Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Adopted a teenager - bad outcome
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="no1understands" data-source="post: 541860" data-attributes="member: 14926"><p>[h=2]Per advice - reposting on this forum.</p><p></p><p> We completed a blind (means we didn't know the child) adoption of a 14-year-old (yikes) from a foreign country about 4 1/2 years ago. Though we had her in pretty intense counseling, she increasingly became more and more disrespectful towards us.</p><p> After her behavior became untolerable, she was enrolled in an out-of-hospital program and placed in an adoption respite program. But she continued on a road of self-distruction. For instance, during a family vacation, she bought some pot and mixed it with depression medications. It was horrible - I thought she was dying (and we had lost a child already - not from anything she did to herself). At the hospital she maniupulated the people to tell them she didn't want to see us - she was 16 at the time!</p><p> She has ran away four times - the last about a year ago (at the age of 17 1/2). She is not living with us now.</p><p> She lived with a family and their son, whom she was dating. Of course she got pregnant (which is what she had been trying to do with anyone) and lost the baby. She once told some guy who is in the Army that she was four months pregnant - she wasn't. (guess it's the drama she got from it).S</p><p> She was going to high school and doing well when she was with the old boyfriend's family, but stopped near the end - so has no diploma.</p><p> Her boyfriend kicked her out after learning that she was having sex with other guys (which we had warned his family about). Now, at 18, she is living with with some other guy, whom we don't know.</p><p> She lies about everything, won't get a job, can't keep friends (unless they are male), is remarkably promiscuous, calls for help or to tell us something like - "I'm cutting myself again." </p><p> She won't tell us where she is living.a</p><p> When she calls, she NEVER asks about anyone in the family. She argues with us about anything and everything. She is the victim - nothing is her fault. She has alienated everyone and thrives on drama.</p><p> We have managed to keep our marriage together - but it has been a challenge. Better though, I'm sorry to say, since she is out of the house.</p><p> For the 10 months she was living with her first boyfriend, she never called - except when needing something. The people wouldn't believe us that she still needed to see a counselor regularly and get help. Instead, they did nothing.</p><p> We have been told by a counselor and a psychiatrist who saw her that we must not help her because that is enabling her. No money, etc - and we are okay with that, though it is very hard - we get it. </p><p> We have, however, given her a list of places to look for help. Of course, she won't take the intitive. </p><p> Her last message to us about a week ago was - "I hope you burn in hell for turning away an adopted child." </p><p>Ahhh! </p><p>Is the counselors, etc. advice good - and how in the world do you keep doing that without feeling so guilty?[/h]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="no1understands, post: 541860, member: 14926"] [h=2]Per advice - reposting on this forum. We completed a blind (means we didn't know the child) adoption of a 14-year-old (yikes) from a foreign country about 4 1/2 years ago. Though we had her in pretty intense counseling, she increasingly became more and more disrespectful towards us. After her behavior became untolerable, she was enrolled in an out-of-hospital program and placed in an adoption respite program. But she continued on a road of self-distruction. For instance, during a family vacation, she bought some pot and mixed it with depression medications. It was horrible - I thought she was dying (and we had lost a child already - not from anything she did to herself). At the hospital she maniupulated the people to tell them she didn't want to see us - she was 16 at the time! She has ran away four times - the last about a year ago (at the age of 17 1/2). She is not living with us now. She lived with a family and their son, whom she was dating. Of course she got pregnant (which is what she had been trying to do with anyone) and lost the baby. She once told some guy who is in the Army that she was four months pregnant - she wasn't. (guess it's the drama she got from it).S She was going to high school and doing well when she was with the old boyfriend's family, but stopped near the end - so has no diploma. Her boyfriend kicked her out after learning that she was having sex with other guys (which we had warned his family about). Now, at 18, she is living with with some other guy, whom we don't know. She lies about everything, won't get a job, can't keep friends (unless they are male), is remarkably promiscuous, calls for help or to tell us something like - "I'm cutting myself again." She won't tell us where she is living.a When she calls, she NEVER asks about anyone in the family. She argues with us about anything and everything. She is the victim - nothing is her fault. She has alienated everyone and thrives on drama. We have managed to keep our marriage together - but it has been a challenge. Better though, I'm sorry to say, since she is out of the house. For the 10 months she was living with her first boyfriend, she never called - except when needing something. The people wouldn't believe us that she still needed to see a counselor regularly and get help. Instead, they did nothing. We have been told by a counselor and a psychiatrist who saw her that we must not help her because that is enabling her. No money, etc - and we are okay with that, though it is very hard - we get it. We have, however, given her a list of places to look for help. Of course, she won't take the intitive. Her last message to us about a week ago was - "I hope you burn in hell for turning away an adopted child." Ahhh! Is the counselors, etc. advice good - and how in the world do you keep doing that without feeling so guilty?[/h] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Adopted a teenager - bad outcome
Top