Adult difficult children & Guns?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mrsammler, Apr 22, 2012.

  1. mrsammler

    mrsammler Guest

    A quick question: has anyone had an experience with an adult difficult child acquiring a gun? I've seen almost no reference to this in the CD forum, so I'm hoping it is a great rarity. The reason I ask is the serious concern in my family that my nephew difficult child, who's been carrying a knife (a sequence of them, actually) for years and clearly feels empowered by it, is approaching 21 and will be able to legally buy a gun, which would wildly increase the degree of hazard that he represents to his immediate family members and to his community in general. Is there a way to prevent this? What experience have others had with this issue? I almost wish he had a felony on his record, as that would bar his ability to purchase a gun. It has been a real concern, on the part of his immediate and extended family, that he might ultimately do great harm to someone (even his closest family members) one of these days in one of his fits of rage. The possibility of gun ownership notably ups the ante wrt risks of this kind.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    in my opinion it's a moot point. difficult children know all sorts of ppl and if they want a gun, I doubt they'd go through the hassle of acquiring one legally.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Yeah, I bet too that the clever difficult child kiddos would probably not go thru legal means to get one anyway...sad to say. Those that have good impulse control and are stable emotionally are probably the ones getting permits etc. I hope he never gets one, and if he doesn't hurt someone, he likely will be hurt by it himself. (someone will steal it or shoot him....). I hope not.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If he had wanted to get a gun he could have gotten a shotgun or even a long rifle already. You only have to be 18. Has he ever been put in a mental hospital by court order or been arrested and convicted for domestic violence? Those are the other two biggies that will get you knocked off the list. Oh, and also if he answers yes to "do you abuse any illegal drugs or legal prescription drugs?" Now I have yet met the fool who answers that question with a yes but Im sure there is one out there. I also think there is a question on the form about do you want to overthrow the government. I suppose if you answer that in the positive they wouldnt give him a gun.

    Now both my younger two kids have had guns since they were old enough to shoot. It has never been an issue.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    When my bro was 16, my mom was going to be nice and wash some clothes for him. She bent to get some socks from under his bed and found 2 rifles there. Now we all have had gun safety classes and have used guns, but my father always keeps them safely locked up and under a bed owned by his 16yo was NOT anyone's idea of safety. Bro has always had some degree of paranoia (tried to make me carry a solid lead pipe in the car when I began to drive -for my safety even though I couldn't lift it - and many other paranoid thoughts. He wanted to 'protect' himself with the guns. One was big enough to actually shoot moose or elephants with - that big a caliber shell required!

    My parents found that a friend who was 18 bought them for bro and they were FURIOUS and of course took them away. We were not so much afraid he would shoot one of us, but in your situation it seems like a rational fear.

    There is no way to keep him from getting a gun. Unless you are so crazy you are foaming at the mouth, there is no real background check that is done. the only thng that stops a gun purchase is a felony record because you have a tough time seeing mental illness in a person. Most people can keep it together for the ten or fifteen min to do the paperwork for the background check. Plus it is incredibly easy to buy guns illegally.

    Is there any way to get restraining orders against him for the family? I would get one if I were you, esp after all the time you spent making him behave lke some semblance of a reasonable human being and not abuse his mother. I owuld also insist it was strictly enforced. You cannot protect his mother if she chooses to have him live with her. If there is a younger sibling livng at his mom's and the sib is under 18, I would get CPS involved. Yes, it won't be popular, but it will be for her/his own good because living in a home with drugs is not safe for ANY child regardless of age. Ditto living with a violent person which I seem to remember he is.

    Honestly, it is surprising to me that he doesn't already have a gun - around here the dealers mostly do. But this IS OK and guns are super common as is hunting.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Acquiring a gun is not the least bit difficult, regardless of background. At least in my experience. Scary thought, but true. If a person can't get one legally, it's just not that hard to pick one up illegally.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I can understand the fear, but I also don't understand the fear - AFTER education. (let me explain)

    In life as with anything else - there are choices. Your nephew even if he were a convicted felon - would have a choice to own, possess, have, borrow - hold a weapon that was his, or a friends. Being a felon in possession of a firearm carries a sentence of a heftier nature. Even if the gun isn't a real gun.

    Dude is supposedly a convicted felon. Although depending on whom you get to run his background check? It doesn't come up on record. (Interesting). We have weapons, we shoot ours, and we enjoy having them. We're not idiots who have them laying around, we're very much into gun safety and education. When we sell -IF we sell - you have to prove to us that you have taken courses and know how to handle a lethal weapon. I'm not arming the next generation of idiots with their mistake, or reading about it on the news. If you don't like my rules go by your weapon elsewhere.

    Your nephew is interested in knives. Has he ever taken a knife throwing class? Does he know how to properly sharpen a knife? Can he throw a knife? Use a knife in self defense? Can he prove any of this to you? If not then why does he carry one? My Father taught me an extremely valuable lesson when I was 15 years old. I bought myself a 10" Bowie knife. It was COOL! I put in on my belt loop and it went everywhere I did. Dad asked me the same questions I just asked you, then came up behind me, snatched my knife off of me, held it to my throat, and said - "YOU are not ready to carry a knife, and THIS is exactly why." Then threw it in the ground and walked away. His logic was sound. I was trying to look cool, and could have been killed, I had no skills, I couldn't even sharpen it. (my other great myth - I use it on stuff - like cutting hotdog skewers at camp) - fine - sharpen it - it will get dull - I had no clue. My Father wasn't a bad person - but I did learn how to handle myself after that. Either that or it stayed in the drawer. If I wanted a GUN - it would have been the same thing -
    Can I clean it? Can I take care of it? Do I know how to handle it? What happens if someone tries to take it away from me? What ifs' get people killed. If your nephew went to safety classes and you both went to the range and he got respect for the weapon and saw what it could do? MAYBE the stigma wouldn't be there to want to possess something that can be fun, but in the wrong hands can be lethal. MY DF has been shooting since he was three - and about 9 months after we started dating - shot himself through his upper thigh. His gun misfired, went thorugh his leg, the couch, the floor, and into the ground under the house. Every weapon in our house has locks on them, every one has a case, all the ammunition is in a fire proof safe - There has to be precautions. And after living with a felon - you ask even MORE questions.

    It could be something you and he enjoy - I believe you were a career Army man. This could be something he enjoys learning from you - or together with you. I don't believe you can stop him. He can go to Walmart and have a background check done I think for $20.00. Or any pawn shop. Maybe a little guidance in this case would go a long way to keeping tabs.

    I wish you well.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Star...poor DF! When Cory went to wilderness camp at age 11 they were required to bring pocket knives as part of their gear. I thought they were nuts but they werent. They learned all sorts of skills. Tony carried a pocket knife the entire time he was growing up and even took it to school with him. Everyone did back then. No one used it in fights. It was a country boy thing. They also had shotguns in their pick up trucks. Nowadays every one of those kids would be expelled for expecting them to be the next school shooters when all they were were county boys. Now those shotgun racks hold fishing poles.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    NO - NO NOT POOR DF - if you heard him hanging out the car window leaving the hospital as we drove THROUGH THE GHETTO get home at 3:00 AM - all high on morphine - singing "GIMME BACK MY BULLLLLLLLETT." and me trying to shift and pull his big Swede butt back into the car? Then what he told the officer investigating the shooting at my house at 3:45 AM ?? ( can't even type that here) when we got back to the house. Suffice to say the bullet did NOT richocet off ANYTHING - and that's all I'm saying about that. Apparently Morphine gives my even keel man a mouth like a sailor. Last time he went in the hospital for surgery? We apologized IN ADVANCE. ahem.