Adult son back in jail for the nth time

[New Leaf]

New Leaf, first, you're a good mother. Enabling is uneducated mothering, in my opinion...does more harm than good. I've read many of your posts...I know you know this, but it's always worth repeating, right? It's your choice not to talk to your two...if they can't be respectful.

Aww thanks Detaching, I am having a head fight with myself right now. Just found out Tornado will be at my nieces birthday party. I am really torn about going, haven't spoken with her for 6 months, and don't know what to expect. I do not want to have a breakdown at the party, you know?
The part on enabling, yes definitely worth repeating....
Thanks, it is my choice, well for Rain, last encounter was frightening. She rushed me, I believe it is called looming...one inch from my face screaming and swearing.....no, do not want to go through that ever.
Tornado, it was ugly too. Extremely disrespectful.
In all honesty my heart has taken some direct hits that struck me to my core, and I am battle weary. Not ready to open the door. If that makes me cold, so be it. I have got to take the time I need to regroup and strengthen myself for whatever comes along. SIGH.

One tell-tale sign is teeth that are beginning to rot. That is a given. I've also seen Vicodin rot out teeth, and a few other drugs, though too, so...With long term meth use too, there's almost always paranoia, hallucinating, mania...

Haven't seen rotting teeth, but extreme weight loss and mood swings from down, down, down to agitated and chatty, to mania and just plain old crazy talk.....and aging face.....yes, the picture of meth. With Tornado, it is the acne and manic phases.

I know the circle talk all too well. I feel for ya...I try hard these days not to get caught up in those talks. Doesn't happen that often these days. Son knows if he wants to talk to me he cannot get away with that.

Yup, so distance it is for me. Tornado is stubborn and has done this before, where she will not call. I am obliging by not attempting to contact her. I am stubborn too, feel an apology is owed, but probably won't come anytime soon. I gave them to God to watch over, it is too big for me to handle at this time. I think I am leaning towards not attending this birthday party. I imagine myself just breaking down in big old sloppy tears, not a good scene for my nieces party.

Thanks Detaching for your response and support. You guys have stuff of your own to work on. What a bunch we are, huh? We are tough warriors, the hardest things, we go through.

I think for my two, whatever it is that ails them is certainly compounded, or even began with drug use.

One day, hopefully, they will wake up and decide to walk a different path.

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[pasajes4]

Detaching, My son has had high blood pressure since he was born. It is controlled by medication and diet. He was not taking care of this issue. He did not want to take medication for any of his issues, because he wanted to be like everyone else. The stroke was most likely fueled by smoking weed laced with a stimulant. He has always been self destructive. Detaching is the only way I can keep myself sane.

 

[detachingmother]

I gave them to God to watch over, it is too big for me to handle at this time.

Perfect!

I would not do well with the yelling in my face. No. With PTSD myself, I do not do well with yelling in face. Even Son knows better than that and found out the hard way. Sad, but true.

Sure would make it hard to have to go to nieces b-day party, with Tornado there...Maybe you could think up an "out" to get out of there if it breaks loose.

You guys have stuff of your own to work on.

Yep, most definitely. I am glad to have this easy access to quick support. I can start to settle down more now that I know what's in store for the next year.

I just came back from Pretrial for Son. I was hoping he would get more time.

Judge said he would do 4 months in jail, and then go to a 90 day treatment program, with dual diagnoses treatment. Was hoping for a year treatment program after jail. He will also be going through a sheriff program where he will participate in treatment in the jail, and he should have his medications by tomorrow. Amazing really, since he's a major habitual offender.

My prayers for him were answered for the most part. This will be telling because he's not been in any court ordered treatment before first time. He has been in private pay, outpatient numerous times and never followed through, because he would not take time off his business. Probably rationalizing here, but I do think he is going to at least benefit out of inpatient. If now, this is the last hurrah.

Not holding my breath, but I do have faith.

 

[detachingmother]

He was not taking care of this issue. He did not want to take medication for any of his issues, because he wanted to be like everyone else. The stroke was most likely fueled by smoking weed laced with a stimulant. He has always been self destructive.

I hear you! I understand 100%. I wish we could just make them take the medications somehow. I can say right now that this is my last hurrah, but inside, I do know there might be the option of going through probate court and taking his rights away. Possibly to become a guardian or a conservator or both. Doubt I would do this though...but I do not like to say never.

Thinking of you and hope you find tons of strength!!!

 

[pigless in VA]

Welcome, savior no more. I think it would be awesome for you to start your own thread. This is an amazing place where people can support each other through tough and troubling times. That is perhaps the silver lining about enduring difficult circumstances. Those who befriend, support, encourage and understand you in spite of the you're dealt, are true friends indeed.

New Leaf,

I think if you don't feel strong enough emotionally to attend the party, that you need to honor that. Thank you and SWOT for thinking I am a hero. Can I be a flying pig with a cape? Honestly, I am just someone who had enough sense to make some serious life changes. I will, though, take the time to write some more about that first ex of mine. Maybe it will give someone else the courage to emancipate themselves.

DM,

Do you hear the irony in wishing your son would get more time? I think some time away from the real world may give him an opportunity to regroup especially with medications instead of street drugs. I hope it helps. At least he is "contained." I could not sleep when my husband was psychotic and loose in the world. I kept thinking he was going to put a bomb under my van.

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening and good restful sleep.

 

[detachingmother]

DM,

Do you hear the irony in wishing your son would get more time? I think some time away from the real world may give him an opportunity to regroup especially with medications instead of street drugs. I hope it helps. At least he is "contained." I could not sleep when my husband was psychotic and loose in the world. I kept thinking he was going to put a bomb under my van.

Yes I do, and I have to say, he just might get more time.

I talked to his probation officer from last county he got a felony in and is on 4 years felony probation. He violated Son. Son may or may not be picked up to go face the music there. Either way, he will have to face the music in that county when he's done with his time in the current county.

Very very mad at him right now. He was doing meth the night he was arrested this past time. He confessed to his girlfriend, and she told me.

He is looking at 4 years in prison for the probation violation, but we will not know until sometime in September probably.

So meanwhile, back to my life, with the knowledge that he is safe, others are safe, so long as he's singing Jail House Rock. Ohhhh, my lost little jail bird.

Love to all in here, peace and light and prayers.

I am off to enjoy my day with the love of my life, my rock, my man, my sweet soft place to fall in the real world.

 

[detachingmother]

WE need a jail bird emoticon, singing the Jail Blues...or singing a Johnny Cash tune. lol Just keeping the humor today....even though I feel on the crazy side.

 

[Sister's Keeper]

Detaching,

This is where we are. Sis with her, I think, 9th shoplifting arrest. Parole/probation violation. She was offered an 18 month inpatient rehab with the remaining 5 yrs IOP treatment with vocational rehab and sober living, or a 5yr sentence in state prison.

Guess what she chose? Because she "isn't ready to stop getting high yet." While I raise her kids. It's what set me off to come here.

Here are a few things. I don't know where you live, but, my sister will never do 5 years. She is a non violent offender, and as I mentioned, a model prisoner. She will be out in a year and and half. She has that all figured out. With "good time" and with working a prison job. No parole. Free and clear to use again.

The only advantage is that the state prison, at least here, offers more in terms of substance abuse treatment, at least they have groups, and her motivation to attend them is time off her sentence. Maybe something will sink in. (I'm not holding my breath)

The other advantage is that you will be less beholden, financially. They have way more opportunity to work a prison job and earn their own commissary and phone money.

I know that you have a grandbaby on the way. I tell my sister that any money that I would have given her goes towards her kids. In lieu of the child support that I will never see. That she chose this life. She chooses to be in jail, they did not choose it and shouldn't do without because of her choices.

I know that you are undecided on your involvement in your grandbaby's life, but you can tell him that while he is in jail/prison that any money that would have gone towards him will go towards making sure his child doesn't do without until he can provide for his own child.

 

[detachingmother]

This is where we are. Sis with her, I think, 9th shoplifting arrest. Parole/probation violation. She was offered an 18 month inpatient rehab with the remaining 5 yrs IOP treatment with vocational rehab and sober living, or a 5yr sentence in state prison.

I would have loved to see this type of lengthy sentence come down. I'm in Michigan. They rarely dole out an offer for more than 90 days here. Unreal to me that she didn't take that. How can someone love drugs more than life itself. I will never understand. Son did get an option...9 months total in jail, or 4 months jail and treatment in sheriffs program in county jail/90 days inpatient treatment. He knew if he wanted to be part of the family he had to take the latter option. He chose wisely, thank God. Not holding my breath either. He's always "good" when he's clean and sober for a few days and when he's back on his medications, which he now is.

Here are a few things. I don't know where you live, but, my sister will never do 5 years.

Michigan. They do have "good time" here too...not sure how prison will work, but county definitely does, and Son has that all figured out. He told me even if he gets 4 years in State Prison, he will only do 18 months, so it seems he has it figured out too, like your sister has figured out the system.

The other advantage is that you will be less beholden, financially. They have way more opportunity to work a prison job and earn their own commissary and phone money.

I'm not used to this county he's in now, as before it took awhile to become a trustee, but he's a trustee rather fast this time, and has a job.

Oddly, and I didn't expect this, but he said this to me today, "Mom please do NOT put phone money in the account, and if you do please limit it to $10 a week. I cannot control myself from calling my girlfriend and..." basically harassing her and accusing her of cheating. I was somewhat thrown off, because he is aware that he cannot control himself and wants to not be a pain in the rear to her. He asked me this the other day, in a different way, but today he was adamant that I not put money in account. OK, cool, I won't.

I know that you have a grandbaby on the way. I tell my sister that any money that I would have given her goes towards her kids. In lieu of the child support that I will never see. That she chose this life. She chooses to be in jail, they did not choose it and shouldn't do without because of her choices.

This is great how you do this. When I was much younger, now that I think of it, I did take one of my sister's daughters for awhile. She was very abusive to this one daughter, moreso than the others and she asked to live with me. My sis never had any lengthy jail stay, just short stints, but she was abusive to this one child. If sis had gone to jail for a long period, I would have helped with her kids too, but fortunately her ex did a good job raising them and helping to keep them protected. Sis's story is a little different in that she has always had CPS involved too, and they go into her home constantly. She was almost put in a group home, involuntarily, so she straightened up enough to prevent that. She also has social workers in her home on a weekly basis and when she's in downslide or medications quit working or she quits taking them and goes back to cocaine or other substances, social workers and aides come daily. It's almost like adult foster care, but she's in her own home, a home her oldest daughter gave her and charges her very cheap rent. Last I knew anyway. She did some terrible things so I just don't talk to her and all but one of her kids is grown. So I stay away, and have a long distance relationship with only two of her girls. But I really don't talk to them much either...too many emotional scars and hard to deal with it.

I know that you are undecided on your involvement in your grandbaby's life,

I am warming up fast to the idea of having grandbaby in my life. I have been talking to Son's girlfriend quite a bit. She's actually a sweet girl, and I feel like she will be a good mother. I have to say most of the problem is Son's behavior. When he's in jail, she's very tolerable. I am starting to see where this can work. Her biggest problem is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and she's been in therapy now for about 9 weeks. She's off medications, and doing pretty good. There's promise in this....and, she's totally working an "intervention" with Son too, which I respect. Same as my intervention. If he doesn't do treatment, stay on medications, no girlfriend, no baby other than supervised visits through court, and no mom or immediate family. She talked to him today, he got snippy, she told him respect her or she's hanging up. She had to hang up on him. Was proud of her. He cannot disrespect people or he's done until he can respect.

I think for me right now, the hardest part is not knowing what the future holds. We will know nothing about the felony probation violation now until September or so. So, this prevents follow-up treatment, if he goes right to prison after he gets out of 90 day program. I know I shouldn't do all that I do, but I cannot help trying to help him plan. Once a plan is in place, he can then get back to his medications, building his business, and being a father and family member. I don't know.

I guess Son told me in his own way that I enable his bad behavior, as indicated above about him asking me not to put money in his account. This is how I took it. He just didn't know what to call it....enabling.

Thanks for your advice, Sister's Keeper. I do appreciate it all.

 

[detachingmother]

The sad fact is our society has jails and in Texas State Schools for the severely mentally retarded and criminally MR. My son's processing speed is severely MR - 56 - however other functions aren't so bad.

I just saw this. Somehow I missed it yesterday.

This literally breaks my heart. Has he ever been in something like adult foster care, or is he too much of a criminal. I just hate the fact that our governments have done away with psychiatric hospitals for the most part. He needs that more than my son does, for sure.

I would be a mess too and feel sorry for him too. Afterall, it's not his fault he was born with such a horrible disability.

You are doing all that you can, and you know this you just need to hear it. and hear it and hear it until it sinks in deep.

Even MR learn self control with repetition, so on some level, the criminal part, may mean exactly what you say...that he will be institutionalized for a long time. I have often thought, so many of these people would rather be institutionalized in jail/prison bc it gives them more of a sense of structure and they don't have to try to figure things out for themselves. I am starting to wonder if this is my son's plan.

Hugs to you!!! Hang in there, and do something special for yourself today.

 

[detachingmother]

Still trying to educate myself totally on the enabling. Even when I think I am not, I am...ugh. Sad when son tells me in a round about way to not enable.

 

[Sister's Keeper]

Isn't it funny how they figure it all out? The sentences, the good time, the work time. I wish they were that smart in their every day choices. It's funny Sis told me the same thing, "I will only do 18 months max." It was a flat sentence, so she knows that there will be no parole hanging over her to violate after that.

Sis gets jail "jobs" quickly because she is well known to them, and the jail knows that she is never a problem prisoner They are quick to offer because she is reliable. How ironic is that?

I don't have her kids because of the prison situation, unfortunately. Sadly both she and their father are addicts. They are always some form of homeless. There is a long story, and 3 different versions of it, but the 2 boys were in the custody of Baby Daddy's grandmother. I think the long and short of it was they were using in Granny's house and she put them out and told them they sign the boys over to her or she calls DYFS. So, Sis gets pregnant with Little Girl, my niece, and she claims it's the same Baby Daddy, but she doesn't look like the boys, and I know how Sis earns drug money.... I digress... well, Little Girl is born addicted, and DYFS wants to put her in foster care. Granny won't take her, because, rightly so, she feels she can't handle an infant, and especially not one that is in withdrawal. So I agree to take her, and in talking with granny I agree to take the boys, too, so everyone is together. (Sis and I were separated when I was in 3rd grade, she in 2nd) The kids have never been abused (other than the drug use while pregnant) Weirdly, neither of the boys were born with drugs in their system. How she managed that, I don't know. It's near a miracle.

So, here we all are. Just one big mess. I have legal custody of all 3. It's been 4 years and Sis has not seen them since Little Girl was released from NICU. Baby Daddy has been gone with the wind for a few years ago. Last anyone heard he was in jail in a different county.

So there was a lot of crap and excuses leading up to the "not ready to stop getting high" statement about why she couldn't go to treatment, but, that is the truth of it, really. It was the slap in the face that I needed to open my eyes that she is not getting clean. She will die an addict, probably sooner than later. We are beginning the process of legally adopting the kids.

I wish that they were as motivated out of jail as they are in.

 

[detachingmother]

Oh SK, you definitely have your hands full. You are a very special person to take the kids and keep them together. As hard as it is, and for what it's worth I have an abundance of respect to you for what you are doing.

You are those children's blessing.

She will die an addict, probably sooner than later.

I am thinking this could happen to Son too. He has threatened suicide so many times I cannot count. While I know with males if they say they will commit suicide, the stats say they probably will not. I've read that males will most likely just do it and not talk about it. BUT...I never know, right? So in my head I have grieved and have planned the funeral. Sad, but true. Mostly now, if he dies I feel it will be from shooting up meth, which he did the night he was arrested. So scary. I've had plenty of nightmares, ranging from him dying and me finding him, him dying and me burying him myself (yikes--totally scary), and many more...

I guess what I want to ask, do you find yourself grieving already? I often find myself grieving the loss of him on so many levels.

I hate even writing this, but I am going to anyway. Sometimes I think that will be the only way they will get peace.

For now, I pray, and hold onto faith.

Something you said on a previous page, for some reason I missed it yesterday, but about us getting something out of enabling them. I think you're right about that. I wonder if I can figure out what it is totally that I am getting out of it, if I can fix this? Hard to explain what I am meaning here.....but maybe you will get it.

 

[Sister's Keeper]

Grieving, yes. Because the people we knew and loved are already lost to us. This person that loves drugs more than me, more than her own children is a stranger. This isn't the sensitive girl that would cry at the drop of a hat if someone called her a name. I don't know who this selfish creature is. The person who had to be put out of my life because she stole her own addicted premie baby's formula and sold it for drug money. Who the hell does stuff like that?

I have a lot of guilt. I know it's misplaced, but but it's there, and it may be the same for you.

My story is this. We have the same bio mother and different fathers. When I was in 3rd grade and Sis in 2nd we were removed from our mother's home for neglect. She is an addict/alcoholic. I went to live with my father and stepmother. My father was willing to take Sis, also, but the state wouldn't allow it. Custody of her was given to our maternal aunt, who is our mother's partying buddy. Social services is a messed up agency, so what this "custody" really was was she remained with my mother. I know that Sis was sexually abused by Bio's boyfriend. I have guilt because I had opportunities that she never had. I feel like she never had a chance. When she is angry or pushed about her behavior she will throw this in my face. She later apologizes, but the hurt is still there.

I wonder whether with kids mother's feel the guilt, because as mothers we feel like we are supposed to protect our children from hurtful things and we feel guilty because bad things still happened and we couldn't stop them and we can't fix them.

I don't kid myself that this is why I have the kids. Not that I don't love them, because I do, like they are my own flesh, but deep down I think I will always feel like I owe her.

Intellectually, I know that it wasn't my fault, that I was a child, that I had as much control over the situation as she did, but it's still there.

I have learned though, over the years, that I have to detach from her. That I have to let her problems be hers and her responsibility to solve or live with.

I'm a big reader. In the novel, "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn" the father, Johnny, is an alcoholic. The mother is always angry at him and is always trying to change him. I am paraphrasing but the aunt says to the mother, "Johnny drinks and he will for the rest of his life. It's just how it is and you love him and have to accept that." The mother, at that point, stops expecting the father to sober up and contribute to the home and she finds a way to provide for her family and lets him go about his business. She still loves him, but she is distanced from him emotionally and there is no more warmth in their relationship.

This is how I kind of see myself. I accept who she is. She's an addict. She always will be. I don't support it, but I don't fight it either. It is what it is. I've accepted it. This will seem a bad thing to say, but, at this point, I can't even imagine making a place for her in my life even if she did, miraculously, get her life together.

I know she will die as a result. Whether it's an OD, or HIV, or hepatitis, or someone on the street kills her, I have stopped dreaming of a good ending to this.

 

[InsaneCdn]

@detachingmother I asked our admin if she could find an appropriate new emoticon for us... she couldn't find a "singing" one, but she did come up with this one and I think it's quite appropriate...



It's been added to the emoticon library.

 

[detachingmother]

@detachingmother I asked our admin if she could find an appropriate new emoticon for us... she couldn't find a "singing" one, but she did come up with this one and I think it's quite appropriate...



It's been added to the emoticon library.

Very cute!! Thank you. I did get a giggle out of this.

 

[detachingmother]

I don't kid myself that this is why I have the kids. Not that I don't love them, because I do, like they are my own flesh, but deep down I think I will always feel like I owe her.

I'm not surprised. My Sis was molested for 5 yrs, ages 9-up to 14, by my Moms husband. I felt for years like I owed her. I feel nothing now, but again her kids are now grown, all but one who now the grown daughters help with the youngest.

Something about the molestation killed Sis long ago..the man who did this to hurt her in sick ways, using balloons and rectal "things", and after she was ruined. I remember it. I had some survivors guilt, of course, or something similar.

With Son, none of that happened. He's just afflicted with the mental health illness and having to face himself in the mirror I think. And like you said, drugs probably came after.

Also, with Sis, I know he preyed on her because the perv knew she was mentally weak, and although un-diagnosed at the time, he knew he could get away with it, and he did. Perv also knew my mother was afflicted, which he why he chose to be with her and marry her. He was my step father. She is still with him. So, no. No sense of a mother's protection either. He was not long home from Vietnam, nasty bout with Agent Orange. Mother makes excuses for him. I know, crazy. Mother also did nasty things, so he I think would tell her, if she told on him, he would tell on her. Extremely dysfuntional. I'll just say here, mother did munchausen by proxy type things. I have three dead brothers who all died before age 2...I'll just say here, 3 babies dying by SIDS is really unheard of in the same family. Trying not to write a book, but it's very sick. One of those babies, Sis found, after mom sent her into a freezing cold room to check on him.

I forgave mother for my own sanity, not for hers.

Yes, with her and Son I have felt anger more than guilt, and worry more than anger... believe it or not. Guess it doesn't matter, they are all useless feelings mostly.

The dysfunction in my family is rampant. I get it. Thank you for sharing. Again, it's true for me what some say about people who get degrees in Psychology, that they have a lot of "problems" in their own families. Yup, this is true for me. I wonder if I am actually the crazy one at times, but then reality of shows it's head. Sometimes I wish I was lost in the head, so I could just get a free pass and get taken care of....no not really....I am hyper sensitive though at times, my mind never stops, and I have had insomnia for years (problem bc I hate the nightmares), I almost don't sleep until I am so tired I just drop. And for about ten years, I drank like a fish, got a DUI, and never did that again. I don't know, I might be a little crazy myself. Ah hell....and some form of PTSD, or PTSS, I can't remember the difference and it really doesn't matter.

I had to "quit" my Sis after trying to help her over and over again and her "" all over me. And, she's quite the prolific "user". I feel like she punished me because what happened to her didn't happen to me. That's how i see it. Doesn't seem your sister really punishes you, she punishes herself more I think.

One of the last things with my sis-- was called me up and begged me to pay her light bill. So, I "Walmarted" her the money. She said she was broke. I then went over her house and saw she had no groceries and a 10 year old and a 15 year old. I went and bought her groceries. Also her daughter didn't have any bedroom furniture, so I gave her the new set I bought my son that he never used (he always slept in my room then outgrew it...never used it anyway) It was a very nice set. I spent 3 grand on it of money I worked very hard for. She turned around and sold the bedroom set, did cocaine.

Also, before this, when I thought she was ok and didn't have a clue of her drug use, before I knew all what I now know, I had her watch Son once, well, that went very bad. She did cocaine, then xanax, passed out and son go ahold of her pills and ODd. He was 12. he later told me, he watched her do cocaine/xanax...then passed out, he wanted to try some of what she was doing. He was hospitalized along with her 15 year old who did this with Son. At the hospital, she tried to blame me, and my Son, for that, when in fact, she was the adult and should have been coherent and on her medications. I was at fault here too, for even thinking she was OK enough to handle watching him for 8 hours while I went to work. Also, at the hospital, she was so crazy she had to leave or be arrested. It was actually her ex and myself who stayed with the kids. Thank God, the kids were OK. And, my younger two have NEVER been around her. Or my mother for that matter. When my oldest was younger, I still had not worked through all of this...Hindsight and if I only knew then what I know now......

There's more, but the gist is every time I have tried to help her or be in her life, she has hurt me.....I think as much as I can I have made peace with not having her in my life. I simply cannot, as she's had years of therapy and has shown, she will only try to hurt me. I have to keep myself OK, so I can be there fully for my own kids.

I know this is long....sorry I totally digressed. I really do not think much about the FOO issues. I have worked through it as much as I could, now I focus on my own immediate family. I honestly don't go around them anymore, but of course, as people with these kinds of issues, it never goes away,..we always wll be a part of it, somehow, even if just in our own head.

Now, I call it when I do bring it up or think about it all, "opening the Pandora's box, visiting it for a bit, and putting it back to bed." It's almost like a bad friend, I know I shouldn't hang out with but do anyway just because...So I doubt I will write much more on this subject, but there's a glimpse. And, since I am using this as my journal....well, there it is...some of my deepest darkest secrets, that not too many people know about, out in a public online forum. lol

SK, you are protecting yourself and those kids just as good as you can... I give it up to you!!!!

Please pardon the rambling style, poor grammar, etc...I have no desire to perfect it, just getting it out there. I used to be a perfectionist with my writing. These days, I simply don't care...lol

 

[pigless in VA]

I guess what I want to ask, do you find yourself grieving already? I often find myself grieving the loss of him on so many levels.

DM, I can relate to this. I had no choice but to emotionally separate from my husband. He tried so hard to get me to sink into the emotional abyss with him. I couldn't. I couldn't allow his insanity to tear my life and my kids' lives to pieces. I loved him, strongly and deeply, but I couldn't sacrifice my life to his addiction and resultant insanity.

This person that loves drugs more than me, more than her own children is a stranger.

Yes, I recognized that my husband the addict was a completely different person from my husband sane. Sane husband loved me and the kids and would do anything for us. He was kind, quiet, reserved, and thoughtful. He was respectful of others, sometimes going overboard to protect people's feelings. Just to give one concrete example, when Ferb was learning to ride a bike, he crashed into a couple of neighbors' cars. husband went back to the houses, met the people and told them about the scratches on the cars. He took responsibility for the accident.

Crazy husband was supremely selfish. It was after I encountered Crazy husband that I understood why people in the past believed in demonic possession. It was as if a completely different personality took possession of this man's body. Nothing was the same. I kept trying to explain that to the doctors and counselors and police officers. Crazy husband was intent on ruining the life that sane husband had worked so hard to build.

runaway bunny, thanks for the new

 

[New Leaf]

New Leaf,

I think if you don't feel strong enough emotionally to attend the party, that you need to honor that. Thank you and SWOT for thinking I am a hero. Can I be a flying pig with a cape? Honestly, I am just someone who had enough sense to make some serious life changes. I will, though, take the time to write some more about that first ex of mine. Maybe it will give someone else the courage to emancipate themselves.

Yes, you can be the flying pig in a cape, that way, when anything good needs to happen, and someone says "When pigs fly" you can fly overhead and make it happen........

Thank you Pigless, I will consider about attending or not. It is not my party, and I should not cry if I want to...........

Sane husband loved me and the kids and would do anything for us. He was kind, quiet, reserved, and thoughtful. He was respectful of others, sometimes going overboard to protect people's feelings.

This was my daughters. The ones I remember, kind, funny sensitive and loving.

Crazy husband was supremely selfish. It was after I encountered Crazy husband that I understood why people in the past believed in demonic possession. It was as if a completely different personality took possession of this man's body.

This is my two, now. I do not know them. So, I guess I am trying to emotionally separate. Especially since I am their main target. The "bad" parent. SIGH
Yes, it is a grieving. Harder still, because they walk this earth. It is surreal, in many ways. For all of us.

You guys, Detaching, Sisters Keeper, Pigless, Insane, what super women you all are............

(((Hugs)))
leafy

 

[detachingmother]

Just hanging around this evening reading more in substance abuse. I am angry with son and do not want to hear from him for awhile.

Once I learned he was in fact doing meth, shooting it into his hand, the night he was arrested just infuriated me. Now that I have had two days to process this since finding out I want to choke him myself.

Lies, lies, lies, more manipulation, etc. I just want to grab him by his shirt collar and shake him. Makes me sure now, he's not been being so straight the past two years. I highly doubt he just happened to do it that one time in past two years. Of course, dumby, I say to myself, of course, drug users are liars. Doubt he just happened to relapse that one day. He just happened to get caught. Little BLEEP! Not feeling very loving right now.

Good thing I can't get a hold of him. He is in a good place. Jailbird blues.