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General Parenting
about to start school, what to tell teacher?
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 374696" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Welcome!</p><p></p><p>Some good points have been made. I think that it is probably best to hold off for a couple of weeks if your daughter has no formal diagnosis. As mentioned, many kids behave within reason in a school setting. In my experience, more so when in the early grades and kindergarten. My difficult child was a handful from a young age, and I had the identical concerns when he began school, but no diagnosis. I mentioned nothing to teachers and had no reports of any problems until grade 2. difficult child melted down something fierce before school one morning and he'd been escalating and out of control for a period of a few weeks. So that day I explained to the teacher what he's like at home and the escalation and my concerns for him, and just asked her to let me know if he gets out of hand please. I had thought his meltdown would finally cross over from home to school at that stage. She told me she couldn't picture my difficult child acting as i described at all, and had no problems with him that she couldn't handle. (This was about 6 weeks or so before the end of the school year, so she had the whole year to get to know him) I received no feedback and no concerns were mentioned. About 2-3 weeks before the end of the year, I had a call to please come meet with teacher and principal. Suddenly her concerns were so strong and my difficult child was so out of control in the classroom (I still have no clue why if he was so out of hand and given that I had discussed this with her and asked for feedback, I had not one contact to inform me he was out of hand or a problem at all) the principal and the special education and class teacher had decided my son needed to stay home the last couple weeks of school because he was so out of hand the teacher supposedly could no longer handle him being in the classroom at all!!! They also informed me he would not be permitted to continue in a regular classroom the next fall, but would have to go into a day treatment type classroom. 8 kids, teacher, full time therapist etc) that was a behavior modification and social skills program. </p><p></p><p>It was completely a strange transition for my difficult child. Prior to me mentioning issues to the teacher, she saw nothing in him to think he was a difficult child and was more than able to manage him and any problems didn't appear to her to be out of control. Suddenly she is told of his at home behaviors and he is deemed unable to be in a regular classroom and can't even attend for the rest of the year! I asked what had changed in that short period of a few weeks given that she'd told me that he was a delight in her class and that he just appeared to her to require more input and structure and guidance from her than some other students. The only answer I received was that the teacher hadn't noticed how much effort went into keeping difficult child from melting down and that she was seeing it now and was at a point where she no longer could keep him in line. I was stunned and reminded her that a few weeks ago she told me that he'd never melted down or shown signs of it. A couple of years later I learned that difficult child never had acted out badly in that class and her initial statement was accurate, she'd never had him near meltdown at all. She just viewed him differently based on my informing him of his problems at home. </p><p></p><p>I'm not saying that it is always like this, just my own experience. Of course if there is a diagnosis or if your difficult child shows signs of not coping well in the classroom I would certainly discuss your difficult children issues with the teacher. However if there is no diagnosis, I would give difficult child a time to settle into a school routine and see how he responds. If you receive feedback that he is having issues in class, your input at that point would be very helpful for them to understand difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board once again. You're among some pretty good people in here. It was a invaluable resource of support and been there done that type wisdom through those hard years with my difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 374696, member: 4264"] Welcome! Some good points have been made. I think that it is probably best to hold off for a couple of weeks if your daughter has no formal diagnosis. As mentioned, many kids behave within reason in a school setting. In my experience, more so when in the early grades and kindergarten. My difficult child was a handful from a young age, and I had the identical concerns when he began school, but no diagnosis. I mentioned nothing to teachers and had no reports of any problems until grade 2. difficult child melted down something fierce before school one morning and he'd been escalating and out of control for a period of a few weeks. So that day I explained to the teacher what he's like at home and the escalation and my concerns for him, and just asked her to let me know if he gets out of hand please. I had thought his meltdown would finally cross over from home to school at that stage. She told me she couldn't picture my difficult child acting as i described at all, and had no problems with him that she couldn't handle. (This was about 6 weeks or so before the end of the school year, so she had the whole year to get to know him) I received no feedback and no concerns were mentioned. About 2-3 weeks before the end of the year, I had a call to please come meet with teacher and principal. Suddenly her concerns were so strong and my difficult child was so out of control in the classroom (I still have no clue why if he was so out of hand and given that I had discussed this with her and asked for feedback, I had not one contact to inform me he was out of hand or a problem at all) the principal and the special education and class teacher had decided my son needed to stay home the last couple weeks of school because he was so out of hand the teacher supposedly could no longer handle him being in the classroom at all!!! They also informed me he would not be permitted to continue in a regular classroom the next fall, but would have to go into a day treatment type classroom. 8 kids, teacher, full time therapist etc) that was a behavior modification and social skills program. It was completely a strange transition for my difficult child. Prior to me mentioning issues to the teacher, she saw nothing in him to think he was a difficult child and was more than able to manage him and any problems didn't appear to her to be out of control. Suddenly she is told of his at home behaviors and he is deemed unable to be in a regular classroom and can't even attend for the rest of the year! I asked what had changed in that short period of a few weeks given that she'd told me that he was a delight in her class and that he just appeared to her to require more input and structure and guidance from her than some other students. The only answer I received was that the teacher hadn't noticed how much effort went into keeping difficult child from melting down and that she was seeing it now and was at a point where she no longer could keep him in line. I was stunned and reminded her that a few weeks ago she told me that he'd never melted down or shown signs of it. A couple of years later I learned that difficult child never had acted out badly in that class and her initial statement was accurate, she'd never had him near meltdown at all. She just viewed him differently based on my informing him of his problems at home. I'm not saying that it is always like this, just my own experience. Of course if there is a diagnosis or if your difficult child shows signs of not coping well in the classroom I would certainly discuss your difficult children issues with the teacher. However if there is no diagnosis, I would give difficult child a time to settle into a school routine and see how he responds. If you receive feedback that he is having issues in class, your input at that point would be very helpful for them to understand difficult child. Welcome to the board once again. You're among some pretty good people in here. It was a invaluable resource of support and been there done that type wisdom through those hard years with my difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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