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ADHD 27 Year Old Daughter - Narcissistic?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725478" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I know a LOT of people with ADHD. My mother had inattentive ADHD (means she cannot focus but isn't hyper, more inclined to daydream about the 200 ideas a minute that float through her head). She was untreated until AFTER she retired.What job did my mother have before she retired? She was a university professor with a Ph.D. She managed to get 3 college degrees while dealing with untreated ADHD. She didn't go back to school for the Master's and Ph.D. until my brother and I were in elementary school. </p><p></p><p>If my mother can do this with adhd, your daughter can manage her life without her mother's help. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter is making CHOICES and expecting you to deal with the consequences. This is rather like hitting her thumb with a hammer and expecting your thumb to hurt. It doesn't really make sense, does it? You gave her way more than most parents EVER give their children. She has shown you what she thinks of all you have given her. She couldn't be bothered to take care of any of it, or to follow the basic rules for the job that supported her. Then she walked away from the job and sold the house. She didn't buy another house with the money, she frittered it away. </p><p></p><p>What did she do with all of the money? Have you EVER gotten a straight answer that made sense and was provable? I am going to ask a hard question. It is okay if you don't want to answer it on the forum. It just seems like something that you really NEED to think long and hard about.</p><p></p><p>Is your daughter using drugs? Her behavior sounds very much like someone who is using drugs. Of course there is every chance that I am wrong and she is not addicted to drugs or alcohol. It is important that you think about this.</p><p></p><p>If she has an addiction, that is a whole other set of things to deal with, but much of the advice is still the same. She may not be using something, I truly don't know. I just think that you need to do some investigating to figure it out one way or the other. Then you can figure out more of what needs to happen and in what order. Whether she is using or not, it would probably be best not to give her cash or to give her any access to your financial information. Sadly, our difficult children are not always trustworthy.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has shown you that she has no respect for the things you have given her. She didn't want the job you gave her or the house you gave her. Why would you give her anything more after the way she has treated you? ADHD or any other mental illness is no excuse for the way she acts. </p><p></p><p>No matter what she says, she is choosing to take advantage of your love and generosity. Now is the time to be her parent and make her grow up. It won't be fun and she won't like you or say anything nice to you or about you. Know that we are ALWAYS here for support!!!! You will need to let her feel the natural and logical consequences of her actions.</p><p></p><p>Detaching is hard and it isn't done overnight for most people. It is totally fine to take whatever steps are right for YOU. We each give you ideas and suggestions, but we don't know your complete situation. Know that we do not expect you to take every suggestion or any suggestion. No one here will ever be upset that you didn't take our advice and use it right now. (((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725478, member: 1233"] I know a LOT of people with ADHD. My mother had inattentive ADHD (means she cannot focus but isn't hyper, more inclined to daydream about the 200 ideas a minute that float through her head). She was untreated until AFTER she retired.What job did my mother have before she retired? She was a university professor with a Ph.D. She managed to get 3 college degrees while dealing with untreated ADHD. She didn't go back to school for the Master's and Ph.D. until my brother and I were in elementary school. If my mother can do this with adhd, your daughter can manage her life without her mother's help. Your daughter is making CHOICES and expecting you to deal with the consequences. This is rather like hitting her thumb with a hammer and expecting your thumb to hurt. It doesn't really make sense, does it? You gave her way more than most parents EVER give their children. She has shown you what she thinks of all you have given her. She couldn't be bothered to take care of any of it, or to follow the basic rules for the job that supported her. Then she walked away from the job and sold the house. She didn't buy another house with the money, she frittered it away. What did she do with all of the money? Have you EVER gotten a straight answer that made sense and was provable? I am going to ask a hard question. It is okay if you don't want to answer it on the forum. It just seems like something that you really NEED to think long and hard about. Is your daughter using drugs? Her behavior sounds very much like someone who is using drugs. Of course there is every chance that I am wrong and she is not addicted to drugs or alcohol. It is important that you think about this. If she has an addiction, that is a whole other set of things to deal with, but much of the advice is still the same. She may not be using something, I truly don't know. I just think that you need to do some investigating to figure it out one way or the other. Then you can figure out more of what needs to happen and in what order. Whether she is using or not, it would probably be best not to give her cash or to give her any access to your financial information. Sadly, our difficult children are not always trustworthy. Your daughter has shown you that she has no respect for the things you have given her. She didn't want the job you gave her or the house you gave her. Why would you give her anything more after the way she has treated you? ADHD or any other mental illness is no excuse for the way she acts. No matter what she says, she is choosing to take advantage of your love and generosity. Now is the time to be her parent and make her grow up. It won't be fun and she won't like you or say anything nice to you or about you. Know that we are ALWAYS here for support!!!! You will need to let her feel the natural and logical consequences of her actions. Detaching is hard and it isn't done overnight for most people. It is totally fine to take whatever steps are right for YOU. We each give you ideas and suggestions, but we don't know your complete situation. Know that we do not expect you to take every suggestion or any suggestion. No one here will ever be upset that you didn't take our advice and use it right now. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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