Adult kids .. Kicking out

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Pamtollefson, Dec 14, 2014.

  1. Pamtollefson

    Pamtollefson New Member

    I have a son and daughter, 32 and 22. Both have been on drugs and sometimes better and sometimes worse. My daughter now is on a binge and heading down a dark hole very quickly. She has a probation officer but I just don't know the name yet. My son is not as bad right now but still living the lifestyle. Our life is chaotic because of the use and not working. The police told me I need to kick them out by going to court and getting an unlawful detainer. Has anyone else done this?
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Pam send welcome. I'm sorry you are going thru this. If your user name is your real name I suggest that you change it to remove your last name for privacy.

    Yes several of us have had to ask our adult children to leave. I kicked my then 19 year old out in the middle of winter. I did not have to go to court, just called the police and they told her to leave and she did, after a fit of course. It was a very difficult thing to do but it did lead to her getting help in the end.

    You do not have to live with drug addicts in your home. They need help and sometimes the only way to get it is to stop helping them. Have either of them gone through treatment? You can give them a choice...treatment or leave.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Pam and welcome. Yes, my husband and I have kicked out our daughter several times. The last time was after my husband found her overdosed on heroin on our couch. Luckily he found her in time and was able to save her.

    After that we hired an interventionist and told difficult child that she had to go into treatment or go live somewhere else. She knew the law about evictions in our state and refused to leave. The interventionist took us to the family court and had us apply for a temporary protection order which would make difficult child leave immediately. The judge granted it on the basis of her bringing dangerous drugs (heroin) into our house.

    Because she had no other choice, she then agreed to go to another state for a three month treatment program. She has been in that state for the last two years.

    I wish I could tell you there is a happy ending but our difficult child still struggles with her demons of addiction. However, she is in a halfway house and currently working. The best news is that she is no longer in our home creating chaos and stealing from us.

    Check the laws of your state about evicting someone that has established residency in your home. In many states like mine, you have to go through the eviction process in order to make them leave whether they are paying you rent or not.

    There is no reason for you to be living with adult drug addicts.. . .particularly the 32 year old.

  4. Pamtollefson

    Pamtollefson New Member

    Thanks for the info.. They both have been in treatment and my daughter, the 22 year old, has been in treatment several times.. I am going to end up finding out about evicting.. I don't want to!! I just want them to work and not do drug (as every parent wants). I am glad I found this site!
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi Pam,

    We also kicked out son out when he was 18. It was hard and awful but he was out of control and I had a younger daughter to consider. I have to say it is amazing when you realize that once again your home is your sanctuary and you enjoy being home. Your kids are adults and you deserve to have peace in your own home.

    I cant say that it was an easy road after we did that. It has been a long tough crazy roller coaster but at least in my own home I felt some peace and enjoyed being there. My son is now 23 and after many various treatments he is living on his own with his girlfriend in another state. He is doing better than he has been and I think this girlfriend is a stabalizing influence. I know he is drinking and most likely smoking weed.... but I no longer ask questions about it or comment about it because it does not directly affect me any more. I dont approve but I know he has to figure things out for himself. And slowly he seems to be maybe doing that. Time will tell.

    I will say that we are having better conversations over the phone than we have had... our relationship seems to be improving and that means a lot... but again time will tell.

    It is very very hard when you have to kick a kid out of the house but I know without a doubt that our lives would be much much worse if we had not done this. My daughter is doing great, is in college and doing very well. I have the feeling if we had not done what we did that she would have developed some issues just continuing to live in the chaos that our home was when my sone was here. And honestly I think my son would probably be worse off (or dead) if we had let him live here using drugs with no consequences.