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Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 602586" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Each parent reaches that point when they understand that nothing they do will help their child in his or her own time. That is why so many of us lose our marriages. </p><p></p><p>You did the right thing for your marriage in making it possible for your son to go far away. You cannot change the way your wife feels about her son. What you can do is to understand her pain. Be supportive. Tell her you are sorry this is happening, to her and to you and to your son. Your situation (and mine, too) are tragedies. </p><p></p><p>We are losing everything we hoped for, everything that defined us or that meant anything to us. </p><p></p><p>It is all out of our control. </p><p></p><p>Where a man will acknowledge his anger and frustration, a woman whose child is in danger will internalize those feelings. She will become depressed.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, but the more firmly you tell her how things are going to be regarding your son, the less she will hear you. If, through compassion, you can enter her world, if you can understand where she is coming from, then the two of you will be united, again.</p><p></p><p>Years ago, when we were where you are now, my husband demanded only one thing of me: At 5:30 every day, I was to meet him in our own dining room. No phone, no television. We would have a Manhattan together. We played music that was old and happy, to create that special time in our minds. (Dean Martin :O)</p><p></p><p>It saved our marriage.</p><p></p><p>At the time, my husband was the last person I wanted anything to do with. I didn't care about the house or the life we'd created. Without successful children, everything turned to ashes in my mouth. There was truly no reason for me to stay there. husband was mad alot, yelled alot, was disgusted about the kids, and I resented it more than I can tell you. He became very pale to me, almost a caricature. It wasn't even that I hated him. I literally did not care. If he wasn't the father I wanted for my children...who was he, to me? There just wasn't anything there to hold us together. I had no interest in another man either, so I stayed with husband. For all I know, he felt the same way.</p><p></p><p>Losing a child is not easy on a marriage.</p><p></p><p>And though our children are living, we have lost, or are losing, the dream family that was at the core of our marriages.</p><p></p><p>Last month, we celebrated our 40th anniversary. Our marriage is not only a different thing than it was before our lives fell apart, it is a deeper, almost mystical thing. He has my back. He understands me. I know this because he shared his own grief, his own shame and desperation over the kids with me.</p><p></p><p>It isn't easy, but if you love your wife enough to carry her through this, you can save your marriage.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 602586, member: 1721"] Each parent reaches that point when they understand that nothing they do will help their child in his or her own time. That is why so many of us lose our marriages. You did the right thing for your marriage in making it possible for your son to go far away. You cannot change the way your wife feels about her son. What you can do is to understand her pain. Be supportive. Tell her you are sorry this is happening, to her and to you and to your son. Your situation (and mine, too) are tragedies. We are losing everything we hoped for, everything that defined us or that meant anything to us. It is all out of our control. Where a man will acknowledge his anger and frustration, a woman whose child is in danger will internalize those feelings. She will become depressed. I am sorry, but the more firmly you tell her how things are going to be regarding your son, the less she will hear you. If, through compassion, you can enter her world, if you can understand where she is coming from, then the two of you will be united, again. Years ago, when we were where you are now, my husband demanded only one thing of me: At 5:30 every day, I was to meet him in our own dining room. No phone, no television. We would have a Manhattan together. We played music that was old and happy, to create that special time in our minds. (Dean Martin :O) It saved our marriage. At the time, my husband was the last person I wanted anything to do with. I didn't care about the house or the life we'd created. Without successful children, everything turned to ashes in my mouth. There was truly no reason for me to stay there. husband was mad alot, yelled alot, was disgusted about the kids, and I resented it more than I can tell you. He became very pale to me, almost a caricature. It wasn't even that I hated him. I literally did not care. If he wasn't the father I wanted for my children...who was he, to me? There just wasn't anything there to hold us together. I had no interest in another man either, so I stayed with husband. For all I know, he felt the same way. Losing a child is not easy on a marriage. And though our children are living, we have lost, or are losing, the dream family that was at the core of our marriages. Last month, we celebrated our 40th anniversary. Our marriage is not only a different thing than it was before our lives fell apart, it is a deeper, almost mystical thing. He has my back. He understands me. I know this because he shared his own grief, his own shame and desperation over the kids with me. It isn't easy, but if you love your wife enough to carry her through this, you can save your marriage. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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