Discussion in 'Failure to Thrive' started by soapbox, Mar 16, 2016.

  1. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    He's officially an adult.
    He drives.
    He works full-time.
    He has some amazing skills.

    But he can't...
    - wash dishes. (Seriously, yes. Can't "feel" when they are clean.)
    - call in to correct a problem on his insurance - at least not without massive drama and tension and delay.
    - regulate emotion.


    He isn't officially "disabled". But... he can't live on his own, can't look after himself at this point.

    If we try to qualify him as disabled, to get access to more resources, then we have just handed him the right to give up on making any effort.
    If we don't... we won't survive financially, it's really hard on hubby's health, and ... unless he somehow grows up in the next 10 years and can take care of himself, what will happen when we aren't here?

    Dilemma two.
    He really shouldn't be in the city. The pace, the noise, the people - it takes a lot out of him to be there. But that's where his job is.
    Fewer jobs in the country. But... pace is right, whole setting is better.

    (insert primal scream)

    I'm tired of having a million questions and no answers, zero support from anywhere, and a kid who is so sick and tired of "specialists" who (he's right, it's been the pattern) "don't know what they are doing and just make things worse"... so we can't even get him qualified as disabled if we wanted to.

  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean. (Not that that helps anything!)

    I'm trying to get some support for activities that increase socialization and independence. NOPE. The programs that are funded won't accept him, and the funding sources won't fund anything else.

    I'm at the end of my rope. Again. (along with the rest of life falling apart for other reasons)

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Getting my son labeled disabled NEVER stopped this hard worker from trying HARD. In fact despite the label, which I dont think he thinks about much, he washes dishes, his laundry, cooks, shops, works part time, bowls, plays softball and lives on his own on his own dime. He rarely asks for any help and is a happy, loving youg man who happens to be a little different. He has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).
    The label of disabled will open doors to him and opportunitities, if he takes them. Some young adults do not work as hard as others. If your son is a hard worker, he will try hard. He will make strides, especially if he HAS to do it himself.
    I dont know if he lives with you or not. My son worked hard even while still living with us. But he bloomed while in his own apartment, with a job and ssi allowing him to pay his own bills, including rent and electric.
    in my opinion the label opens doors and will not stop your son from doing anything, if he is capable and eager to try.
    Just my good experience and food for your thoughts.
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Soap, how old is he?

    I'm impressed that he works full time.
  5. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    He's 19. An "adult" only in two senses - age, and his ability to handle a full-time job. Otherwise, not even close to an adult.
  6. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    I'm impressed. Mine will be 21 soon and hasn't held a job for as long as a month yet. I get so frustrated...and have no clue how to help. I feel like at this age, he's on his own. I feel like my hands are tied. He's perfectly happy NOT working....