Adjusting the throttle......

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Sep 22, 2012.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    There are days........when I look at the prescription bottle of Welbutrin in my hand and I think...........I wonder if I could take an extra one now...........NOW? HOw about now??? Laughing kind of that under your breath, womanly, nearly Snively Whiplash snicker. Then you know the drill; you exhale, chuckle, replace the bottle back on the shelf, quietly turn around, roll your eyes without anyone seeing you and then turn around and present "THE FAKE YES DEAR SMILE" that tells the man in your life - OF COURSE YOU CAN DO THAT, and............that...........and that..........and watch me...........I'm going into Chineese plate spinning acrobat (OOMG WILL YOU FRIGGING LEAVE ME A MINUTE TO BREATHE?) mode - and OFFFFFFFFFFFF COURSE (said like DOnkey on Shrek) I can do that "HONEY"..........

    WHere is it written girls??? Where is it written that when I go to hide, In my inner sanctum, my sanctuary - at my desk in my computer room, that there MUST.BE.NUMEROUS, BOTHERSOME trips to the door--but he thinks if he stands out in the hallway and doesn't come IN the room that he can ask for things he's safe - yet his every whim will be granted? And now the even MORE annoying play of the morning is to bother me when I am DRESSING. LORD HELP HIM TO SURVIVE.

    In THIRTEEN years..........my solace, my peace, my space - has never ever been that bathroom..........nope. I gave up that pipe dream long ago. I would no sooner hover my kiester over the porcelain throne and ultiimately the words HONEY or MOOOOOOOOOOOOM would be uttered. So I just gave that up. ANd >..........AND If I didn't hear them.........there would be a sublte knock, or a note. YES a note........thrown under the door in the shape of a paper airplane with the force of a boeing. Sometimes they were pretty inventive and as I sat on the loo I actually allowed myself to day dream that some day my jail bird son could become an aeronnautic engineer - his designs were really that remarkable and gained air sometimes skidding across the floor, loop de loop over the tub and crash landing into the bath mat. Took the boredome out of it all.........but still I maintain - I never got free time.

    So imagine my horror when they were all gone in one way or another. Not the way I planned, and I was stuck somewhere between anger and pity. I had exhaused all - ALL of my readjustments on my dreams. They were supposed to be veterinarians, or bull riders, or businessmen.......not two burried one in jail and one ...........BARKING AT ME from the hallway while I'm trying to cover a slightly gained weight body with a louvred closet door yelling - GO AWAY DAO(#($*%it.........while he says at 10 in the morning ---------CAN YOU GET A SIDE GRINDER AND TAKE DOWN THESE BAD BOYS??????? Then we both just stand there while I cover sagging body parts with a 2" belt and a skirt.........with my kiester backed up into the closet KNOWING he can see my backside in the full length mirror actually thinking Well he is going blind - ...........UGH.

    Then I have to TELL HIM...........GO GO I'm going going to cut your toenails NOW...........GAWD how romantic on a Saturday Morning...........

    ANd all the while thinking - well I guess I can burn all those Victoria Secrets things............OR maybe Donate them to Badwill.........and about the time I'm ready to pull myself out of the closet.,...here he comes again........with a letter from the insurance and HE SAYS.........AND I AM NOT KIDDING..........

    They cancelled our insurance.........
    me..........OH crud - I forgot when our card got stolen to let them know I got a new card.........didn't you call them? I asked you to.
    him........NO no I didn't. Isn't that on auto pay? (me - YES but if the card they had was cancelled.........it wouldn't be good that's why I asked you to call them)
    me........you didn't call them?
    him..........no.. It wasn't my card.
    me.........(blink blink)

    OMG I can't be out of money i still have check.........s.ssssssssssssssss. sseriously? its not your card? Is your car on that insurance policy? and now coming full circle I"m back at the medicine cabinet staring at the bottle of welbutrin.........oh with a pair of clippers in my hand because GOOD GOLLY we are going to cut those claws.........now now now........lord knows it takes short toe nails to watch another episode of Matt Dillon. (slaps head)

    ...........they're coming to take me away hhaaa haa hoo hooo heee hee hoo hoo to the funny farm..........(snort ) from the D.A. Ranch to the Funny Farm..........I wonder if they serve those little hotdogs with the croissant wraps.

    YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY..........:fantasysmiley:
     
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    ps someone told me to dance when you're in a bad mood ----------
    so me and Pootie are in the office............

    I put on Marvin gay..........and we did a slow dance to warm up the muscles

    Then we changed over to INXS............WHAT YOU NEED ,............and w'ere just being silly silly 80's............

    and now' we're MOSHING to ALICE in Chains and OZZY.......(down in a hole and CRAZY train) ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahah...........I highly recommend crazy train............

    WE FEEL M UCH BETTER............
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    LOL

    Fred kept his claws. I refused, flat out refused, to cut them. I had very few limits with him, that happened to be a big one. Oddly, I didn't have an issue doing it for mother in law. lol

    Have you tried endlessly bugging him to death when he's in his man cave, then when he throws a fit telling him you're just doing him the way he does you? What am I thinking?? He's a MAN, he won't get it. lol

    (((hugs)))
     
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Glad you feel better - keep dancing!
     
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Truer words have never been spoken.
    Lol:p
     
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Starbie, you're colorful descriptions of situations that would normally make me cry do nothing but make me laugh. I know it wasn't funny to you but the way you tell it, you should sell the rights to the drama to Comedy Central. Hope your day goes soooooo much better than the morning has so far. Love ya'!!!
     
  7. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Star...I swear they are related.
     
  9. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Hugs Star to try and help you get through this day.
     
  10. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Many hugs to you Star, I hope your day got better.
     
  11. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    I've often thought (and said) that my beloved, wonderful husband is truly my 4th (or 1st...) child. He is EVERY BIT as high maintenance as my toddler. Most of the time, moreso.

    I've also often thought (and said) that trying to simultaneously parent a teenager and a toddler (with one total sweetheart easy child smack in the middle) is a recipe for commitment to the looney bin.

    Star, you make me laugh. With all you've been through, your sense of humor is a RIOT.
     
  12. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    You've made me so grateful that husband is on swing shift and I am not!! At least I get five nights a week to myself! (how do you think I get those blankies make?)

    Yet, the four-legged babies will not let me into the bathroom alone. That is the "mommy has nothing to do but pet me while she sits there" room. And all three of them want to be petted at the same time.
     
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