Absent father's girlfriend posted photo of difficult child on the web - "My family".

[eekysign]

ST2, you're right! They paint us a pretty picture, don't they? lol

Its sad, too, cause I think step-parents could play such a valuable roll. Instead of one partner to help raise a child, you should have 3! And think what it could be if everyone worked together...

Just makes me sad.

I had four parents growing up, and loved every minute of it! I'm even closer to my stepmom now than I was as a kid - we're pretty similar, in a lot of ways. She's like you guys - "I'm not your mother!". So now we're friends, and she yells at me when I get her mother's day cards. But I still do, every year, 'cause it's a running joke by now.

 

[jbrain]

My difficult child 2 (who did not accept her stepdad at first) has always called her stepdad by his name, J-----, but she told him a couple of years ago that in her mind when she says his name she is saying "Dad."

I'm glad I have had my husband to help me raise these kids, he has been a great stepdad.

 

[gcvmom]

I agree -- you need to corner her and spell it out in black and white. If she can't stay away, you'll need to file a restraining order. Maybe if she understands the lengths you'll go to for wee difficult child's protection, she'll back off. And if not, then let her have it!

 

[Shari]

Exactly my point. It could be an amazing asset for a child. Unfortunately, its usually a huge liability.

I never tried to be difficult child 1's mom. What I did try to do eventually was fill in the gaps. Turns out those gaps were what mom should have been doing, and in time, he recognized it for what it was, and I took on the "mom" role in his mind.

I treat easy child 2 the same as my own kids. I try to include her in as much as I can given her limited schedule with us, etc. I will never replace her mom, and that's ok. But her counselor made a point one day to call me and let me know that I'm a positive role model in her life and she's seeing a difference in people. Was just what I needed that day, too, cause dealing with her mom is about as fun as gater wrestling.

GCV you snuck in on me! I'm going to talk to exMIL tonight about backing her off subtley. We'll see how that goes. If that doesn't work, we'll try not being so subtle. lol

 

[Shari]

difficult child 1's wife called a bit ago to let me know the girlfriend left her a message today, all excited, because wee difficult child told girlfriend he loved her yesterday and that girlfriend intends to go to exMILs at least 2 or 3 times a week to build a relationship with wee difficult child so exMIL and I will change our minds about wee difficult child going to girlfriend's house.

THEN wee difficult child and I went to the grocery store and he informed me his sister at his old dad's house is having a baby.

Ok people. WAY TOO FAR.

 

[susiestar]

Go and get a restraining order. This is getting SCARY. Also contact Myspace or wherever she posted his picture and tell them to take it down. She cannot put your minor child's photo up with-o your permission. It would be different if you had "shared parenting" or whatever, but you don't.

And if DEX objects to any of this, tell him to expect to be served for child support and back child support.

Is it possible to tell mother in law that until difficult child can be at her home with-o having this wanna-be there, wee difficult child will not be able to go there? I know it will not be fun, but you DO have every right to ask her to visit with wee difficult child at your home or somewhere else with-o wanna-be there.

But PUSH for that restraining order. She is going to make your child WAAAYYY more unstable. and if she does marry DEX she may do the tug of war with wee difficult child for the rope.

I don't think you can afford to be nice about this. Not with the way things are already at school. Esp since she is already somewhat successful at making wee think that his dad used to do/buy cool things.

You might also point out in the restraining order that she is not to post any images of your child anywhere online as this is not only an invasion of privacy but a safety risk. It is one thing for a PARENT to post pics, another for someone else.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Shari, I agree with the others, please nip this invasion in the bud before things get any worse. Our family has had its own share of strangers moving in on us and our values. These people have done terminal damage to our difficult children.

You have every right to try to protect your child. I'm afraid there are too many people out there who have NO BOUNDARIES!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

 

[2daughters]

Shari, I'm sorry you're going through this. The girlfriend sounds unstable, and who knows what else she'll try to do to your wee difficult child. As the others have said, definitely get a restraining order on her. You might need to talk to your oldest difficult child's wife to get the message that she left there. Another thing you might be able to do is get restrictions put in a restraining order, something to the effect of her not being allowed/able to go to your exMIL while your wee difficult child is there.

Good luck. I hope you're able to nip this now before it gets a lot worse.

 

[KTMom91]

Wow. It really is getting so much weirder. I agree, look into sole custody and a restraining order. She's a total nut case. Many hugs to you.

 

[AnnieO]

Shari, go to the local court and get a restraining order just like all these others have said. (The sooner the better!!!)

Please look at the wording, most "civil protective orders" have a clause about the person having to stay 500 feet away (or more) from the person on whose behalf the order was filed.

If they argue about giving you an ex parte order, cry. Let them know you are afraid for your child. Whatever it takes. Because it's clear that she's gone way beyond simple caring for her boyfriend's kid.

If you can get there this morning they will get her served this afternoon. They move fast when kids are involved.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, dear, that is creepy.

I'm not sure if confronting this woman would make it better or worse. A hard call.
Plus, a restraining order of 500 ft wouldn't help with-online photos. Your atty would have to research that.

Do whatever you have to do to stabilize your son's life.

That is so sad about the Down's Syndrome kid with-o glasses. People are so mean.

 

[amazeofgrace]

I am flaming mad on your behalf, I am dealing with a similar situation, X's girlfriend (he met her in rehab) has my son's listed o her myspace as 2 of X and her's kids, Of course court papers say she can't be near them, neither can X until he gets a psychiatric evaluation and then it will be supervised, I am sure at some point the court may over turn this, but then again, he is still drinking, driving with an illegal license after losing his here in NJ for 10 years and his girlfriend was arrested for assaulting her own daughter not too long ago, so I definatley have grounds for my requests!

stinks we have to deal with this stuff!

 

[Marguerite]

My eldest sister's son went through this with his father - his dad's new wife was telling everyone about her new grandson (my nephew's new baby). It was her husband's grandson but son & father were estranged. My nephew went to his father and stepmother and said to him, "She is NOT my mother, she is NOT my son's grandmother. She is simply your second wife. She is not to refer to my son as her grandson, because she is not going to be in his life."

It's sad, really. It doesn't always have to be like this, if the family are all sane, sensible and make genuine attempts to get on like adults. But where family are at odds - then the rule of thumb should be, "what is best for the children?"

As adults, we should put our own interests last, and the children first. Whenever there is conflict or doubt about who has what right to which part of the childrens' lives, we need to come back to this guideline - what is in the best interests of the children? Anyone else's needs/wants are not relevant, not if it means the childrens' welfare (emotional, physical etc) risks being compromised.

Marg