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Adult Daughter Gone Crazy Over A Man
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 649787" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Welcome, Laos. I can definitely relate to your post – my Youngest dated a string of abusive men (boys, really, since it started when she was a teenager) and had two kids by two of them. It’s a very helpless feeling to watch your daughter make such poor choices, especially when there are children involved. Women that choose abusive men seem to do so from a place of extremely low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness – they reach out to men that give them attention, even negative attention. Abusers target those kinds of women and it becomes a vicious cycle. Because of that, I think showing them support and love is really important – and letting them know that they deserve better. I found that the more I tried to convince y daughter to leave the men, the more I pushed her towards them – so all I could do was to tell her I loved her, wanted what was best for her, and believed she was worth more than how she was being treated. It took a long, long time to get through all that though. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Have you tried sitting her down in a moment of calm and attempting to talk to her about your concerns? Would she be willing to talk to a domestic abuse hotline or go to therapy? Maybe if you volunteered to go with her to talk to someone, it would help.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I do think it’s important to put down rules while she’s living there. Taking care of her own child (instead of relying on you to do it) should be #1. When my daughter and her kids lived with me, she knew that I would NOT babysit them during the week unless something important (i.e., a class or a job interview) came up. I rarely babysat on the weekends, either, unless I had a free night and actually wanted to .. my own plans came first. She was responsible for putting them to bed and getting them up in the morning. </p><p></p><p></p><p>All that’s easier said than done, I realize. But just something to think about. Maybe think about putting a call into a domestic abuse hotline yourself, to see if they have some other advice about the situation. If you suspect there is an addiction issue, think about going to an Al-Anon meeting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 649787, member: 1157"] Welcome, Laos. I can definitely relate to your post – my Youngest dated a string of abusive men (boys, really, since it started when she was a teenager) and had two kids by two of them. It’s a very helpless feeling to watch your daughter make such poor choices, especially when there are children involved. Women that choose abusive men seem to do so from a place of extremely low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness – they reach out to men that give them attention, even negative attention. Abusers target those kinds of women and it becomes a vicious cycle. Because of that, I think showing them support and love is really important – and letting them know that they deserve better. I found that the more I tried to convince y daughter to leave the men, the more I pushed her towards them – so all I could do was to tell her I loved her, wanted what was best for her, and believed she was worth more than how she was being treated. It took a long, long time to get through all that though. Have you tried sitting her down in a moment of calm and attempting to talk to her about your concerns? Would she be willing to talk to a domestic abuse hotline or go to therapy? Maybe if you volunteered to go with her to talk to someone, it would help. I do think it’s important to put down rules while she’s living there. Taking care of her own child (instead of relying on you to do it) should be #1. When my daughter and her kids lived with me, she knew that I would NOT babysit them during the week unless something important (i.e., a class or a job interview) came up. I rarely babysat on the weekends, either, unless I had a free night and actually wanted to .. my own plans came first. She was responsible for putting them to bed and getting them up in the morning. All that’s easier said than done, I realize. But just something to think about. Maybe think about putting a call into a domestic abuse hotline yourself, to see if they have some other advice about the situation. If you suspect there is an addiction issue, think about going to an Al-Anon meeting. [/QUOTE]
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