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Parent Emeritus
Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 603047" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I think DaisyFace has excellent points and I also understand how difficult it is to go through this with our kids. So much of it is our learning how to let go and there is A LOT of anger in that as we go through it. I am deeply sorry you are experiencing this with your son. I completely understand your anger about it and at least for me, I had to go through that anger because the anger blew out the cobwebs of my enabling and allowed me to see everything differently. Anger is a stage in the process of detachment..........it's a tough one too..........but it often kicks us into action that needs to be taken. It's unfortunate that your sons choices are driving a wedge between you and your wife, again, that is another unfortunate occurrence with our adult children and their bad choices. </p><p></p><p>For me much of the anger was that I was enabling my daughter and the resentment about that can be overwhelming.................stop giving him money, step back and ask yourself what is it you can give with love and give it. If you can't give with love mostly everything else is rescuing him with resentment. Don't give him anything you don't want to give and that anger will start to subside. I get how angry you are, I've felt that many times before................your sons life is his, let him suffer the consequences of his bad choices, don't step in to save him, otherwise he will not learn.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 603047, member: 13542"] I think DaisyFace has excellent points and I also understand how difficult it is to go through this with our kids. So much of it is our learning how to let go and there is A LOT of anger in that as we go through it. I am deeply sorry you are experiencing this with your son. I completely understand your anger about it and at least for me, I had to go through that anger because the anger blew out the cobwebs of my enabling and allowed me to see everything differently. Anger is a stage in the process of detachment..........it's a tough one too..........but it often kicks us into action that needs to be taken. It's unfortunate that your sons choices are driving a wedge between you and your wife, again, that is another unfortunate occurrence with our adult children and their bad choices. For me much of the anger was that I was enabling my daughter and the resentment about that can be overwhelming.................stop giving him money, step back and ask yourself what is it you can give with love and give it. If you can't give with love mostly everything else is rescuing him with resentment. Don't give him anything you don't want to give and that anger will start to subside. I get how angry you are, I've felt that many times before................your sons life is his, let him suffer the consequences of his bad choices, don't step in to save him, otherwise he will not learn. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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