About to lose it...RANT!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by trinityroyal, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I've just about hit the breaking point, and I need to vent!

    Ever since difficult child came home from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in August he's been an absolute NIGHTMARE to be around. He's miserable and defiant and mouthy and pushy, and having some very ugly moods and destrictuve behaviour. :grrr:

    Earlier in the summer he ran into some trouble with the police, and he now has to be either under SO's or my direct supervision, or in lockdown in the house.

    I had him at the office with me for a couple of weeks when he first came home (and was terrified daily that I would lose my job over it). Step-d has been coming over every day to stay with him while SO and I are at work. We are desperately trying to find a new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement for him, and possibly have something lined up for lat October, but I'm wondering how we'll all survive the next few weeks until then.

    Much as I'm grateful for Step-d's help...we could not do this if not for her...she just can't handle difficult child's defiance or rages, and things are getting out of hand. Whenever SO or I get home from work there's chaos. The house is a pigsty, difficult child is usually locked in his room, Step-d has bruises and scratches all up her arms where difficult child has been going after her...and it just goes on.

    In the last 2 days alone, difficult child has stolen things from our (locked) home office and his little brother's (locked) room, punched Step-d and grabbed her hard enough to leave finger marks on her arms, and when she found him looking at...umm...highly inappropriate content on the internet and told him to get off the computer, he threatened her with a kitchen knife.

    SO works full time and I work 2 jobs to pay for all the treatment, therapy and medications for difficult child (if you think Canada has free health care, you're mistaken, but that's another rant...)

    Little easy child is staying with relatives right now so that he doesn't have to be in the middle of all this mess. Step-d is suffering at the hands of difficult child. And SO has a heart condition, and this is taking a huge toll on him. His health had already deteriorated terribly since difficult child's been home, and then he was in a car accident a few weeks ago that has made things so much worse. And I'm just trying to hold it together myself because someone has to...But I'm about ready to snap. I love difficult child but right now I just want him gone. I want him out of my house so that I can take care of my other kids and my SO. If anything happens to my SO because of this...I will blame difficult child, and I don't know if I'll be able to forgive him.

    I feel like a terrible mom for having such thoughts, but I just want him to go away. :9-07tears:

    Thanks for listening.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I so understand and I hear you.

    I wish I could offer you some advice but I have none so I will offer some hugs. {{{{hugs}}}}
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am sorry you are going through this, and I cannot even begin to understand as my girlfriend is much younger. I hope you make it through this tough time
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    WOW.........This is really serious! He is way too old to be allowed to do these types of things without serious consequences, as in the law needing to intervene, because he is abusing people!!!!!! Does step d call the law when he is coming at her?

    Tell me about your social services in Canada? Can you do what we can here and file for a CHINS? Can you get any type of govt agency involved that will remove your son, and take him somewhere to get him the help, and ensure you guys will be safe? What is the hold up on the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? Can he stay in a psychiatric hospital until the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) opens?

    in my opinion he needs to be somewhere else, ASAP! He is a danger to himself, and others. He sounds improperly medicated also..........something needs to be done.

    So sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is! Sending gentle hugs to you and SO until this can get resolved.
  5. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    I don't know where abouts you are in Ontario but could you not take him to ER and refuse to bring him home? We took difficult child to CHEO and he was seen by an emerg intake person (the name escapes me) who was pretty helpful.

    I know your difficult child is older so I don't know if they can help. What does your doctor suggest?
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Willow, you make a good point about difficult child's medications. I need to talk to the psychiatrist right away about adjusting/adding/switching his medications around.

    We are working with social services and the youth court to get the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement organized for him as fast as we can. But it's complex, and the wheels grind slowly. As things stand...if difficult child is away from home and not under my or SO's supervision...even at a hospital, he is in breach of the court order and will be put in jail.

    (The police who he dealt with in the summer kept him locked in an interview room at the station, because they were afraid that he'd be beaten or killed if they put him in the cells...he may be 6 ft 4, but he only weighs 115 lbs and functions at the level of a 6-yr-old, and he can't stop running his mouth...even when a bigger stronger boy is holding him up off the floor by his shirtfront, which happened at school last year) Until we can get the court order changed, we can't even take him to the hospital unless SO or I stay there with him.

    Step-d hasn't phoned so far today, so I'm praying that all is well at home. Sigh.

    Thanks for your support. I feel better just knowing you all understand.
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Wow, how terribly complicated. As far as medications, I would see if the psychiatrist could temporarily place him on a high dose of something like Risperdal or Seroquel, so that he is heavily sedated. It is never something I would suggest longterm - but as this point, in my opinion, he basically needs a chemical restraint, until you can get him safe again.

    Please hang in there............and keep us posted.
  8. morningcuppa

    morningcuppa New Member

    So sorry to hear about your situation. I wish I couldd think of something to say to make it go away.

    Sending hugs and thinking of you.
  9. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all the hugs and support. It's wonderful to have somewhere I can vent freely...only close family knows about difficult child's situation, and they don't have difficult children so it's hard for them to relate.

    Based on Step-d's end-of-day report, difficult child had another bad day, but not nearly as bad as the last few (mainly because she kept him confined to his room all day).

    Willow, thanks for the suggestion. difficult child's therapist mentioned risperdal several months ago, but didn't think it was needed at the time. Maybe we need to re-examine it, and see if we can get him on it for a short while.

    I will post an update when I have more to tell.

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear, you do have your hands full. I don't know what to do except tell you to take turns, just like you've been doing. No one individual can handle that all the time.
    Is he in school? (Sorry if I missed that part.) Does he have his own computer? How often does he rage? It sounds like it's pretty much all day at this point.
    Has anyone been able to talk to him about what happened at his Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?
  11. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello everyone,

    Thanks so much for your support over the last couple of days...it really helped to get me through.

    Step-d reported that difficult child had a good day yesterday. Good enough that she was able to let him out of his room in the late afternoon (after 2 straight days of lockdown). He was able to sit quietly with her and work on his jigsaw puzzle, and then bath and bed. :whew:

    psychiatrist was reluctant to prescribe Risperdal...I don't fully understand this, and need to do more research, but she suggested that we up his paxil to double the current dose.

    SO also had a long talk with difficult child. Seems he's got terrible cabin fever from being housebound all day. He can go out in the back yard and run around, but he can't go out. And, it turns out that he misses the summer Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and he's very anxious about the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    When we've talked about it before, he was excited, but this anxiety has just been boiling under the surface for weeks. I feel terrible that I missed the signs earlier...maybe I could have gotten him intervention before the meltdowns got this bad.

    SO explained that the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is run by the same people as the old one, only it's closer to home so we'll be able to see him more often.

    Fingers (and lots of other things crossed) that the stability holds for the next couple of weeks, or that I will recognize the anxiety before it gets this bad.

    (In answer to your question, Terry, difficult child doesn't have a computer, because he tends to go straight to...umm...inappropriate content)

    Thanks again for the hugs and support.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending hugs and prayers to all of you Trinity.

    Does your city/county have a Youth Shelter? Can you get the judge to order your son sent there?

    psychiatrist may be reluctant, but difficult child truly needs a chemical restraint. Does psychiatrist understand teh court order and all the other issues?

    in my humble opinion you need to contact the judge and ask him to order difficult child sent somewhere until the new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) comes through. The health issues alone are probably enough to justify the judge doing this.

    If your son is hurting someone the police need to be called. IT sounds as though your difficult child is truly a danger to others. I know jail is a bad place, but your difficult child keeps making these choices, and he must be made to suffer the consequences.

    I know he is delayed in functioning, but that still doesn't mean he can continue these behaviors. A 6yo can learn not to hurt others. So can your son.

    It was a truly good decision to have your younger one stay with someone else. OTherwise you might be facing CPS for not protecting her.


  13. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    The psychiatrist is aware of the court order and the other issues I raised with her. Maybe I wasn't forceful enough in talking to her...when difficult child has his weekly appointment with her he's always sweet as cream and well behaved. She's never seen him in full-rage, or anything even close to it.

    I will try talking to her again about the Risperdal. From the advice I've received here so far, it will at least settle him down for the next few weeks. SO has always been a bit afraid of medications for difficult child< but after the last week he seems to have come around.

    Maybe if he talks to psychiatrist she'll listen. Either way, we will get things sorted out.

    Susie, your words about my little easy child mean a lot. I was torn up about that decision, but couldn't take the risk of difficult child hurting him. My baby is safe with family members who love him, and I go to see him as often as I can. For now...it works.

    Thanks everyone for the advice and support. I've always been able to get difficult child under control until now, and now that I can't I feel helpless.

    I'm going to go call the psychiatrist and try again...
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I don't know how I missed this yesterday!

    I'm sorry I don't have any good advice, but I have a shoulder to lean on and (((hugs))). Sending you strength too.