about to give up!

[DammitJanet]

Who in the HE double hockey sticks is prescribing this 24 year old ADDICT XANAX????????

I am 45 years old, never abused a prescription drug (Ok not since I was a teen and that was too long ago to count!) and the psychiatrist at county mental health refused to give me klonopin because it was too addictive. Never mind the fact that I had been on it for years at the same dose!

But I am not an addict, dont have any addictive behaviors, dont have any legal problems, and doctors can check my prescriptions any time they wish and find that I am in total compliance with my medications.

Why oh why would they give an addict xanax? Is the doctor nuts? Does he want his license yanked? The DEA is watching this stuff much more closely now.

 

[standswithcourage]

I dont know where he is now. When he acts that way he can be sure that my husband nor I will stand it. Just pray for strength for me. I am sooooooo tired of this. I will get my therapy again soon. That therapist told me to tell his doctor, probation officer and voc rehab about the trouble we are having. Please dont get frustrated real bad with me! I know I am crazy but I am trying to do better.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

OK, this is easy.

DO

NOT

LET

HIM

IN

THE

HOUSE.


Can you do that?

 

[meowbunny]

What I am seeing is a mother who loves her son but is unwilling or unable to help him. He is killing himself with his drug use and his mother is a willing participant in this suicide. Sometimes this type of suicide is quick, sometimes it takes years but, either way, it is a waste of a life and an early death.

It does sound like he will be going to rehab whether he likes it or not thanks to his probation officer. Then the question becomes what happens when he gets done with the rehab. He certainly has no intention of quitting at this time or he wouldn't be saying he wants his pills when he gets out. Yes, it would be nice if he could go straight from rehab into another facility but the odds are against that. There is only so much money the government will spend on an individual and a junkie not willing to quit ia not a high priority.

So, you, as his mother, need to decide what you will do when he gets out and starts using again.

 

[witzend]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: meowbunny</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
It does sound like he will be going to rehab whether he likes it or not thanks to his probation officer. </div></div>

I imagine it is much more likely that the PO will give him the limited time offer of a choice of jail or rehab. I doubt they will take him in rehab given his refusal to participate in it. There are people who want to go and want to recover. Why give him their bed?

 

[DammitJanet]

I agree MB.

Its so very hard to be the one to tell your son to go away. I havent managed it yet. He knows he is on very thin ice though so he is toeing the line.

First time I have ever seen him this compliant.

You really need to give him his wake up call so he will want to comply with rules and regulations. He needs to hit bottom. Until he does he wont ever be willing to attempt to climb up. You have to stop helping to cushioning his fall.

 

[KFld]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I dont know where he is now. When he acts that way he can be sure that my husband nor I will stand it. Just pray for strength for me. I am sooooooo tired of this. I will get my therapy again soon. That therapist told me to tell his doctor, probation officer and voc rehab about the trouble we are having. Please dont get frustrated real bad with me! I know I am crazy but I am trying to do better. </div></div>

you're not crazy, you are just confused and very stressed. We all get to this point when we have to make the decisions you are trying to make righ now.

Belive me, when you detatch, stop enabling and force him to stand on his own two feet he will do it.

My difficult child will be 1 year clean in 4 days, and if I hadn't thrown him out to do this on his own I don't believe for one minute he would be where he is today. He is working full time, just told me he's starting another part time job in November on his days off, went and ordered checks at the bank the other day. He has turned into this clean, responsible adult.

The best part of all of this is, HE'S HAPPY AND HEALTHY :smile:

You can do this for both of you. I am giving you strength!!!!!

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Here is my detached reply to you:

I'm saddened that you feel so helpless when it comes to your difficult child's drug usage. I'll send you some cyber strength and good thoughts.

Here's my "input" as a cyber poster responding to your thread:

Stands, you need to step back and view this whole situation as an outsider. Your difficult child is a drug user. He cons people into writing Rx's for him. He cons people into letting them use their sofa and home for his crash pad. He cons people into giving him rides. He manipulates and gets what he wants and needs due to drugs and whatever else is his undiagnosed diagnosis.

He is wrecking your family as well as yourself.

You want the "system" to fix him. That's not going to happen. States, judges, juries, programs, voc rehabs, PO's can't make it happen. Everyone is strapped for $$. Beds at rehabs cost $$ and folks have to meet criteria to get them. States will only spend a certain amt of $$ before the only place left is jail/prison.

You did your job as a parent. You raised him and got him to the legal age of majority. Whatever he does from then on is his choice. His responsibility, his consequences, his actions. Only he can hit bottom and turn hisself around.

You are not being asked to "choose". You are being given suggestions and advice on how to "live" how to "survive", on how to "move your remaining functioning family forward".

 

[goldenguru]

Hi stands~

After re-reading several of your long threads this is my conclusion. You have two options:

1) Keep doing what you're doing. Allow him to live with you. Eat your food. Have a nice hot shower every day. And continue to be a drug addict. -OR-

2) Do something different and new. Consider all of the advise you have received here and from his voc rehab person. Hold him accountable and take control of your life and your home again.

It's really very cut and dry. Very simple. We have shared our heartaches, our experience our 'wisdom'. We have offered opinions, our stories and our learned lessons.

The rest is up to you.

If you choose to do nothing, that is certainly your choice.

If you choose to become proactive that is your choice too. I'm sure we would all be here to offer support and encouragement.

I for one have nothing else to offer you. I have prayed for you. I have shared my story with you. I have encouraged you to make some changes ... changes that will benefit you all.

Personally I just don't know what else to offer you.

I wish you well. I wish your son well.

 

[standswithcourage]

Thanks. I just wonder why he hasnt gotten it already. All the times he was on his own and not doing good. why didnt he get it then. I guess it wasnt as hard for him as it was for me. I will get it soon and do something about it.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I'm going to just say it. We are all here wondering why YOU haven't gotten it yet!!

The apple must not fall far from the tree.

The answer to all his problems is right there in front of him. You just want to shake him and say "dude! look! it's right here! just get clean!"

The answer to all YOUR problems is right there in front of you. I just want to shake you and say "chicky! look! it's right there! just detach!"

See the correlation? He is as stubborn as his mother.

He does not want help. It is more fun for him to get attention from everyone. "oh, my tooth hurts, mommy help me, oh I need a couch to sleep on, ohhh get me some xanax, ohh stay home with me so I don't get bored."

You do not want help. You just want to complain. "Oh my mean old son did this and that, but I can't throw him out, what if this and what if that, he needs me for this and that."

There is a term for that. You guys are on a 2-seater pity pot.

It has been said SO many ways (and several hundred times). YOU cannot solve his problems for him. From what I've seen, you are having a hard time solving your own. YOU need to worry about YOU because NOBODY ELSE is going to. Let HIM deal with his own demons. Ahh, I feel like a broken record. Grown man. 24. Not your problem. has 2 feet. Can walk. Let him go to jail. Blah and blah and blah blah blah.

What GG said, about having nothing else to offer you, I said that once already a couple weeks ago. Something makes me keep coming back. I WANT you to get this! You know, I have a suggestion. Why don't you see if husband will read these threads. Just for giggles. See what he has to say about them.

 

[Suz]

We are at an impasse again on this thread and it's going nowhere so, once again, I am going to lock it.

No harm done; it's just time for everyone to take a breather. :angel:

Susan, step back for a day or two. Read the threads and talk to your husband about the next step the TWO OF YOU should take as a partnership.

Good luck.

Suz

 

[Navidad]

Agrees with Big Bad Kitty!!!
​

 

[Suz]

Goodness........this is an old thread that was locked. Guess it came unlocked during the conversion........so I'll lock it again!

Suz