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Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 603074" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I don't post on this forum usually but I too saw this title and came to read your post and felt I needed to respond.</p><p></p><p>I think you are absolutely thinking clearly about what you need, your wife needs and what your son needs. Which is for your son to stand on his own two feet, take whatever path he chooses. You've done everything you possibly can. Probably more than many would have. It's the right time at this age and stage of his life to truly "let go". </p><p></p><p>I separated from my life partner of nearly 10 years, just one month ago. Addiction issues. I'm talking a man who my world revolved around and who I wouldn't have replaced for all the tea in china. He was the love of my life. His addiction was under control. He'd been sober a LONG time. He went on a binge, I made him leave that first binge night and have now moved into a new apartment (last week) with my 14 year old daughter. He moved into, you guessed it, his mothers house. Well his mothers small 2 bedroom basement apartment. She has enabled him (and 2 of his other 3 siblings that also have addictions) to the point they always have a place to turn when they ruin everything good in their life. Is it a disease? Certainly. It is also a disease that has help out there for taking should a person want it. </p><p></p><p>He is a grown man now. He must face the consequences of his actions, as should your son. They need to step up in their own lives now and get help, or take the wrong path further until eventually, hopefully, they hit bottom and recognize how much they do need that help and seek it out. </p><p></p><p>I know with my now ex, his mothers enabling has permitted him (and his 2 addict siblings) to continue in his addiction by virtue of bailing him out with a place to stay. Restrictions, rules, conditions, well they don't exist for my ex. But even if they did, for example you and your wife setting rules and terms for your son to come to your home, well how does that help your son? Or my ex? Any adult addict? Plainly speaking, it does not help. In fact, it causes grave harm. There is a reason on all of those intervention shows on tv they always talk about the family's bottom lines. As in no money, no car, no contact, no housing, no NOTHING until the person seeks help and gets sober. And that is usually when addicts make their life long decision between sobriety or living in their addiction. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps you and your wife could spend a day having a Intervention marathon, watching old episodes. They are online and netflix etc. Watch the addicts together, their loved ones, see the things you all have tried in the stories that you will see. I'm certain you would both relate. And each episode you can benefit together by seeing how closing that open door to your adult son could just one day be the thing that saves his life or saves his future. </p><p></p><p>I'm a firm believer that this is truly the right path with adult addicts that we love. Saying no more is a gift of love. Saying okay, we will do xyz if you do xyz is merely pretending something will be different than it was all of the other times and it is in essence usually based in selfishness. Not selfishness in the greedy self centered sense. But selfish in that its easier to set conditions for someone we love than to truly let go of someone we love. So essentially, in continuing to assist in any fashion is often really to help us all feel we are expressing our love. Please stick to your guns and your gut instinct. True love means saying no sometimes. Sometimes under heart breaking circumstances. </p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smile.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smile:" title="smile :smile:" data-shortname=":smile:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 603074, member: 4264"] I don't post on this forum usually but I too saw this title and came to read your post and felt I needed to respond. I think you are absolutely thinking clearly about what you need, your wife needs and what your son needs. Which is for your son to stand on his own two feet, take whatever path he chooses. You've done everything you possibly can. Probably more than many would have. It's the right time at this age and stage of his life to truly "let go". I separated from my life partner of nearly 10 years, just one month ago. Addiction issues. I'm talking a man who my world revolved around and who I wouldn't have replaced for all the tea in china. He was the love of my life. His addiction was under control. He'd been sober a LONG time. He went on a binge, I made him leave that first binge night and have now moved into a new apartment (last week) with my 14 year old daughter. He moved into, you guessed it, his mothers house. Well his mothers small 2 bedroom basement apartment. She has enabled him (and 2 of his other 3 siblings that also have addictions) to the point they always have a place to turn when they ruin everything good in their life. Is it a disease? Certainly. It is also a disease that has help out there for taking should a person want it. He is a grown man now. He must face the consequences of his actions, as should your son. They need to step up in their own lives now and get help, or take the wrong path further until eventually, hopefully, they hit bottom and recognize how much they do need that help and seek it out. I know with my now ex, his mothers enabling has permitted him (and his 2 addict siblings) to continue in his addiction by virtue of bailing him out with a place to stay. Restrictions, rules, conditions, well they don't exist for my ex. But even if they did, for example you and your wife setting rules and terms for your son to come to your home, well how does that help your son? Or my ex? Any adult addict? Plainly speaking, it does not help. In fact, it causes grave harm. There is a reason on all of those intervention shows on tv they always talk about the family's bottom lines. As in no money, no car, no contact, no housing, no NOTHING until the person seeks help and gets sober. And that is usually when addicts make their life long decision between sobriety or living in their addiction. Perhaps you and your wife could spend a day having a Intervention marathon, watching old episodes. They are online and netflix etc. Watch the addicts together, their loved ones, see the things you all have tried in the stories that you will see. I'm certain you would both relate. And each episode you can benefit together by seeing how closing that open door to your adult son could just one day be the thing that saves his life or saves his future. I'm a firm believer that this is truly the right path with adult addicts that we love. Saying no more is a gift of love. Saying okay, we will do xyz if you do xyz is merely pretending something will be different than it was all of the other times and it is in essence usually based in selfishness. Not selfishness in the greedy self centered sense. But selfish in that its easier to set conditions for someone we love than to truly let go of someone we love. So essentially, in continuing to assist in any fashion is often really to help us all feel we are expressing our love. Please stick to your guns and your gut instinct. True love means saying no sometimes. Sometimes under heart breaking circumstances. :smile: [/QUOTE]
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Adult son addicted to pills and soon to be homeless
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