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Adult child stealing
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<blockquote data-quote="in a daze" data-source="post: 581665" data-attributes="member: 15832"><p>I also struggle about if I should tell certain people about my difficult child. These are friends who I have not seen in a long time and whose contact is limited to a phone call once or twice a year and a Christmas card. I feel funny hiding the truth, but then again feel it's a violation of his privacy. I don't know how to handle it when they ask about him. </p><p></p><p>I believe that much of a wayward child's behavior is driven by their genetic makeup, and no much can be done about that. My nephew was a major difficult child, and is now doing well. He has a beautiful girlfriend who is a college graduate and a steady job in a union trade. At one point during his late childhood and adolescence, he was banned from our house because of his abusive behavior towards my future difficult child/son, his cousin. In and out of jail and the psychiatric ward. I kind of remember being judgemental and blaming my brother, who didn't spend a lot of quality time with the kids, leaving it to his wife. Their marriage was kind of rocky during this time. It was when they stopped bailing him out of jail, paying his fines and feeding him that he gradually stopped his difficult child behaviors and turned it around. </p><p></p><p>I have no such illusions about my son. Never in a million years would I have thought that my nephew would turn out better than my son. It has made me humble and less judgmental. I believe we have all done the best we could under trying and very difficult circunstances. As many of the parents of the board can attest, the results of detaching and not enabling bad behavior do not always result in the desired outcome. However, the alternative is worse. Continuing to enable our wayward sons and daughters can and will result in emotional, physical and financial ruin of the enabling parents, while the difficult child's behavior stays the same or gets even worse with time. In order to have any chance of saving them, we must detach, withdraw support, and let them be who they want to be if they choose not to respect our boundaries or live up to our standards.</p><p></p><p>You have a dilemma on your hands, Jane. Assuming your son is not self supporting, you may still have to be in contact with him in order to buy his medications and pay for his medical care. This makes detaching a balancing act. If my son refuses to go to after care, I plan to do just that, and no more. </p><p></p><p>Pat</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="in a daze, post: 581665, member: 15832"] I also struggle about if I should tell certain people about my difficult child. These are friends who I have not seen in a long time and whose contact is limited to a phone call once or twice a year and a Christmas card. I feel funny hiding the truth, but then again feel it's a violation of his privacy. I don't know how to handle it when they ask about him. I believe that much of a wayward child's behavior is driven by their genetic makeup, and no much can be done about that. My nephew was a major difficult child, and is now doing well. He has a beautiful girlfriend who is a college graduate and a steady job in a union trade. At one point during his late childhood and adolescence, he was banned from our house because of his abusive behavior towards my future difficult child/son, his cousin. In and out of jail and the psychiatric ward. I kind of remember being judgemental and blaming my brother, who didn't spend a lot of quality time with the kids, leaving it to his wife. Their marriage was kind of rocky during this time. It was when they stopped bailing him out of jail, paying his fines and feeding him that he gradually stopped his difficult child behaviors and turned it around. I have no such illusions about my son. Never in a million years would I have thought that my nephew would turn out better than my son. It has made me humble and less judgmental. I believe we have all done the best we could under trying and very difficult circunstances. As many of the parents of the board can attest, the results of detaching and not enabling bad behavior do not always result in the desired outcome. However, the alternative is worse. Continuing to enable our wayward sons and daughters can and will result in emotional, physical and financial ruin of the enabling parents, while the difficult child's behavior stays the same or gets even worse with time. In order to have any chance of saving them, we must detach, withdraw support, and let them be who they want to be if they choose not to respect our boundaries or live up to our standards. You have a dilemma on your hands, Jane. Assuming your son is not self supporting, you may still have to be in contact with him in order to buy his medications and pay for his medical care. This makes detaching a balancing act. If my son refuses to go to after care, I plan to do just that, and no more. Pat [/QUOTE]
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