Adult son back in jail for the nth time

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by detachingmother, Feb 13, 2016.

  1. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Hi, I just found this forum.

    I'm struggling again with boundaries.

    Son, 25 years old is in jail for about the 8th time. I am not sure how many times now. I know he has spent small stints that I am not sure of...but there have been 2 times up to a year in county jail. This time is somewhat different to me, because he has a baby on the way. While he is in jail, his girlfriend, who also has many issues is non-stop calling and begging for money for phone calls, baby stuff, etc.

    I've set my boundaries to NOT help any more financially, and have always just been "a phone call away" for any other type of support, emotional support. However, he has not been allowed to stay at my house unless he's on his medication, which he almost always refuses to take.

    He has Bi-Polar, Paranoid Schizophrenia, and is a drug user, of any drug he can get his hands on....drug of choice Adderol and Meth. But, his latest arrest involved him being on Klonopin.

    He's on felonly probation for stealing two motorcycles, his last stint, while he was "celebrating" his big milestone birthday 21, with his best friend, who is also a "thug". I will say, he got 4 years of probation and he did manage to pay over $20,000 of his restitution and was almost out of the woods...he did this after I completely cut him off financially, by starting his own blue collar business.

    I'm so frustrated bc for two years he managed to almost completely pull himself out of his own mess and NOW THIS!!! AND he has a baby on the way...due very soon.

    He has severe mental problems, and he simply has refused treatment over and over again. Since he was a child there have been various diagnoses. Since he was 22, it's been a solid, BiPolar (BP), paranoid schizophrenia, and psychomotor agitation (which I had never hear of) until he was diagnosed. He's always refused medications and treatment even though I've spent countless days and $$ on all of it....sadly, I feel somewhat responsible, bc it runs in my family, my mother's side. On the schizophrenia, when he's doing drugs, it becomes delusional, with audio and visual hallucinations to the point of thnking I have a camera in my hair, and pulling at my hair to find it...also taking apart everything in the house with any type of electonics or electricity looking for cameras. That's why he's no longer allowed at house unless he's sober and on medications.

    He's been in private pay treatment, out patient county treatment, hospital, intensive, and he refuses it all.

    I just feel like I can't even support him emotionally anymore. I've felt awful and while I haven't given him one red cent while he's been out of jail from that last stint, this time I have spend $300 in phone calls and commissary. With his girlfriend pregnant, with my grandchild, it seems different this time....I want so badly to be there for him to be able to see my new grandbaby when she's born, but I cannot keep doing this.

    I fear so much that I will not have a relationship with my grand daughter bc I am just so ready to completely walk away. Even with a baby coming, I think I need to walk far away.

    His girlfriend is just as bad. She goes to jail too for hitting people, including my son. I have no idea what to do. Trying to get custody of the baby isn't an option. I have no money left as he's cleaned that out years ago, and my job is all but obsolete now.

    I just need a "soft place to land" and this seemed like a good place to try for some guidance.
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  2. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Oh no...I think I posted this in the wrong forum. I am just trying to figure this out. :oops:
  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Detaching, GOOD you are not on the wrong forum, you landed in the right place. So sorry for all you have been through and for what is happening now. You have thought this out well. As a grandma also, I know how difficult this is and how conflicting feelings can take over.
    I am sorry for your troubles with your son. It is good that you have stood up and not allowed him to run over your life.

    It is not you fault, none of it, and he is an adult. Even if mental illness runs in your family, you cannot predetermine or control genetics.

    HE can choose to accept his illness and need for medication.

    Meth is a horrible drug. It does horrible things to our kids. How devastating for you and son that he was able to function and pay restitution, start a business, then backslide. But, on the upswing, it shows that he is capable. It also reaffirms detachment, because he did all this without funds from you. Here is a good article on detachment that helps me stay the course....

    So now, the issue for you is pregnant girlfriend and your grandchild. This is a tough one, for sure.
    You know Detaching, I have three grands by my daughter. I love them dearly, but have not seen them for five months now (daughter is "punishing us".)
    We have been in and out, over around and through the woods with issues with the kids and grands. It has been a rough ride to say the least. Heartbreaking. Well, I will tell you, that through the years of craziness, CPS involvement, etc., etc. in the long run the objective of the system is reunification of the family. They are the parents.
    They need to learn how to care for their children, their responsibility.

    I know, there is that desperate voice in the back of the mind and heart "How the heck are they going to do that, they can't even care for themselves?"
    Still and then, it is their responsibility.
    We stepped in when the kids were babies, when CPS called. It may sound cruel, but looking back, I would have said no. What will make the kids see their job, if we step in to rescue? It was too comfortable for them, too easy. Their kids were with their parents, they could and did continue on their destructive path.....

    You are wise to look at your options and understand what you can, and cannot do. It doesn't make the ache of the situation any less.

    If you suspect the girlfriend is using while pregnant, I suggest calling 211, to see what support you can get for the unborn child, if you choose to get involved this way. If she is found to be using while pregnant, at least in our State, there are measures taken to stop it.

    I am so sorry for the pain of this. I know it is hard. You sound very strong and understand your limitations. Keep posting and sharing, it really helps. Your story helps others on the same journey, in different places on the path. I am sorry for your need to be here, but very glad you have found us.
    You are not alone, others will come along and reply.
    Weekends can be a bit slow. But we are here for you.

    Welcome to the forum.

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  4. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Thank you so much for your reply Leafy, so fast!

    There is so much in your post that helps me find at least some relief, the main relief of not being alone. Thank you also for the link to the detachment article. I have been good at detachment before but yes, oh yes, now the playing field has changed with baby involved. :( I'm waffling between wanting to be in her life, to wanting to not even start, because like you said, I know it will be one hell of a nightmare with having my heart ripped out when they "punish" me. They've already try the manipulating to get $, or I can't see baby, and if I don't do this or that, I won't see baby. I tell them tough, go ahead, keep baby from me. ANd, I mean it on one level, but I know it will be hard, always wondering if baby is being cared for properly.

    girlfriend isn't a drug user, she's different in that way, but has a very explosive temper, which is of course one reason why I am so fearful for what kind of parenting they can be...she's gone to jail for punching my son in the face in the middle of a mall in front of shoppers and a security guard. She was mad that son was accusing her of "cheating" while deflecting that he was "high".

    Sadly, she's gone to jail for beating a young woman up who looked at her wrong in a grocery store among other things...looking at her you wouldn't be able to guess she's so explosive. She looks so sweet UGHH. Neither of these two were raised this way, both come from God fearing affluent communities, but both prefer to spend time in what I call "the ghetto".

    Thankfully, she's been seeing a therapist every week for 3 months now. So, while she's similar, I shouldn't have said she's the same. lol My son can push me into wanting to punch him too, but anyway, I digress...

    Her father has a stalking PPO against my son, as she lives with her parents, and my son in his paranoid state crawls around in the snow, examining what he thinks are footprints to accuse her of cheating and having other men over. Yep, literally he tries to match footprints to guys he thinks she's cheating, I'm sure when he gets out it will get worse. I have told them over and over again, the parents, his issues...tried to prevent them even getting pregnant, because I do NOT see this ending well. It's highly volatile. The list of what he does to try and catch her "cheating" is endless....stealing phone and going through it for days on end, ....etc. He even harrasses her from jail, calling and accusing her. I don't know why she even tries with him, other than they share the BI-polar diagnosis and enable each other. Its neither here nor there, but he has caught her cheating once....but, you know, he would not walk away. He much prefers the drama.

    Unfortunately, him in jail is a good thing right now. I fear this will end with a documentary on "Snapped" or ID 20/20 with one or both of them killing the other. I've written a letter to the judge, as well, with complete honest thoughts of what the heck is going on with facts that back it all up, with mental health history included. There is no belief that my kid is a good kid doing bad things...I know he's not fit for society the way things are. I lost that delusion long ago. I only say this, bc I see this alot with other mother's....the denial. I've been stripped of all niceties in so many ways...

    Right now, I'm doing everything I can to have him released into a long-term facility, Because I don't think he will do much time. For this latest crime, He drove his truck into a driveway of a home, stole a gas can and tried to steal gas, while high. Criminal activity and bad for sure, but no one was hurt, so he will problem do most 6 months. The sad part is he had a pocket full of money and could've went to a gas station if he wasn't so high that he didn't realize he was going to run out of gas. The jail is crowded, and so are the mental health facilities in our area, as they are most places...they always let him walk for non-violent crimes. But, I'm afraid with his girlfriend, it will become violent and someone will be hurt with no return. :(---I could have bailed him out for $750 but refuse. And, now I'm refusing to pad his phone account, bc he's abusing the privilege, and I'm stopping commissary funding too, bc he trades his goods for phone calls to call and accuse girlfriend of cheating.

    The other part of the story, is he has said, and so has she that they think the baby might not even be his, during anger fits of rage, so I also fear that if he's out of jail when she gives birth and it comes out the color of the guy he thinks she cheated with, someone will be hurt badly, my son knocks people out with one punch, other men, and I've seen him do three guys in under 30 seconds or so....make me cry so hard.

    Right now with him in jail, they're both safe, and baby will be safe, but....hate to see what will happen down the road if he continues to refuse treatment.

    Thank you again Leafy! I am going to go be productive for awhile in the world and try to not think.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Perhaps a sane third party (you?) should be there when the baby is born.

    Also, babies of color are not necessarily dark when born. My bi-racial daughter was white as anyone. She got darker with age. Her eyes were brown. That was the only difference. Oh, yeah. And she had lots of hair!!! Curly, brown hair!

    Your son will get into trouble if he assaults his girlfriend, but if he hurts a baby...whoa. Best to prevent it from happening.

    Sounds like both your son and the potential mother may eventually end up with CPS on their tails. I hope things go better than that though.

    Does your son have schizophrenic hallucinations, auditory or/and visual?
  6. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    I have a question why does the judge not force him on involuntary treatment basically they force feed him the medication until he is able to rationalize meaning decide without his disease deciding for him?
    Is there a way for that to happen? Can that be presented as a option to the judge he will be sent to a medical facility and well will not be pretty but its effective and can be able to make decision that is not led by his disease.
    I understand that is what you wanna do op but why did they ignore his disease?
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  7. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Son has all hallucinations. Auditory, visual, and paranoia in unbelievable ways. And sometimes its way worse than others.
    Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between them all. Because while paranoid, he believes he sees FBI, ATF, DEA watching him, which is both paranoid and visual. Sometimes he's being "studied for his intelligence", sometimes it's other stuff. He even sees them up in trees.

    He hears beeps and thinks they're all hidden microphones, and cameras. These are some examples. But with him they all collide and go together. One horrific thing was when he was 17 he killed a cat thinking it had microphones in it and he thought he heard them inside the cat. He also said he thought the cat was the devil. The cat was his girlfriends. He threw it against a brick wall. He did time for that too, oh I think 10 days, and out he went. This is just one more reason I don't think this will end well. It's not a stretch to wonder if he will think the baby has "microphone" in her. His Therapists know this, his attorney knows this, the judge knows this, and I'm guessing they will do what they always do and release him .... That incident literally floored me into tears, reduced to sobbing and crying. This was when I realized without a doubt the mental illness was taking on a whole new dimension.

    One incident that stands out and has always made my skin crawl is him pulling at my hair thinking i had a microphone in my hair as I was driving him to a hospital. I feared for my life. :( This was about 2 years ago. They hospitalized him for a few days and out he went.

    Sadly, our mental health system fails people on ALL levels. He needs to be locked up in a long term facility, but so far I've only been able to get them to keep him for up to 5 days. and that was involutarily with them know the full history.
    Even if you have money, which I used to have, the system is not very helpful. I liken it to a temporary band aid.

    I am so far scheduled to be at hospital when she gives birth. She wants me there. But, depends on how they both are treating me at the time.

    I hate to say it but I'm more leaning toward not being in the lives of them, so need to possibly step back and let the cards fall where they will. I feel like I dont know what else I can possibly do to make things right.

    It's been the case in the past ten years, son will only take his medications sporadically, he feels better, quits, then relapses and each time it's way worse than the last.

    I love my son, writing about him like this hurts bad, but I just feel like I have no other recourse. I love to spend time with him when he's on medications, but that's almost never. How long can I keep having him hospitalized for him to get right back out almost instantly and for him to only go back to jail, refuse treatment and start all over again. Same stuff different day. Bad bad cycle.

    I don't want to get attached anymore, and now to a new baby only to be let down. I would almost consider trying to get grand parent rights going, but again, I'm out of money. He spent all I have awhile back and I've not been able to get myself out of the hole yet.

    Also, I do have a sense of responsibility to if he hurts someone else....but, I've talked to all the authorities, written letters, docs, nurses, therapists, and nothing changes. I feel like my hands are tied.

    I do still have a slight hint of hope that MAYBE, Just maybe, this new judge will send him to inpatient long term care.

    **when he does drugs, it's so much much worse, hard to describe. Very hard to put into words. Words just do not say enough.
  8. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    He needs months of impatient long care if not a year so much that he can think clear for months and months without any medication if he is released then you can talk to a rational young man who can make his own decisions not decisions caused by the disease.
  9. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    A dad, I hope they will I have had him hospitalized involutarily myself. They don't keep him long. 5 days has been the longest.

    I am praying they keep him this time...praying my desperate letter this new judge will help.
  10. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    I agree A dad, an entire year, but with medications, he cannot do without them, as he is dangerous to himself and others.

    And then after that year, a half way house. Praying...praying hard, and pleading with authority figures. So far all I hear is, we will do our best to far, nothing good.

    The 18th I might learn more as that is his pretrial date.
  11. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Wow. Just wow! I don't have anything to add beyond the fact that your son's paranoia sounds an awful lot like stimulant psychosis.

    When was he diagnosed schizophrenic? I am wondering if that was after the Adderal and Meth. It's possible that heavy stimulant use might've cause the paranoia and delusions, as opposed to schizophrenia.

    Needless to say, if he is schizophrenic, the stims are absolutely the worst thing he can be using. Right up there with marijuana, which is also very bad for those prone to psychosis of any kind.

    in my opinion, your son needs to be committed to a mental health facility. I would strongly consider calling CPS/DCFS and asking them for advice as even if your son is out of the picture, it doesn't sound like the baby will be safe with the mother.

    I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I wish there were something I could say or do to at least help you to feel better.
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  12. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    yes it's from the meth and adderol Going North.

    However, it's without drugs too now. ALmost as if the meth and adderol use permanently altered his already weakened state of mind. He was already "sick" with mental disease. Was prescribed ADHD medications as a younger person around 8 years old which I quickly discontinued bc I saw things that just weren't normal on those medications even. Even at a young age I knew he had mental problems, but nothigns worked so far.

    Thank you for your input. Not I need to go to a job interview, smile and put this behind me for a moment. Gets hard.

    Thank you for the well wishes. That does help, just to know someone hears me.

    **P.s., my mother had severe schizophrenia, which oddly seemed to go away when she got around 40 years old, so I know he has it in him, just hard to determine how much is from drugs and how much is just him. I think the treatments are the same though. So they say, just with him he needs dually diagnoses therapists.

    I'll be back in awhile so glad to have found a forum that could help in a fast way just to help clear my head.
  13. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I have heard of stimulant psychosis being permanent if enough of the drugs are used on long enough "runs", or if the users are already prone to mental illness or mentally ill.

    "Speed" like meth and Adderal (done in higher than normal dosages) are neurotoxins. They cause permanent damage to certain areas of the brain.

    Good luck on your job interview. If it turns out to be the right job for you, I hope you get it.
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  14. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member


    My sister is a career inmate, too. In and out of the county jail, until now. Now she is facing a 5 year sentence in state prison. She is non violent, it is, literally, all shoplifting (she is a drug addict, D.O.C. is heroin) and parole/probation violations.

    I don't accept collect calls. I only send commissary money on her birthday and Christmas if she is in jail.

    Of course, I am raising my nephews and niece, so I can't help you with the detachment there, but at the time my niece was born, it was me of foster care.

    As an aside on biracial babies it isn't always evident at birth. My nephews and niece are biracial. My sister claims they all have the same dad, but we are skeptical with my niece. The boys are obviously 1/2 black and were so at birth, my niece, while, now at 4, you can tell if you look, she is very light. Her hair color is a darkish blonde and wavy, but not curly, so it may not be evident at birth.

    ...but I digress.... do you have any type of relationship with the girlfriend's parents? Can you talk to them about your concerns for your grandchild's safety? Will the girlfriend be living with them after the baby is born?

    The problem with the mental health system is that it is difficult to get someone committed for involuntary treatment. In order to be involuntarily committed you have to be an IMMINENT danger to yourself or others. Essentially, actively suicidal or homicidal or so psychotic you are unable to care for your basic needs. In some states you can get a 72 hour psychiatric hold, but unless the person is truly dangerous, they can't be forced into treatment.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Another big problem too, Sister's Keeper, and I'm sure you know this...they do not keep the sick person long enough for him/her to get stable ENOUGH. They just let him go as soon as he seems like the anti-psychotics have kicked in and the person is not a raving psychotic anymore. But he is still not well. Then he is released, starts to get schizophrenic ideas again, such as the FBI after him, mics implanted everywhere to get him, and people who love him being the enemy and poisoning him with his anti-psychotic medication. Then he quits taking the anti-psychotic medications and gets way worse and rinse repeat.

    I saw a very scary documentary on the show "Lockup" which is all about inmates in our jails. This particular documentary is about how our jail system in the U.S. has been our new mental health system since the hospitals have been dismantled. There are many inmates who, but for being mentally ill and not aware of reality from fantasy, would never be in the criminal justice system. But they are sick and they are there. Sadly, often it is the only time they are not homeless. Their families can not handle them and some are dangerous so they live on the streets getting no medical help, therapy, and committing crimes caused by illness and often substance abuse. Substance abuse is very common in those who are mentally ill. They are trying to self-medicate and soften the voices and other hallucinations. Schizophrenia is not a joke. Many don't understand how serious it is and how unable the untreated schizophrenic is to make rational, sane decisions while being pelted with constant hallucinations.

    I have read that once in a while schizophrenia goes into remission. If anyone has read the book "A Beautiful Mind" or seen the movie (which is largely fictitious), Nash did go into remission at one time then got sick again and the son he has in the movie has schizophrenia too in real life. There is a YouTube video showing Nash Sr., now elderly, and his brilliant but schizophrenic son. I really was fascinated watching the real John Nash and his son. He had a son also out of wedlock and I heard that THAT boy does not have schizophrenia. Heredity. Hit or miss. Sad, sad disease and so misunderstood.

    Detachingmother, do what you have to do to stay safe. None of us blame you one bit, trust me. As for the baby, maybe foster care is the best option as the parents will be kep[t away from the baby. In most states, there are no grandparent rights, but you CAN ask for custody if the parents are both found unfit at any time in court. That's a private decision. And it can happen or it may not.

  16. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    Confession...I have worked in the mental health field in crisis screening, I know from the inside how screwed up it is and all the legal loopholes you have to jump through to get the person, and keep the person, involuntarily committed. Since I am anonymous here, I will tell you that sometimes, as family, you need to outright lie. Unfortunately, you have to say they threatened to kill you or themselves.

    Another issue is that beds for indigent, uninsured patients in decent treatment facilities are often in very short supply (worse when you are attempting to find substance abuse treatment) So, most patients who lack insurance end up in the government facilities, which, here, are very quickly disappearing, which only tend to house and medicate.

    Not that medicating isn't the key, because I believe these illnesses are chemical, but patients also need to learn how to live with these illnesses, which you don't do when you are just handed Risperdal 3 times a day for a week and then released to a boarding home with a follow up at the clinic a month later.

    Unfortunately, the system has it's hands tied. They cannot legally hold someone against their will if they are not actively suicidal or homicidal and they are capable of providing for their basic needs. They can be grossly psychotic and homeless, but if they can manage to find food and shelter, and are not intent on physically harming themselves or others there is nothing anyone can do.

    Detached, I don't know how psychotic your son is or if his crime was one that he committed because of delusions. Does he become less psychotic when the meth is out of his system? Of course psychosis, mania, and amphetamines are a perfect storm.

    I think appealing to the judge is a good idea. Will he have an in-person court date or will it be done via closed circuit?

    Have you been in touch with his public defender?

    The only 2 things I can suggest is get in touch with his P.D., if you can. If you can be present at the court date maybe you can appeal to the judge in person. Your son has major mental illness, you may also want to try seeing if you can get him evaluated for competency to proceed. If your son is deemed, because of mental illness, unable to aid in his own legal defense, they can order him into treatment.
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  17. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Sister's Keeper and Somewhere out there, Thank YOU both for your replies. I sincerely thank you both. It's so good to hear some inside views. I've done therapy myself for trying to get help with this, but it helps not so much.

    Yes, Sister's Keeper, Yes I do have somewhat of a talking relationship with GFs parents. They know exactly how I feel and how Son is. I went to school with GFs dad, and he also knows Sons father, who isn't in the picture and in fact has been, shall we say, a real problem when trying to get son help. Anyway...they care about son too and his welfare, but he's been so out of it, the father got a stalking PPO against son simply bc he was afraid of son too. Son's threatened her father after father called son a POS. It's a mess that way, but even before girlfriend became pregnant I told them what was going on with son. I wanted badly to stop those two from hurting each other. I was scared those two were becoming so co-dependent that someone was going to get hurt. Not because Son has ever physically hurt a woman, but sometimes he's so out of it, it's hard to tell what he will do. I felt an obligation to let them know what was going on and who their daughter was getting involved didn't take long for them to realize it themselves.

    Currently, the parents take her to see him at jail, once a week for a half hour--that's the only visiting he is allowed. I would go visit, but he only gets the one half hour and she should have it. They think as long as you pray and worship God that all will be ok. Very religious, which I am too, however, prayers haven't worked for this. I think they act like it is just something I did wrong as a parent with him. They can't know what they don't know, but I've worked with him and lived it for longer than the decade it's been hard core nasty. I appreciate their caring though, it's just that I don't think they get most of it, like me now being broke bc the decade long trying to get him help and trying to keep him in his own home has taken every last financial resource I've had ...they don't get it all, but at least they try. girlfriend has her own "intervention" in place with him....basically, no medications and treatment, no visits with the baby and no relationship with her....sounds great, only it has been tried and failed already many times over.

    YES, I do believe he was in crisis delusion mode. He called me while the cops were with him. He said, "MOM, hey mom, I'm on my Risperdal and the cops think I was drunk driving will you please talk to them and tell them I take Risperdal."

    Ummmm no nothing like that was going on, there was a break in into a car, and a gas can was stolen I am still unclear of from where but I think their garage, and he was apparently trying to steal gas. I believe that, bc when I took his tax money to go get his truck out of impoundment, it was dead on empty--I had to get a gas can to get it to start. There's more to this story though as the people who's driveway he was in blocked him in their driveway and smashed his truck up and held him at gunpoint with shot guns til the cops even got there. So much more but can't write a book....this is so long already. One of the guys holding him there, broke out his windshield too, and then they ran their "beater" truck into both sides of son's work truck., which is a beater too, but still good enough of a work truck. So needless to say, when son does get back on his feet, he will need to replace his truck. Not that I blame the people it's just over kill.

    He seriously thought he was going to jail for driving drunk, when his car was on 'e' and he was committing a b and e, and theft under $200.

    Yes, he self medicates, all the time. The mental health issues came long before the drugs. But the drugs have made it worse i think, but schizophrenia usually gets worse around young adult hood, so who knows. My mother's was severe!! She saw gorilla's and mean animals all the time all around her. She screamed all the time. Eventually she self medicated too. WHen she went through this, the hospitals were still around. She was in a very well known hospital in our state. She's been in remission for 30 years. But when it was bad, she tried to kill herself by layign down in the middle of a busy road among many other ways. Today, you'd never know she went through that...

    Somewhere Out There!!! YES!!!!! I saw that too and I agree. The lock up show.. Most people in jail are mentally ill, and in my state, there are more people incarcerated than any other state PER CAPITA in the country, AND our country has the MOST incarcerated persons in the world True.

    Our state does, or at least used to, have grand parent rights. But, I just don't think I can keep this up. The 18th I hope and pray something gives.

    Yes, I talk to his PD, she is luckily very nice and seems willing to help. I hope I am right about her. Doesn't mean she really will though..last attorney, 7 months ago, cost $2000 for a retainer for him to do absolutely NOTTA--this time son was paranoid and called up the local city police to tell them to stop harrassing him, when in fact SON was harrassing them...ARGHHH. Yes, he did that and he got a harrassment of the police charge bc he was calling them and harrassing them. Charges were dropped but cost a pretty penny. I begged that attorney to plead with the judge on court ordering treatment, but as I mentioned above, this state is so overflowing with inmates and problems in the mental health system it's unreal.

    One thing I did right was moved him one county over, for treatment and hospitalization, because that makes a HUGE difference too. The county he happens to be in now I feel will be better than the one he was in last time. AND, it just so happens he landed in jail in THAT county that is a little better.

    Yes, the system is jacked up. With my Sons delusions, Depakote has helped. He flat out refuses Risperdal, since he's watched the commercials about male breast cancer, and Seroquel helps. Yes, some people totally need medications and finding the right combo is hell. But, depakote helps him "live with it". Problem is when he quits taking it bc he "feels better". As soon as he does, it's a nightmare. I always know bc he's back in jail.

    Thanks so much all!! It's been so crazy. Everyone who has helped me here, sincere thanks !!! I feel so much better having been heard.
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
  18. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    On a side, the BiPolar is also bad. It's extreme too. I know people with Bipolar, I've also working in this field, and have a degree pertaining to all of this...but it's all of no help. His case is SEVERE.

    And when he thought he was going to jail for Drunk driving, that was crazy bc he doesn't drink at all ever. He wasn't drinking then either. I'm actually still confused, they won't let me get the police report until he is sentenced they said. I am still going to try to see it the 18th at pretrial.
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It sounds severe and its so unfair to put a psychotic person in jail rather than a hospital. We are failing our severely mentally ill population...those too delusional and psychotic to be able to get the help they need.
    I hope the judge will offer your son the help he needs. I am so sorry.
  20. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member


    I am sorry for what you are going through. My son has mental illnesses also. I have not posted for a while, just know this is a safe place and we care. Keep posting it really helps.