"Adult" difficult children Living in a Shed in the Backyard ?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, May 4, 2012.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    My daughter is a difficult child - so the kids she is friendly with at school are also largely difficult children....and they share some similar issues.

    Recently, she has told me about some of these friends "moving out" into a shed in their parents' back yard.

    I never heard of such a thing - but I guess it's a growing trend:


    difficult child is hoping we will do the same for her...
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    OMW! My jaw dropped when I saw the title of the article. FH wanted to do that with mother in law, Only he didn't want to get her one of those little house type things. He literally wanted to put her in our shed. It's the one by the pool and it has a toilet and sink, and we used to joke that we were "fancy" because we had a "pool house" In his mind that became reality when in fact, it's ONLY a shed.

    Anyway, years ago I had a friend whose bedroom was a shed out back. Don't know how or why they got to this arrangement. I only found out because he dies and his mother gave us a tour. He was a easy child/difficult child (I only add the difficult child because he died by wrapping his car around a tree after funneling a case of beer at the beach, but other than that was an awesome responsible straight A kind of kid) who went away to college and was only back for the summer, so this could have bee their new arrangement.

    ANYWAY, moving into a shed in your parent's back yard is not considered moving out unless you pay rent and utilities, and I just get the feeling these kids are 'forgetting' about that last part.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Onyxx used to ask if we could run power to the playhouse in our back yard...

    I knew someone who lived in someone else's garage, once. I was unimpressed...
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh yeah...

    The "sheds" for her friends are the "redneck version", regular storage sheds with a little remodeling - not the $60,000 model advertised in the article.

    I was just surprised to hear that a number of families seem to be doing this for their difficult children.

    No - I don't think it counts as "moving out" either. And who the heck wants to live in the shed???
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a difficult child? As long as they can have their cake and eat it to, I think they'll live almost anywhere.
  6. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I do I do I will live in a shed - set up my little mom cave out there - camera's to watch the inmates

    UGH $$$ wonder if I got enough wire to get internet/cable out in my van for now?
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Son #2 lived in our garage for nearly a year...and we currently have a friend of Hubby's out there.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh no way! Then again???? (everyone says there is no place for Q...maybe??? LOL)
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lots of people have campers in the backyards and then kids move into them if they cant find jobs after college. I can see making one of those 20x20 wooden sheds into a mighty nice small apartment easily. Thats probably more space than most apartments in Manhattan! Just have to run water and electric and you are set.
  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hmmm... I wonder if our lot is big enough to build one for developmentally disabled sis-in-law......
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TM....do a google search for those Katrina Cottages or Tiny Homes. Some are even on wheels.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    One of my friends moved out of her parent's home on her 18th birthday. Her home was a small 1 car garage that someone converted into an apartment. One room, small bathroom, tiny kitchen alcove. It wasn't bad until she started dating an older guy who kept her supplied with vodka. But it was what she could afford.

    As for the shed in the backyard, kids want this so their parents can't see what they are doing. One cousin 'got' to move into a very old/run down moble home behind his mom's house when he was 15. She kept marrying guys he hated and she let him do this to get some privacy. It was a total perv palace. she got him a big tv, king size waterbed, nice stereo, he painted the walls black, covered the ceiling and windows with foil, had a TON of drugs and booze there that she had little clue of. I went into it one time. Was grossed out.

    The only reason a difficult child wants this is to have adult freedoms and no adult responsibilities.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Lol! Sorry, it just strikes me that way. Granny in the shed? She'd be in your kitchen every minute, no matter what. Clearly, that design was created by a builder, not a psychologist.

    I wanted to live out in our detached garage for a while. That way, difficult child and husband wouldn't get on my nerves all the time ... and we'd still have family dinners, etc. I thought, if it worked for Gaia Dali, it could work for me! Except that she specified that she wanted a castle, so he built her one.

    I totally agree with-SusieStar: The only reason a difficult child wants this is to have adult freedoms and no adult responsibilities.

  14. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh absolutely!

    I'm just suprised to hear that parents are goind along with this.

    A month or so ago - difficult child came home extremely jealous because her 19 year old difficult child friend just moved into the family's shed. I thought it was a little weird - #1 that the family let their adult kid move into the shed and - #2 that difficult child was jealous....but what do I know?

    Now - another difficult child who just turned 18 is going to be moving into a backyard shed over the summer. Of course, difficult child thinks that is the COOLEST.

    I just find the whole situation a bit weird...
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    OK. We live in a climate where "shed" doesn't work... at -40, you need more than a space heater!
    But... Granny Flats and Garage Suites are growing.
    Real purposes are:
    - increase housing density
    - provide for aging parents or disabled siblings - where they still have their own space, but can be watched over and cared for (obviously not what THESE kids have in mind)
    - provide for rental income to enable parents to stay in their own home longer.

    None of these really qualifies for the situations being described... why would you want an adult difficult child remaining on your property without some reasonable controls??? YIKES!
  16. keista

    keista New Member

    Gotta remember that lots of these difficult child friends have difficult child parents - that's why they go along with it. Although many of us here have difficult child traits or have been difficult children in the past, we are NOT difficult child parents - we're positive and proactive in our parenting. To us, this concept is unthinkable.
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    The GFGparents clearly haven't thought of the liabilities... Still their property, Know what I mean??
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good point, Keista.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I think it would depend on what type of difficult child you are talking about. We have all types here. I can absolutely see someone like Buddy if she could find land to buy with a small house for her and then she could put something like a Katrina Cottage out back for Q. It would give them both their own space but she could still watch over him while he was an adult. Or even MWM could do something like that with Sonic. He would not have to live with her forever. It would give him his own place without venturing too far away. Especially if you get something like a 2 acre lot, the cottage would be a bit away from the house.

    Im not saying you have a party hut in the backyard but I can see how having a small place might be a good thing. This economy isnt the greatest.
  20. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    that's why I want one for myself LOL but between the mom cave, plumbing, wiring, etc. financially there is just no way. But if I don't find a way to get my own space I'm gonna totally lose my mind.

    Example: Saturday got 15yo's psychiatric evaluation, set it on my bed went into kitchen to get coffee, came back with-coffee it's gone! Ask everyone - no one has seen it. Spend weekend looking for it because needed it to discuss today at psychiatrist appointment. Not until I disconnect cable connection to the house and announce no one watches tv or goes on-line until I have that paperwork! ... paper show up in the middle of the table ... oh look someone has taken a red pen and corrected all the spelling errors... next to family history they have written "LIES ALL LIES"

    Luckily psychiatrist smiled and said he understood her sisters opinion of "older sister has Asperger's Syndrome and conduct disorder and bipolar disorder and psychosis and is extremely oppositional/ aggresive"

    I was thinking wow doctor all that from "her sister has bipolar & asperger's" - d#@! he's good! LOL
    Wish Angel could see him instead of the county psychiatrist.
    UGH I need to get my own place!
    anyone needs free storage for a small camping trailer? - they can keep it here if I can use it when they aren't
    I promise I'll go outside to smoke and won't use the bathroom. I'll even clean & prep it for them.

    Oh look carnival's in town - "help wanted to travel"... should I send Angel or pack a bag for myself?