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Parent Emeritus
Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 602033" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. I am so sorry you and your wife have been dealing with this for so long, it is a terrible landscape to live on. You've gotten good advice and support, you are not being a jerk, you are being a parent, a parent who loves his son and wants to do what is the best for him. The best thing for your son is for you and your wife to find a way to be okay, happy even, in spite of what your son is doing. And, usually, we need help to do that. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post on detachment, and share it with your wife. My recommendation is to seek support, seek help, therapy, al anon, family groups, whatever feels right to you, but find a someone or a group to help guide you through this treacherous path.</p><p></p><p>I know how your wife feels and I also understand and know how you feel. You are both in the middle of this horrific story your son has written and truthfully, both of you are powerless to change it. To keep your peace and quiet intact is your right and what you deserve. I have had to make these same tough choices, I know how it feels to detach from your adult child. But, you must do it for your sake, your wife's sake and ultimately for your son's sake as well. Enabling is hurtful to everybody, including your son. You rob him of the possible choice he needs to make to straighten out his life. And, if he doesn't straighten out his life, it is<strong> NOT your fault,</strong> nor is there anything you can do about it. It is his life to throw away. Unfortunately he is not aware or chooses not to look at the bodies left in his wake. </p><p></p><p>The best advice I can give you is to seek help. Find a way to live your own lives without your sons drama and chaos infiltrating your lives. I know that is a tall order, but it is a necessary choice. I hope you return and keep posting. It helps. I wish you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 602033, member: 13542"] Welcome. I am so sorry you and your wife have been dealing with this for so long, it is a terrible landscape to live on. You've gotten good advice and support, you are not being a jerk, you are being a parent, a parent who loves his son and wants to do what is the best for him. The best thing for your son is for you and your wife to find a way to be okay, happy even, in spite of what your son is doing. And, usually, we need help to do that. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post on detachment, and share it with your wife. My recommendation is to seek support, seek help, therapy, al anon, family groups, whatever feels right to you, but find a someone or a group to help guide you through this treacherous path. I know how your wife feels and I also understand and know how you feel. You are both in the middle of this horrific story your son has written and truthfully, both of you are powerless to change it. To keep your peace and quiet intact is your right and what you deserve. I have had to make these same tough choices, I know how it feels to detach from your adult child. But, you must do it for your sake, your wife's sake and ultimately for your son's sake as well. Enabling is hurtful to everybody, including your son. You rob him of the possible choice he needs to make to straighten out his life. And, if he doesn't straighten out his life, it is[B] NOT your fault,[/B] nor is there anything you can do about it. It is his life to throw away. Unfortunately he is not aware or chooses not to look at the bodies left in his wake. The best advice I can give you is to seek help. Find a way to live your own lives without your sons drama and chaos infiltrating your lives. I know that is a tall order, but it is a necessary choice. I hope you return and keep posting. It helps. I wish you peace. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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