Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Ally, Aug 9, 2007.

  1. Ally

    Ally New Member

    My sister got an email today from my difficult child asking her for $138 to pay for birth control and pills for a "blater" infection with a phone # to call her at. My sis forwarded this email to me and this is what happened.

    I asked difficult child why she didnt call and let me know that she had a script that she wanted/needed filled. She then said that I said I would pay for birth control and f this and f that and then hung up. I called the pharmacy that it was at and had them add my extended benefit # so that her antibiotic wouldnt be so much and found out that she asked for 6 months of BC. Not likely. I then asked if they took Visa over the phone as I was going to pay for 3 months BC and her antibiotic. They said they didnt but the antibiotic was $9.85. I called back to tell her that and her boyfriend answered the phone. I told him that I couldnt pay for it at the store and wouldnt send her cash and wasnt paying for 6 months. He then verbally attacked me and told me that I was an awful parent and that if I had raised difficult child differently then she wouldnt be the way she was and that it was my fault that she was in trouble, etc. I told him that I wasnt perfect and never claimed to be and that I had done the best I could with what I had. He went on how I wanted her in jail and I started a bunch of rumors about her. I continued to repeat what I said earlier and that I had done what I thought was best, but maybe it wasnt, I wasnt perfect. This went on and on for 45 minutes UNTIL he told me that she was better off where she was with "Anne & Paul" and himself and was mad that I didnt ask them what they were like. I told him that I could have asked and for all I know they could have been crack dealers.. would they really have told me that??? Dont think so. He then told me that Paul was an RCMP officer. Nice huh?? difficult child lived at his house for 2 weeks before she was picked up. She is 16. They didnt wonder where her parents were or if anyone was looking for her?? difficult child's boyfriend claims that they didnt until the police showed up to pick her up. I call Bu**s**t. I think "Paul" knew exactly what was going on. What police officer would let a 16 yr old from the street stay with them, no ?'s asked?? He knew, I knew it. That makes me rather angry. Im going to talk to my friend who is a Cpl with the RCMP about it. I think its a bit unethical personally..........

    The boyfriend just doesnt get it. Im the bad person and if Id been a better parent she wouldnt be where she is today. Not understanding that she has a disability and that is what has caused this problem. I also told him that if he was the one sleeping with her then maybe he should be the one paying for her birth control.

    On the court front, she got 9 months probation, a 9 pm curfew, has to hold a job or go to school and live as directed, which is with "Anne & Paul" who I dont know thier last name or thier address.

    What a mess. She can do what she wants.... it doesnt matter what I say or do. Im garbage and know nothing. Oh ya... the boyfriend asked who was going to pay child support. LMAO!!!! Pretty much said he was going to take someone to court to make it happen. Lets see him try...... She has a place to live and parents that love her... she just chooses not to live with us.

  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    You talked to that jerk, and put up with that abuse, for 45 minutes?

    Ally. You can't win with these two at this point. Please don't subject yourself to long conversations (arguments) with them. They aren't hearing you and you are getting hurt further.

    Take a look at this thread from our archives. If you have to talk to them, perhaps these responses will help the tone stay calmer......and if not....HANG UP!


  3. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I agree with Suz. You don't need that kind of abuse from somebody who doesn't know, and doesn't know he doesn't know.

    Seems to me that you should be able to find out more info on the people who have difficult child living with them.

    I think her boyfriend should pay for her birth control since he is so grown up and knows so much.

    Is she obeying the court ruling? What will happen if she doesn't stick to her 9 PM curfew or comply with getting a job or going to school?
  4. Ally

    Ally New Member

    I agree and I should have hung up, but I have isses with hanging up on people. I think in the end that he may have started to see my point, which I think is important. That its not all my fault and that she has to take responsibilty for her actions.

    I agree that her boyfriend should pay for the birth control and I told him as much. So far they havent sent me an amount for what its going to be so until I get that, Im not sending a dime.

    As far as I know she hasnt broken the court ruling, yet. I would think that if she does, she will either end up back in jail and her probation will be extended.

    The thing that really irks me today is that she was staying with the family of a police officer and he just let it happen and took her word for what was happening and didnt try and find her parents.
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Ally</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I think in the end that he may have started to see my point, which I think is important. That its not all my fault and that she has to take responsibilty for her actions. </div></div>

    I just had to comment on this part of your post. I have been there before, and have learned, through MUCH practice, that 99% of the time it truly is a waste of time and precious energy to try to make third parties "see my point" when it comes to my children. I've had to let this go, time and time again. It hurts to know that someone is so... misinformed (brainwashed) when it comes to the information either my child or even my ex, has given them about me ... but I have no control over other people and how they view my situation. If I know I am right, and am continuting to do what I nkow is right, then I have to just stick with that and stop trying to convince other people that I am right and my child is wrong.

    I know it is easier said than done, believe me, but please don't put yourself through this again. Taking verbal abuse for any length of time, and trying to speak rationally to an irrational person, will only drain you more.

  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The boyfriend is having sex with your daughter and then demanded that you pay for her birth control and asked for child support on top of that?? Now I have heard everything.

    Has this world gone crazy? by the way, how old is he? Is the U.S. he could be tried with statutory rape.

    I agree with Suz. Don't take this kind of abuse from anyone.


  7. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Im done with them. They can think what they want. I know in my heart what I have done and have been through trying to help her. They can ask anyone who knows me or is a part of my life. The family that she is living with and her boyfriend are going to think what they think and nothing will change that.

    He also told me that parents are meant to be abused. We are supposed to put up with all the :censored2: that our kids give out and still give them what they want. Its our job as parents. I told him otherwise, he doesnt get it.

    He is 22 ( I think) I wonder if there is anything in Canada that he can be charged with. I may have to look into that.....

    Thanks for all the advice. Its nice to come here and have everything put in perspective. No matter how harsh it may sound the advice is always right.

  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I was thinking about his age too. he is sick. why would he want to take in a 16 yr old girl with some problems at his age? other than for sex. if he wants them to have sex, let him pay for the birth control or get a vasectomy himself. heck we here on the board were thinking of opening a vasectomny clinic...lol
  9. Ally

    Ally New Member

    He does seem to have her best interests at heart, but ya..... I hear ya and the age thing...

    Besides what do I know?? Apparently Im the worst parent alive in their minds.

  10. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Ally, you have us, now.

    You are a wonderful mother, or you would not be here, trying to figure out how to help your child.

    You are right about others not understanding. They don't, and never will. Things will become easier for you once you understand that the "other" in this case, has his own particular ax to grind. Conserve your energy.

    Read through the list of responses Suz listed earlier in this thread.

    The Barbara they're talking about?

    That's me.

    I could no more hang up a phone on someone than the man in the moon.

    But every time we do listen? They weaken us, weaken our resolve, leave us feeling broken and foolish.

    Take strength from us, Ally.

  11. Ally

    Ally New Member

    I remember that post now that I read it again. I copied and pasted it and stuck it to my easy child desk for the next phone call.

    Thanks so much for being there and keeping me sane!!
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Ally, I apologize because I can't recall you exact situation. I
    have been a tad overwhelmed lately. BUT I can't figure out what
    child support. I must be missing something. boyfriend wants you to pay
    child support to him so he gets paid to sleep with your teen???
    Somehow I thought she was pregnant but obviously that is wrong
    because you wouldn't be taking birth control if you were already

    I'm shaking my head at the computer trying to figure our "What??"
  13. Ally

    Ally New Member

    I am also shaking my head. boyfriend thinks that someone should be paying child support for her even though she chooses not to live at home because there are rules and she chooses to live at someone elses home because there are the same rules. I guess he figures that I should pay him sleep with her cause he is keeping her safe and making sure that she is following her probation?? I cant quite figure it out. Im not worried about it. I highly doubt they are going to take it to court. Its just a way to try and get money.

    She is not pregnant but told me she might be and that they both want to have a baby. Silly silly girl. She was just trying to get my goat.
  14. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    That is 6 yrs age difference, here in the states he would be arrested.

    Is he living with the family as well? Is he wanting child support for himself or the family she is with?
  15. Ally

    Ally New Member

    He is also living with the family. Apparently they have a history of taking in wayward kids. You would think an RCMP officer would know better. Im not sure who he is wanting the support for, he didnt say, just that someone should be paying it. In the past difficult child has asked that it be paid directly to her because she deserved it. Who knows. He is as whacked as she is. 22 yrs old, has been living with a family for 3 weeks that he doesnt know, works sporadically. Me thinks that they are both just working the system.