Aaron update: Our Neurologist reported us to CPS!!

[Catwmn]

I don't even know where to begin with this....

I received a call today from Children's Protective Services. They wanted to interview my husband and I regarding abuse and neglect allegations that were filed with them. She also told me that she had already spoken to Aaron YESTERDAY at school!! Without me knowing anything about it!! His teacher didn't even tell me when I came to pick him up...!!!!!

We immediately rushed down to the caseworker's office and did our interviews.

The allegations in the intake report were this:

1. Aaron has been wetting his pants a lot lately according to the doctor who filed the report and this is indicative of possible sexual abuse.

2. Aaron had a long red "welt" on the side of his face and mom and dad did not do a good job explaining where it came from and she suspects possible physical abuse.

3. The family lives in a very rural area and are "isolated" and have no family support.

4. Allegedly we also shelter our children too much, because Aaron is not involved in extracurricular activities at school.

5. We are "intolerant" of Aaron's behavior issues due to the fact that we pressed her for a referral to a Psychiatrist, and she feels that we simply want to "drug him out".

I am completely FLOORED. This doctor had never laid eyes on us until January 2. And even then she only spent THIRTY MINUTES with us. I will now explain the above points...

1. Aaron started wetting his pants when he developed epilepsy. This has always been an issue but it has gotten better since he was taken off of the Depakote. I even TOLD her this...that it had gotten better and that our past neurologist had told us that it was more than likely caused by the Depakote as it is a side effect.

2. As far as the "welt" on Aaron's face goes....he had been sleeping for two hours in the car leaning on a seat belt. We told her that when she asked about it and she seemed to accept that as an answer...I NEVER DREAMED she would turn it into an abuse report.

3. As far as living in a RURAL area goes...we can't help that. We live in a very small town about 75 miles north of Houston. We travel a LONG way to go to TCH to see all of these specialists. We are NOT isolated. And we SHARE our 50 acres of land with Bart's parents for gosh sakes!! We HAVE family support!!!

4. How do they expect Aaron to be able to do extracurricular activities in school when he can barely function in school?? I just don't get this one...

5. You're D*&N right I'm intolerant of his current behavior problems. They didn't start until he was diagnosed with Epilepsy and placed on AEDs. I DO NOT want to drug him out. I want a Psychiatrist to give us some answers as to what is happening to our little boy.

So now here are some questions:

1. If your doctor did this to you would you ask for a new doctor? I am thinking I should get a new doctor but we are on medicaid and the list is LONG to wait...but at the same time I'm just not comfortable going back to this one....


2. Does anyone have any suggestions for any kind of letter I could write to this doctor regarding this??

I just feel so LOST right now....they are going to interview the other two boys next week and do a home visit to check out our house to see what type of surroundings we are raising the kids in. I feel so VIOLATED!!!

*sigh*


I could write more but I'm just too sad right now....THanks for any input all you wonderful mommies and daddies might have...

Cat

 

[flutterbee]

You have to have trust with a doctor. I know they have laws that require them to report, but I would never be able to trust that doctor again. I would watch every word that came out of my mouth and would probably be afraid to give her important information out of fear of another CPS report. So, I would find another doctor.

As far as a letter, I wouldn't. It's not going to accomplish anything and it might come back to bite you. They are obligated to report anything suspicious and even though you know there is no abuse going on, she doesn't know anything about you. I think given Aaron's diagnosis's and the information you provided re: the medication side effects she should have taken pause, but for whatever reason she didn't. I just think a letter has the potential to backfire. I would just forget about her and find another doctor.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've never had CPS called, but I lived in fear of it for a long time because of difficult child's rages. You could hear her at the road; I know the neighbor's could hear her. I always made sure the kitchen was stocked with nutritious food, the house was clean, doctor's numbers were handy...I never wanted to be caught off guard.

Sending you strength and (((hugs))).

 

[meowbunny]

Aw, hon, I'm sorry.

The reality is the doctor had no choice if there was any question in her mind. While your explanations are reasonable, I'm sure someone abusing their child would have just as reasonable explanations. The teacher had no choice but not to tell you CPS interviewed your son. If CPS truly thought your son was abused or neglected, they would have removed him and probably your other children immediately.

As strange as it sounds, I'd be thankful she was so caring. I've been there and actually thanked my neighbor for trying to help protect my child. It did feel like a betrayal at first but then I sat back and started seeing it from her viewpoint. She knew me but not well. She knew I'd adopted my daughter and had seen her a time or two but really didn't know her or her problems. She had heard my daughter screaming and got worried. She called CPS. CPS did exactly what they did with you -- interviewed my daughter without my knowledge. Then they interviewed me, her therapist, her social worker (different departments and ne'er the twain shall meet). Ultimately, I was cleared and a few services were put in place to help to help her. You might get lucky and it may just open a door or two you didn't know existed.

It is a horrible feeling to be so investigated. Hopefully, it will end with the investigation or maybe with some offers of assistance such as equine therapy or whatever.

In the meantime, HUGS!

 

[flutterbee]

I have to ask...what's wrong with being rural? And even if you didn't have any family support, what exactly are you supposed to do about that? Many members on here have little or no support from family when it pertains to their difficult child's.

 

[BusynMember]

I personally think this doctor jumped the gun big time. My son wet his pants until he was twelve. He had an immature bladder. There are many reasons for wetting pants. Epilepsy is a good one--during seizures kids often do this. Did the doctor take x-rays and see fractures all over or just the welt? Sorry, I think the doctor is dangerous. I'd NEVER go back to her--EVER. I suspect you'll be cleared of all charges, but this doctor sounds like she is looking for abuse/neglect where it isn't. Sadly, some feel that being on Medicaid makes you a "bad parent." I know, I'm on it too. Lastly, how idiotic if the child can't maintain in school, how can he be in extracirricular activities? Heck, my easy child kids didn't care for extracirricular activities and weren't in many and we didn't get turned in for child abuse. Oh, yeah. Some people think it's "bad" to homeschool and that parents do it to isolate and abuse their kids. Wouldn't be surprised if Dr. Report has some of these prejudices.
Cooperate with CPS. Do NOT get defensive. But never see this doctor again. You can calmly explain your reason for wanting to see a Psychiatrist the same way you explained it here. Makes tons of sense.

 

[Nancy]

I agree with Heather, she makes a lot of sense. As much as you would like to write the letter, I agree it could backfire on you. You will be respected more if you simply answer their questions and allow them to see that there is nothing there.

BUT I would look for another dr. Put your name on a waiting list if you have to. I would never be able to trust that dr again. Also make sure you keep good notes of dr visits, therapy, medications, behavioral issues, school records, etc, for the future.

Nancy

 

[mrscatinthehat]

I really feel your pain. We have been investigated when it was so not even warrented. It feels like a violation. Like others have said the letter could potentially back fire but definately find another DR. I know how ridiculous some of it will seem. I found it amazing that because I was in therapy we were considered at a greater risk for abusing our kids. And that we had lower income. Who would have thought that taking care of myself and the fact that we didn't win the lottery made us risky? Big hugs. Take some deep breathes.

Beth

 

[gcvmom]

1. YES, I think you should start looking for a new doctor ASAP.

2. I think you should write a letter to the doctor and CPS and the school district stating exactly what you wrote here. And I would not hesitate to express my resentment at the assumptions that were made by someone who hardly knows you or your son. That doctor should have done a little more investigating before rushing to the phone to report any suspicions.

We've had bed wetting issues on Depakote as well. It's not one of the more common side effects, but it DOES happen, and the doctor should have known that.

This is a case of the "system" backfiring big time!

Keep breathing, and stand your ground. You've done nothing wrong and you will be vindicated!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I agree with Heather. Don't write the letter. The charges will all be cleared. The doctor did what she thought was right. A letter could complicate things or drag the case out. However, don't ever go back to that doctor. I don't think she is dangerous, but I think you should get a new one.

 

[busywend]

How about you report her to the medical board? Hey, if she can report you - you can report her.

Really though it is probably in your best interest to let it rest and find a new doctor.

 

[JJJ]

Cat,

I share your pain. Let's hope both our investigations come back unfounded ASAP!!

 

[susiestar]

Cat,

I am so sorry. We went through an investigation when we found out difficult child was abusing Jess. Though we KNEW the doctor was going to report it (she talked to me about it, made unwarranted promises to Jess that difficult child would never come home, and DID get services for us) we did not know that we would have a totally incompetent social worker. She also interviewed Jess with-o our knowledge - and traumatized her greatly. It was so bad that the principal that sat in on the interview reported the social worker!!

No matter why or how this gets reported, it is very very hard. Chances are the report, when you get it, will make no sense. At least that is common here.

Don't send any letter you write. If it helps you cope to write it all out in a letter form, go for it, but don't send it.

Do get on the waiting lists for other docs, as this doctor is way off base. (We have gotten heat and had reporting threatened because my kids are only allowed 1 extra-curricular at a time. It is nonsense.)

I am sending hugs and support to help you through this!

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I would definitely be looking for a new doctor.

 

[witzend]

OK, I am jumping right in with what I think is the most important part of advice that I can give you.

Do NOT under any circumstances write a letter to this doctor! If she can twist a seat belt mark from a nap into a welt from a beating, she can and will twist anything you write down into letters from Mommy Dearest!

Get a new doctor? H377 yes! Do whatever you have to in order to get these accusations invalidated and demand someone new. There is no way that they can expect you to take your child to see this nutcase again! How can a doctor not know the side affects of Depakote?

Seriously, do not write anything to this woman, and keep all contact to a minimum. If you have to see this doctor again, take Bart's parents as witnesses.

 

[DazedandConfused]

I've had two CPS visits myself. Both cases were closed, but I know how intruded upon I felt. Especially because I was running myself ragged trying to help Daughter.

Write the letter if it will make YOU feel better, but please, don't send it. I'm with the others, it could very well backfire on you. Don't see that Doctor again. The one thing that I have learned in all of my dealings with MDs is that they are people with their own perspective, and baggage, like the rest of us.They can also be gravely mistaken.

So, get it off your chest, but don't send. And find another MD.

 

[Marguerite]

I wouldn't be immediately rushing to get a new doctor, not until I sat and thought it out. The doctor did have to report any concerns she genuinely held, it is better to have a doctor act when it's not needed, than to not act when it's needed. If CPS's investigation shows the doctor's concerns are ungrounded, you have won on two counts - you have been cleared; and in fact are MORE clear than a family that has not been investigated at all.

I also wouldn't be writing the letter. I would see the doctor, at least one more time, to see if it is possible to salvage a working relationship out of this. To immediately rush off and change doctors is also the action of someone with something to hide, you shouldn't do it lightly. By going back at least one more time - you're showing that you're not afraid to face accusations so you can refute them.

I would not be making accusations about her in turn, that is childish and pointless and would not help your case one iota. It's tempting to think about, but don't do anything more than dream.

Only you can know if you feel you need to move on (for other reasons - she DID make this accusation after only a 30 minute consultation). But at least give it a try, in case she really felt she was doing the right thing and with your name cleared, she realises she got it wrong and wants to help.

Once your name is cleared, there are two possible responses you could get from her:

1) "I am sorry, I got it wrong, I really was concerned for him, I'm glad I was wrong and can now see for myself that you are caring parents who want to help your child."

Or

2)"Crikey, you must be cunning, you fooled CPS, but you haven't fooled me. I'll be watching you like a hawk, any chance I think you're abusing your son and I have the evidence, I will dob you in so fast your head will spin."

Both these views are diametrically opposed. A doctor with the second opinion - yes, you would have to move on, but no way could anyone criticise you for doing so. But a doctor with the first opinion - unless she is also totally incompetent, she could turn out to be your biggest ally. Her own guilty conscience would make her bend over backwards to give you what you want.

And there is a concern if you choose to move on - the next doctor won't know you either, and could make the same judgement call given the same information.
You do need to avoid that, because coming on the back of the previous complaint, that would result in a much more detailed examination by CPS, dotting i's and crossing t's. A big time-waster but also a darn nuisance when all you want is help for your child.

This is a very unpleasant thing to have to deal with, on top of everything else. been there done that, when difficult child 3 was 2 years old and a child care inspector blew the whistle on us because of difficult child 3's language delay. When CPS (equivalent) called, they made me feel like a loser and used circular logic to insist I was a bad mother for not helping my child. It didn't help that we live in a very small town and I was already having trouble with local gossips who were whispering that nasty word, "Munchhausen's". It takes time and careful effort to get that word shown to be wrong.

Good luck with this one. Go patiently, carefully and keep good records. Keep them handy so you can always be ready to answer criticisms like this - there will be more. Even those who don't deserve it, get this sort of scrutiny to deal with from time to time.

Sometimes it's the only way to teach the critics about what we have to deal with.

Marg

 

[bzymomto4]

I'm sorry for you. I couldn't trust this person again if they are jumping to conclusions over symptoms that represent so many issues in just 30 minutes. It really shows her unwillingness to be a partner in the solution. Getting a good doctor comes down to pot luck or a long hard search until until you meet the man ( or women) with true insight. I hope you find them.

 

[SRL]

I agree, I wouldn't write the letter.

I'd be searching for another doctor for sure. You'd never be able to step foot in the office again without concern that she's going to be looking for the worst.

 

[aeditha17]

Wow - this one's tough. i know I live in constnt fear that someone will report me. I know Tabitha can be heard down the block and she has no qualms screaming her head off all the way to the car, just in case the other end of the block didn't catch it while she was in the house!
I agree with Marg. Go back. Show everyone that you are not afraid of unfounded allegations. I might even schedule an appointment to discuss them with her. Why not? :hypnosis: I'd sit down and calmly say, "Thank you so much for your concern. Can we discuss them so that we may better understand each other? I am sure that you had very good reasons for calling CPS, but I would really like an opportunity to share our medical and psycho-social history with you since you are new to our case and our circumstances." I bet she has no idea what to do with that kind of reaction!!

Good luck to you. I will be thinking about you and praying for you.

Brandi

 

[tammyjh]

I am sorry to hear that you were reported. I would definitely find a new dr. but maybe not til afer the report from CPS comes back and I had one last appointment. with her to see her reaction.

I almost had cps called on me when difficult child had her last hospital stay. She told them that I grab her by the neck and throw her upstairs. They didn't report it but let me know that she said it and that they considered it.

My difficult child wets her pants too...she also had epilepsy and extensive brain surgery and unfortunately the wetting has gotten worse over the years. Its not uncommon for people with- epilepsy to have these types of problems. She's a neurologist and should know that.

We're rural too and have little support...we have family support when needed though...sister in law lives next door. I don't think rural should have anything to do with it at all.

I realize they have to report suspected cases of abuse and if they don't report when they suspect, they could get into trouble for it. Just sad for you that you have to deal with this. I agree that if you write a letter, I wouldn't send it. You may feel better if you write it out though.

Hang in there!!!