Adult daughter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by scoot, Jul 8, 2013.

  1. scoot

    scoot New Member

    My daughter,has been struggling all her life.When she had an argue meant with-her brother,she threatened him saying she was going to call the cops on him,she accused me of not doing anything,she wants me to send him to a home.She is highly jealous of him,When she was around 15 she started to runaway,to be with the guy who is now her husband.She became a chronic runaway,not going to school,so told me to file a fins petition,and send her to a group home,so that's what I did.Thought,that would help,but it didn't,she came home,did what she wanted,dropped out of school when she was 18,and moved out.The day she fought with-my son,she told me this,saying I'm playing favorites with-my son because,I'm not sending him to a home.I feel like a failure.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, listen, it's NOT your fault and you are NOT a failure.

    You have two children who are hard to raise and one who has obvious disabilities. Your daughter may have some problems too. Both could be differently wired and I believe you said you are a single mom. If so, you had to do all the parenting of two very difficult kids yourself. I doubt anyone else could have done much more. Some kids are just harder to raise because of temperament and/or perhaps inherited mental illness/drug use (which also isn't your f ault if that's a factor).

    Your daughter doesn't understand that it's not that easy to just put her brother in a home. WHAT home? How much does it cost? It is kind of a stretch to say you need to send your son to a home not to show favortism. It doesn't make any sense either.

    You desperately need somebody to talk to so that you can build up your own self esteem. There has to be a county mental health clinic around. My advice is to make an appointment for yourself so that you can start working on what makes YOU happy. You already raised your daughter. Now her choices are in her hands. You need to learn how to not take her criticism to heart, which isn't easy to do, but you can learn how to do it. Also, a counselor may know how you can get help/support/relief with your son.

    Don't be so hard on yourself. None of us expected to end up on this board yet here we are! Keep posting and give us an update. Make sure you find that counselor to talk to! (((HUgs)))
     
  3. scoot

    scoot New Member

    Only drugs in picture,is my sons father does both....still to this day.My daughters husband does,and is very abusive.He is currently in jail.I had to file a Fins potion,which placed my daughter in a group home for about 2 months,that what she wants me to do with-my son.So by not doing so,she says he is the favorite,he gets away with everything,I am doing nothing about it.
    I called the counselor, she took him off her list but recommended,another doctor who specializes in cognitive a behaviors,but she said there won't be an opening for testing until September.Meanwhile,I have nothing to go on for school in August.No one from the Special Education ,replied to me.Hopefully,the developmental center,will get back to me by Wens.,if not I will call them.As for me I know I need to talk,but here they want to just medicate you.I need to work,that's theriputic for me,even walking does me good.I always thought I was alone in this,glad I am not.
     
  4. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Welcome, Scoot.

    Walking is good. Reading is a great thing, when you cannot get in to see someone for yourself. At the bottoms of my posts are two links. One of them (McCoy) discusses how to talk to our adult children successfully. The other has to do with detachment.

    Wishing you well, Scoot. You have been through so much with your children.

    Posting helps, and I hope you will post often.

    Barbara
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Call the Dept. of Education back until you get a person in Special Needs. Don't wait. Keep trying!
     
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Scoot!! How old is your daughter now? Sounds like she has her own problems to worry about with her husband being in jail. She does not need to be involved in the parenting of your son.
     
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Not being snoopy here, just rounding out the picture if we can...
    Does your son and your daughter have the same father?
    Either way... whatever problems her dad has (same or different) may be a part of HER picture... i.e. if he has MI or other dxes, she may as well.
     
  8. scoot

    scoot New Member

    No her dad died ,different fathers.
     
Loading...