with an idea....*coughcough*...I just need to speak with husband about it. If Uncle kept the dog, I told him he could bring him here to let him run in my fenced backyard as there really isn't anyplace to do that at the apartment. So my cousin and I thought that if Uncle works, he could bring the dog here like day care or a kind of shared custody thing. That way, he still has his dog but G'ma isn't around him constantly. But...we'll just have to see how things work out.
     
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sounds like you have a good plan. Hope Gma stands her ground with it.

    I might have a really bad day coming up in the neat future...give me your dad's number, I can call and take it out on him if you like! lol
     
  10. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Having just spent 2 days with mom, I can relate. It's so hard to help them when they fight you about everything.


    So if you have the answer for difficult parents let me know.
     
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I think you just found your NEXT job - put and ad in the paper looking for places that are affordable for peoples parents - within their budget -

    You're doing great. Your biodad is being unreasonable - had to laugh though. I wonder how many times he said AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH - MSTANG! lol (OH she did NOT say that)
     
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