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Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 602015" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You are not being a jerk. You are trying not to enable his crippling behavior so that maybe things will get bad enough that he will turn around. Picking him off t he floor or giving him money (which he very well might spend on drugs rather than the intended reason) wont help him. If he is debt by $20K, rather than dig into your retirement, let him go bankrupt. If he is about to lose his house, he is hardly alone. Many people have forclosed. Our drug using kids are resourceful and tend to find places to sleep.</p><p></p><p>And, to be honest, they care less about where they sleep than if they get their drugs of choice. Sounds like both are addicted. They are not going to be able to function until they quit. If they quit. I'd make it a condition of coming home that he go into a rehab and then follow up.Any drug use and he's out again. At his age, I wouldn't give him a dime. Although you say mom is a softie, you are also softhearted, which is normal. We love our kids. We don't want to think of what may happen if we don't help them. But the fact is, even if we do help them, the same things will happen unless they QUIT. </p><p></p><p>I highly recommend both you and your wife go to Nar-Anon, which will teach you that you can not control ANYONE other than yourself, not even a beloved child. It also teaches you how to go on and live a great life even while your loved one is self-destructing. Don't let him take you down with him. Reconnect with your wife. If she won't let you and refuses to make a life for herself, then do it with your friends and other family members. There is absolutely nothing you can do by worrying and feeling guilty. If you do go to Nar-Anon, they will not make you speak. You can listenl to wise parents and spouses of drug addicts who have been where you're at, are still there, and many who have much wisdom to pass along.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. But you can still a nd should still have a life beyond his problems. Hold out a hand in case he wants to truly quit, but don't get overly entangled in his problems. You are right that he is an adult and you have to let him be one. You can not control how your wife deals with your son, but you can take your own path and find peace and happiness again. In spite of your son.</p><p></p><p>There is NOTHING you, your wife or even God can do to help your son unless he wants help. HE has to help himself. Not one person in the world can do it for him. Don't be fooled into thinking it is any other way. He walks this path alone. He controls himself. You don't.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 602015, member: 1550"] You are not being a jerk. You are trying not to enable his crippling behavior so that maybe things will get bad enough that he will turn around. Picking him off t he floor or giving him money (which he very well might spend on drugs rather than the intended reason) wont help him. If he is debt by $20K, rather than dig into your retirement, let him go bankrupt. If he is about to lose his house, he is hardly alone. Many people have forclosed. Our drug using kids are resourceful and tend to find places to sleep. And, to be honest, they care less about where they sleep than if they get their drugs of choice. Sounds like both are addicted. They are not going to be able to function until they quit. If they quit. I'd make it a condition of coming home that he go into a rehab and then follow up.Any drug use and he's out again. At his age, I wouldn't give him a dime. Although you say mom is a softie, you are also softhearted, which is normal. We love our kids. We don't want to think of what may happen if we don't help them. But the fact is, even if we do help them, the same things will happen unless they QUIT. I highly recommend both you and your wife go to Nar-Anon, which will teach you that you can not control ANYONE other than yourself, not even a beloved child. It also teaches you how to go on and live a great life even while your loved one is self-destructing. Don't let him take you down with him. Reconnect with your wife. If she won't let you and refuses to make a life for herself, then do it with your friends and other family members. There is absolutely nothing you can do by worrying and feeling guilty. If you do go to Nar-Anon, they will not make you speak. You can listenl to wise parents and spouses of drug addicts who have been where you're at, are still there, and many who have much wisdom to pass along. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. But you can still a nd should still have a life beyond his problems. Hold out a hand in case he wants to truly quit, but don't get overly entangled in his problems. You are right that he is an adult and you have to let him be one. You can not control how your wife deals with your son, but you can take your own path and find peace and happiness again. In spite of your son. There is NOTHING you, your wife or even God can do to help your son unless he wants help. HE has to help himself. Not one person in the world can do it for him. Don't be fooled into thinking it is any other way. He walks this path alone. He controls himself. You don't. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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