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Adult daughter....abusive ?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 481244" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am horrible when preg and for months afterward. i work super HARD to not be, but the reality is that I had 3 tough pregnancies and 3 tough births, then 2 were difficult kids (the boys). thank you was never a difficult child, but he has major sensory issues and it wasn't easy.</p><p></p><p>So while preg I did make life hard for myself and those who loved me. They had the patience and wisdom to know I would recover after the birth when the hormones stabilized, and to take me with a pound of salt. I did JOKE that any problem wehn I was preg was husband's fault. Weather, bad day, bad hair day, all husband's fault. After all, I couldn't get preg, according to multiple docs.</p><p></p><p>husband and I BOTH knew this was NOT true, and that it was a joke, and that making the joke was my way to remind myself that i was being too gritchy/mean and to ease up. My mother thought i was awful when I would say that - she had multiple "talks" about it, and even more freak-outs about it. Thankfully she lived in a different state for 2 of the pregnancies. We might not have been speaking during the births if we had lived close. </p><p></p><p>SO it could very well be the hormones. I was totally at the mercy of mine. So many times I would be super upset, acting very idiotically, and I would KNOW IT and WANT to not act like that, but I couldn't seem to stop it. It was super upsetting to me, because I have worked hard for years to not be that kind of person. Thankfully it did go away, usually about the time my 3rd post-baby period was over. It was just magically GONE. </p><p></p><p>So humoring her for now mght be a good idea.</p><p></p><p>I wll say that if she feels her child is threatened, then she does have a right to make rules to keep her safe. My mother was really upset that I wouldn't let Wiz use a public men's room alone at age 7. I took him into the women's room iwth me. We lived in an urban area and at least 1 time a week there was a report of a child under 10 being assaulted in a men's room. Her town is smaller, far safer, and it wouldn't be as big a deal there. But we lived in an area where it was NOT safe. </p><p></p><p>She flat out told me that she would not "pander" to my fears, that he was going to use the men's room alone when she took him places. So I didn't let her take him places for a week.. She was FURIOUS. She also learned that she didn't get to make the safety rules. Not when it was my kids. I respected her wishes when possible, but nothing and no one puts my child in danger. I also handed her a stack of SIX reports of sexual assault/attempted kidnapping that had happened in the last 30 days within 15 miles of our home.</p><p></p><p>She got super quiet when I started reading the reports aloud to her. She turned pale because two were at places she intended to take Wiz - on days she intended to be there that I had refused to allow her to take him. It scared her, and I was glad it did. She didn't have a clue what was going on in our area and living in a city has different rules than living in a small town. It just is different. </p><p></p><p>even though you are very close to each other, in terms of distance, her reaction makes me wonder if someone she had thought was okay was found to have hurt someone, maybe even to have hurt a child.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is feeling very protective now, part of pregnancy, and I owuld be patient with her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 481244, member: 1233"] I am horrible when preg and for months afterward. i work super HARD to not be, but the reality is that I had 3 tough pregnancies and 3 tough births, then 2 were difficult kids (the boys). thank you was never a difficult child, but he has major sensory issues and it wasn't easy. So while preg I did make life hard for myself and those who loved me. They had the patience and wisdom to know I would recover after the birth when the hormones stabilized, and to take me with a pound of salt. I did JOKE that any problem wehn I was preg was husband's fault. Weather, bad day, bad hair day, all husband's fault. After all, I couldn't get preg, according to multiple docs. husband and I BOTH knew this was NOT true, and that it was a joke, and that making the joke was my way to remind myself that i was being too gritchy/mean and to ease up. My mother thought i was awful when I would say that - she had multiple "talks" about it, and even more freak-outs about it. Thankfully she lived in a different state for 2 of the pregnancies. We might not have been speaking during the births if we had lived close. SO it could very well be the hormones. I was totally at the mercy of mine. So many times I would be super upset, acting very idiotically, and I would KNOW IT and WANT to not act like that, but I couldn't seem to stop it. It was super upsetting to me, because I have worked hard for years to not be that kind of person. Thankfully it did go away, usually about the time my 3rd post-baby period was over. It was just magically GONE. So humoring her for now mght be a good idea. I wll say that if she feels her child is threatened, then she does have a right to make rules to keep her safe. My mother was really upset that I wouldn't let Wiz use a public men's room alone at age 7. I took him into the women's room iwth me. We lived in an urban area and at least 1 time a week there was a report of a child under 10 being assaulted in a men's room. Her town is smaller, far safer, and it wouldn't be as big a deal there. But we lived in an area where it was NOT safe. She flat out told me that she would not "pander" to my fears, that he was going to use the men's room alone when she took him places. So I didn't let her take him places for a week.. She was FURIOUS. She also learned that she didn't get to make the safety rules. Not when it was my kids. I respected her wishes when possible, but nothing and no one puts my child in danger. I also handed her a stack of SIX reports of sexual assault/attempted kidnapping that had happened in the last 30 days within 15 miles of our home. She got super quiet when I started reading the reports aloud to her. She turned pale because two were at places she intended to take Wiz - on days she intended to be there that I had refused to allow her to take him. It scared her, and I was glad it did. She didn't have a clue what was going on in our area and living in a city has different rules than living in a small town. It just is different. even though you are very close to each other, in terms of distance, her reaction makes me wonder if someone she had thought was okay was found to have hurt someone, maybe even to have hurt a child. Your daughter is feeling very protective now, part of pregnancy, and I owuld be patient with her. [/QUOTE]
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