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Adopted a teenager - bad outcome
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<blockquote data-quote="Methuselah" data-source="post: 541912" data-attributes="member: 12725"><p>I understand, no1understands. My oldest daughter is very much like your daughter. Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know what you are going through. You have worked and worked to try to give your daughter a good life, and she has fought you the whole way. My daughter is out of our house when she turns 18, which is in 190 days. I don't feel badly at all. I don't worry about her; I worry about the innocent victims in her future.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter deliberately says "I hope you burn in Hell for turning away your adopted daughter", because she <em>knows</em> it will hit your heart hard with guilt. It is her way of trying to manipulate you through guilt. I use to fall for it all the time. When my daughter says similar things like that, I make sure I tell her exactly how it is HER behavior that is causing our reaction or consequence: "we are turning away a person who deliberately treats our family in abusive ways. We don't allow anyone, whether they are a stranger on the street or our own daughter treat us the way you do. Our question is: how can a daughter intentionally treat her parents/family as despicably as you do? Without any guilt or remorse?" When you say this, expect another blame or guilt tactic to manipulate you. We usually get " how very Christian of you." I tell her the bible supports removing your self from abusive forces, which you are. Look it up."</p><p></p><p>Understand, your daughter is <em>deliberately</em> saying these things, because she knows your guilt is her best tool to get you to do what she wants. You have proven that to her time and time again. You need to do what is best for your family and not for your daughter. I know that decision is hard, because you think if you try a little harder, maybe she'll get it. If she is like my daughters, she won't. You won't help her, but you will end up hurting your marriage and your family.</p><p></p><p>Character Disturbances by George Simon has been a comforting source for me. I highly suggest you read it. His book is, along with this site, a go-to site of advice and guidance.</p><p></p><p>And remember, I do understand. And I am sorry for both of us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Methuselah, post: 541912, member: 12725"] I understand, no1understands. My oldest daughter is very much like your daughter. Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know what you are going through. You have worked and worked to try to give your daughter a good life, and she has fought you the whole way. My daughter is out of our house when she turns 18, which is in 190 days. I don't feel badly at all. I don't worry about her; I worry about the innocent victims in her future. Your daughter deliberately says "I hope you burn in Hell for turning away your adopted daughter", because she [I]knows[/I] it will hit your heart hard with guilt. It is her way of trying to manipulate you through guilt. I use to fall for it all the time. When my daughter says similar things like that, I make sure I tell her exactly how it is HER behavior that is causing our reaction or consequence: "we are turning away a person who deliberately treats our family in abusive ways. We don't allow anyone, whether they are a stranger on the street or our own daughter treat us the way you do. Our question is: how can a daughter intentionally treat her parents/family as despicably as you do? Without any guilt or remorse?" When you say this, expect another blame or guilt tactic to manipulate you. We usually get " how very Christian of you." I tell her the bible supports removing your self from abusive forces, which you are. Look it up." Understand, your daughter is [I]deliberately[/I] saying these things, because she knows your guilt is her best tool to get you to do what she wants. You have proven that to her time and time again. You need to do what is best for your family and not for your daughter. I know that decision is hard, because you think if you try a little harder, maybe she'll get it. If she is like my daughters, she won't. You won't help her, but you will end up hurting your marriage and your family. Character Disturbances by George Simon has been a comforting source for me. I highly suggest you read it. His book is, along with this site, a go-to site of advice and guidance. And remember, I do understand. And I am sorry for both of us. [/QUOTE]
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Adopted a teenager - bad outcome
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