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Adult Child Who Steals...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 620510" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. My daughter has a basketball game in a sec, but I'll try to answer fast and others will come along. by the way, I'm so sorry you had to come here, but you'll find us kind and caring, I think.</p><p></p><p>First off, I am not convinced that your daughter does not take drugs. Do you know for sure that she doesn't? That is a BIG reason why people steal. If she doesn't, then she has issues and needs help desperately, but she is obviously not willing to do what she needs to do to right herself. Does she work? Do you pay any of her bills? I would change all your passwords on any accounts you have and cut off any money you give her. Stealing is not ok at her age. She will end up in prison one day if she does not decide to quit, but you can't make her quit and nothing you do will change her. She has to change herself. Your daughter and you can only change one person...yourselves.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is an adult. It is typical of our difficult children to make up reasons they break the law and to blame their childhoods. Don't buy into it. It doesn't matter why your daughter steals. She shoudln't do it and she needs to stop or things will only go downhill for her. The judge doesn't care what happened to her when she was ten years old. And most people have not had 100% stellar upbringings and most of us don't steal. Don't let her guilt you.</p><p></p><p>Most of us have had to let our grown kids go out on their own and many decided to become homeless. They could live with us by following simple, reasonable rules, but refuse to do so. In that case, they choose to be homeless, but most are resourceful couch surfers and do not end up on the streets. Some actually prefer the streets where there are no rules. It is up to THEM to decide they want to change their situation. We can not do it for them. And there is nothing you can do to help her anymore. Legally she is on her own. Often they have to hit rock bottom to change, if in fact they ever decide to. They won't change at home, in comfort, not facing harsh reality.</p><p></p><p>You deserve a happy life, even though your daughter is a thief. Accept who and w hat she is (Google up Radical Accceptance) and read the detachment article on the top of the page in this forum. You can not be happy if you are obsessed with what your daughter does and it is pointless to dwell on her because you can not change her behavior one wit. I would not ever allow her to live at home if I were you. If necessary, I'd change the locks. Does your daughter also lie, use men, act promiscuous? I'm trying to find out if she sounds like she has a personality disorder. Many of our grown difficult children have antisocial traits or borderline, and these adults are very hard to have relaqtionships with. Sometimes we figure out how to do it without enabling them. Sometimes they are so mean that we take long breaks or somebody cuts it off.</p><p></p><p>You need to be kind to yourself and do nice things for you and spend time with those people who treat you well and do not use or abuse you. You have a right to a happy life, even though your daughter is behaving like a criminal. She is not you and you are not her. You are two seperate people and you don't have to be miserable just b ecause she did not turn out the way you wanted her to. None of us envisioned being on a forum like this nor did we look at our newborn babaies and think they would turn out like they did. But it happened and we have no choice but to either live our lives happily in spite of it or kill ourselves (healthwise) over something we can't control.</p><p></p><p>Others will come along. I have to go now. Hoping you have a peaceful, serene night!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 620510, member: 1550"] Hi. My daughter has a basketball game in a sec, but I'll try to answer fast and others will come along. by the way, I'm so sorry you had to come here, but you'll find us kind and caring, I think. First off, I am not convinced that your daughter does not take drugs. Do you know for sure that she doesn't? That is a BIG reason why people steal. If she doesn't, then she has issues and needs help desperately, but she is obviously not willing to do what she needs to do to right herself. Does she work? Do you pay any of her bills? I would change all your passwords on any accounts you have and cut off any money you give her. Stealing is not ok at her age. She will end up in prison one day if she does not decide to quit, but you can't make her quit and nothing you do will change her. She has to change herself. Your daughter and you can only change one person...yourselves. Your daughter is an adult. It is typical of our difficult children to make up reasons they break the law and to blame their childhoods. Don't buy into it. It doesn't matter why your daughter steals. She shoudln't do it and she needs to stop or things will only go downhill for her. The judge doesn't care what happened to her when she was ten years old. And most people have not had 100% stellar upbringings and most of us don't steal. Don't let her guilt you. Most of us have had to let our grown kids go out on their own and many decided to become homeless. They could live with us by following simple, reasonable rules, but refuse to do so. In that case, they choose to be homeless, but most are resourceful couch surfers and do not end up on the streets. Some actually prefer the streets where there are no rules. It is up to THEM to decide they want to change their situation. We can not do it for them. And there is nothing you can do to help her anymore. Legally she is on her own. Often they have to hit rock bottom to change, if in fact they ever decide to. They won't change at home, in comfort, not facing harsh reality. You deserve a happy life, even though your daughter is a thief. Accept who and w hat she is (Google up Radical Accceptance) and read the detachment article on the top of the page in this forum. You can not be happy if you are obsessed with what your daughter does and it is pointless to dwell on her because you can not change her behavior one wit. I would not ever allow her to live at home if I were you. If necessary, I'd change the locks. Does your daughter also lie, use men, act promiscuous? I'm trying to find out if she sounds like she has a personality disorder. Many of our grown difficult children have antisocial traits or borderline, and these adults are very hard to have relaqtionships with. Sometimes we figure out how to do it without enabling them. Sometimes they are so mean that we take long breaks or somebody cuts it off. You need to be kind to yourself and do nice things for you and spend time with those people who treat you well and do not use or abuse you. You have a right to a happy life, even though your daughter is behaving like a criminal. She is not you and you are not her. You are two seperate people and you don't have to be miserable just b ecause she did not turn out the way you wanted her to. None of us envisioned being on a forum like this nor did we look at our newborn babaies and think they would turn out like they did. But it happened and we have no choice but to either live our lives happily in spite of it or kill ourselves (healthwise) over something we can't control. Others will come along. I have to go now. Hoping you have a peaceful, serene night! [/QUOTE]
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