About the replies to Stands

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Estherfromjerusalem, May 6, 2008.

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  1. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I should have posted it as a new thread. Please look at what I wrote at the end of the "ants in the pants" posting -- it is important to me that all of you who replied to Stands should read it. I don't know how to copy and paste it to here, otherwise I would do that.

    I am one very angry woman.

  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Esther, there is a HUGE difference about not taking our advice and continually asking the same questions, getting the same answers and then whining because you don't like the answers.

    Many of us have given CAMom the same advice time and again. She chose to do differently and explained why. She didn't come back time and again with the same questions. We didn't feel we were being used for her entertainment.

    This may be harsh, but I know that's how I feel with stands. I honestly don't believe it was her husband who bailed her son out and brought him back home. I think if he did it, he did it on her behalf.

    I also think we wouldn't be as frustrated if we thought she was truly helping her son. The reality is that she is enabling her son to use drugs. She's taken him to get them in the past. She'll take him to get them in future if she continues the way she is going.

    There is a huge difference between wanting to help your child any way possible and denying at least to some extent to yourself that your son has a drug problem (why post in PE rather than the drug forum otherwise) and helping him get drugs. Why do the same post over and over (different words, same tune) -- you know what the responses will be -- if not for attention?

    If what I have said here angers you, I'm truly sorry. You are a great woman who has walked the ends of the earth for her son. Sorry, I don't like feeling used. I have enough pain in my life and I feel enough pain for the parents here who fight long and hard to save their sons and daughters. I refuse to shed another tear or feel an ounce of emotion for someone who doesn't even remotely try to help herself, her family or child in need.
  3. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I hear what you say. It's just that however "right" the advice she is given might be, she is the person she is with her own limitations, and that is the best she can do at this stage of her life with powers that she has. She obviously has those powers and no more. And there are many people that no matter how many times you say to them what is "true" and what is "right," they just don't get it. They see things from where THEY are at, not from where YOU are at. That's the way it goes. We are all, in our own way, difficult children, and so is Stands.

    It is frustrating to be 100 percent sure you are right and still not to be able to get it over to someone else, I agree.

    But to write like that, with anger, impatience, without any compassion. What is this? There is more than one angle to any situation, we all know that. Stands is suffering, in her own way. Why add to her suffering? Why not write more gently? Or why not just NOT WRITE! That is one of the great beauties of the internet -- if you want to ignore it, you can. So ignore it.

    Sometimes one has no strength left to do anything except to moan. In my humble opinion, that is also legitimate here on this board.

    I do not think that the point of this board is to hurt someone else's feelings. The real bottom line of my anger is because I think Stands's feelings might be hurt unnecessarily. That is not the aim here. Other members don't have to vent their spleen because they feel frustrated. Yes, it is frustrating to read it and see that she is making the same mistake over and over, but it is not our job to preach and be haughty and nasty. One can say the exact same things with compassion and understanding -- and probably get through much better that way.

    My argument is not over WHAT is being said here. It is about HOW it is being said. I know that whenever I post, I read over what I have written and edit it, and change things -- I'll do anything in order NOT to add to someone's hurt. Because whoever writes here is hurting. Don't we all know it!!

    I think it is important to talk about this, openly. I'm not sorry I brought this subject up. I think sometimes people are too sure of themselves, and we should all remember to have just a little bit of humility when we write. After all, when all is said and done, each and every one of us is only human, and makes mistakes, and doesn't know everything best. Advice is one thing -- preaching is another (and preaching doesn't have to be religious in order to be unbearable).

  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Esther, I appreciate your heartfelt input and Meowbunny's eloquent reply. I responded on the other thread. It is time for us to move on.

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