Star*
call 911........call 911
There are days........when I look at the prescription bottle of Welbutrin in my hand and I think...........I wonder if I could take an extra one now...........NOW? HOw about now??? Laughing kind of that under your breath, womanly, nearly Snively Whiplash snicker. Then you know the drill; you exhale, chuckle, replace the bottle back on the shelf, quietly turn around, roll your eyes without anyone seeing you and then turn around and present "THE FAKE YES DEAR SMILE" that tells the man in your life - OF COURSE YOU CAN DO THAT, and............that...........and that..........and watch me...........I'm going into Chineese plate spinning acrobat (OOMG WILL YOU FRIGGING LEAVE ME A MINUTE TO BREATHE?) mode - and OFFFFFFFFFFFF COURSE (said like DOnkey on Shrek) I can do that "HONEY"..........
WHere is it written girls??? Where is it written that when I go to hide, In my inner sanctum, my sanctuary - at my desk in my computer room, that there MUST.BE.NUMEROUS, BOTHERSOME trips to the door--but he thinks if he stands out in the hallway and doesn't come IN the room that he can ask for things he's safe - yet his every whim will be granted? And now the even MORE annoying play of the morning is to bother me when I am DRESSING. LORD HELP HIM TO SURVIVE.
In THIRTEEN years..........my solace, my peace, my space - has never ever been that bathroom..........nope. I gave up that pipe dream long ago. I would no sooner hover my kiester over the porcelain throne and ultiimately the words HONEY or MOOOOOOOOOOOOM would be uttered. So I just gave that up. ANd >..........AND If I didn't hear them.........there would be a sublte knock, or a note. YES a note........thrown under the door in the shape of a paper airplane with the force of a boeing. Sometimes they were pretty inventive and as I sat on the loo I actually allowed myself to day dream that some day my jail bird son could become an aeronnautic engineer - his designs were really that remarkable and gained air sometimes skidding across the floor, loop de loop over the tub and crash landing into the bath mat. Took the boredome out of it all.........but still I maintain - I never got free time.
So imagine my horror when they were all gone in one way or another. Not the way I planned, and I was stuck somewhere between anger and pity. I had exhaused all - ALL of my readjustments on my dreams. They were supposed to be veterinarians, or bull riders, or businessmen.......not two burried one in jail and one ...........BARKING AT ME from the hallway while I'm trying to cover a slightly gained weight body with a louvred closet door yelling - GO AWAY DAO(#($*%it.........while he says at 10 in the morning ---------CAN YOU GET A SIDE GRINDER AND TAKE DOWN THESE BAD BOYS??????? Then we both just stand there while I cover sagging body parts with a 2" belt and a skirt.........with my kiester backed up into the closet KNOWING he can see my backside in the full length mirror actually thinking Well he is going blind - ...........UGH.
Then I have to TELL HIM...........GO GO I'm going going to cut your toenails NOW...........GAWD how romantic on a Saturday Morning...........
ANd all the while thinking - well I guess I can burn all those Victoria Secrets things............OR maybe Donate them to Badwill.........and about the time I'm ready to pull myself out of the closet.,...here he comes again........with a letter from the insurance and HE SAYS.........AND I AM NOT KIDDING..........
They cancelled our insurance.........
me..........OH crud - I forgot when our card got stolen to let them know I got a new card.........didn't you call them? I asked you to.
him........NO no I didn't. Isn't that on auto pay? (me - YES but if the card they had was cancelled.........it wouldn't be good that's why I asked you to call them)
me........you didn't call them?
him..........no.. It wasn't my card.
me.........(blink blink)
OMG I can't be out of money i still have check.........s.ssssssssssssssss. sseriously? its not your card? Is your car on that insurance policy? and now coming full circle I"m back at the medicine cabinet staring at the bottle of welbutrin.........oh with a pair of clippers in my hand because GOOD GOLLY we are going to cut those claws.........now now now........lord knows it takes short toe nails to watch another episode of Matt Dillon. (slaps head)
...........they're coming to take me away hhaaa haa hoo hooo heee hee hoo hoo to the funny farm..........(snort ) from the D.A. Ranch to the Funny Farm..........I wonder if they serve those little hotdogs with the croissant wraps.
YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY..........
WHere is it written girls??? Where is it written that when I go to hide, In my inner sanctum, my sanctuary - at my desk in my computer room, that there MUST.BE.NUMEROUS, BOTHERSOME trips to the door--but he thinks if he stands out in the hallway and doesn't come IN the room that he can ask for things he's safe - yet his every whim will be granted? And now the even MORE annoying play of the morning is to bother me when I am DRESSING. LORD HELP HIM TO SURVIVE.
In THIRTEEN years..........my solace, my peace, my space - has never ever been that bathroom..........nope. I gave up that pipe dream long ago. I would no sooner hover my kiester over the porcelain throne and ultiimately the words HONEY or MOOOOOOOOOOOOM would be uttered. So I just gave that up. ANd >..........AND If I didn't hear them.........there would be a sublte knock, or a note. YES a note........thrown under the door in the shape of a paper airplane with the force of a boeing. Sometimes they were pretty inventive and as I sat on the loo I actually allowed myself to day dream that some day my jail bird son could become an aeronnautic engineer - his designs were really that remarkable and gained air sometimes skidding across the floor, loop de loop over the tub and crash landing into the bath mat. Took the boredome out of it all.........but still I maintain - I never got free time.
So imagine my horror when they were all gone in one way or another. Not the way I planned, and I was stuck somewhere between anger and pity. I had exhaused all - ALL of my readjustments on my dreams. They were supposed to be veterinarians, or bull riders, or businessmen.......not two burried one in jail and one ...........BARKING AT ME from the hallway while I'm trying to cover a slightly gained weight body with a louvred closet door yelling - GO AWAY DAO(#($*%it.........while he says at 10 in the morning ---------CAN YOU GET A SIDE GRINDER AND TAKE DOWN THESE BAD BOYS??????? Then we both just stand there while I cover sagging body parts with a 2" belt and a skirt.........with my kiester backed up into the closet KNOWING he can see my backside in the full length mirror actually thinking Well he is going blind - ...........UGH.
Then I have to TELL HIM...........GO GO I'm going going to cut your toenails NOW...........GAWD how romantic on a Saturday Morning...........
ANd all the while thinking - well I guess I can burn all those Victoria Secrets things............OR maybe Donate them to Badwill.........and about the time I'm ready to pull myself out of the closet.,...here he comes again........with a letter from the insurance and HE SAYS.........AND I AM NOT KIDDING..........
They cancelled our insurance.........
me..........OH crud - I forgot when our card got stolen to let them know I got a new card.........didn't you call them? I asked you to.
him........NO no I didn't. Isn't that on auto pay? (me - YES but if the card they had was cancelled.........it wouldn't be good that's why I asked you to call them)
me........you didn't call them?
him..........no.. It wasn't my card.
me.........(blink blink)
OMG I can't be out of money i still have check.........s.ssssssssssssssss. sseriously? its not your card? Is your car on that insurance policy? and now coming full circle I"m back at the medicine cabinet staring at the bottle of welbutrin.........oh with a pair of clippers in my hand because GOOD GOLLY we are going to cut those claws.........now now now........lord knows it takes short toe nails to watch another episode of Matt Dillon. (slaps head)
...........they're coming to take me away hhaaa haa hoo hooo heee hee hoo hoo to the funny farm..........(snort ) from the D.A. Ranch to the Funny Farm..........I wonder if they serve those little hotdogs with the croissant wraps.
YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY..........
