Just an update.
I've been keeping myself very busy. Working two out of the home jobs, both having to do with working with people with mental illness. I love it. It keeps me busy helping those who want my assistance/guidance. Also, I'm working "passively" on my home based business in my extra time. Helping to increase the quality of life for those who want it, fills me up inside and keeps me happy.
Son is doing better on medications in the county jail. I went about two weeks just letting him simmer and think. Didn't talk to him at all during those two weeks. He did write me a beautiful letter. He sounds great, sober, clear headed. He understands why I "stepped back". He understands that I feel that I actually hinder his progress more when I'm constantly after him to do better, so I back off for now. He understands he has to sit in this very temporary place that he created himself. He understands why he is where he is and how he got there, and what needs to be done to start down a better path, so that he can be the best father/man that he can be. He knows I do what I do out of love. He respects me so much more for doing the things I do with him. He is also NOT asking me to do anything to fix his situation for him, neither is he blaming me anymore. He is taking full responsibility, and this is a BIG step in the right direction. He even told me he was proud of me, for doing what I do (work, supporting him emotionally, helping others), and that he is proud that I will be his daughter's grandmother, because he thinks I will be a good influence and positive force in her life, because he is aware of the gfs/mother's limitations. Very sweet. This is progress and seems small now, but I think we have officially turned this into a positive ordeal.
At his prelim hearing he was told by the Judge she would sentence him to 4 months in jail and 90 days intensive inpatient dual diagnoses treatment center (very lucky), If he does well. I am not sure what will happen as he did get into a small bit of trouble in the jail, and Judge said any trouble would set him back into a full 9 months in jail. He currently is set to go to inpatient around April 20th. The trouble was that he was granted the privilege of being a trustee, and he said he lost that privilege because he "didn't wash the dishes very good." So now I am not sure if Judge will consider that trouble. I don't think so, as it's relatively minor in the grand scheme of things...minor set back.
I did finally talk to him on the phone last night. He also wants me to write a letter to Judge requesting that he be allowed "work release" from the treatment center during the day. I told him no. Not a good idea as that would interfere with his focusing on recovery. He didn't like that...but he agreed it was possible and plausible to create more trouble. He didn't ask again.
He's still reading Man's Search For Meaning. He says he likes it, but I am not so sure he really does like it, as it's a relatively easy read and he's had it for about three weeks now and says he's only half way through it. No big deal, as I am just glad he's sounding better, healthier, more focused.
He's been fine, but now his pregnant girlfriend is trying to place demands on me. Ugh. I really try to be good with her. She is trying my nerves however. A week ago, I went out and bought a pack n play, clothes, and a "princess" silk pillow for the baby girl who is due the end of April. She was happy for about a day. She said she now wants diapers and bigger bottles. I said to her, oh we have time, she will not need diapers until she is born, or bigger bottles for a few good months. She texts me and said, "I want those now."
Holy Xmas, this girl. I told her no. I told her do no demand I do anything now or you will get a big fat nothing. I told her a week ago that I would get more items for the baby before baby is born. This will be a point of contention I am sure.
At the same time I took her the gifts a week ago, I met her mother for the first time (where son's girlfriend lives). It was like talking to two 13 year old girls. The mom and son's girlfriend had a verbal fight in front of me, over the father (hers) telling everyone the baby shower was a half hour earlier than it was originally planned. These two got into it, name calling, picking up cell phones frantically texting people, oh my....I just sat there trying to figure out what to say. I finally threw my hands up and said something like "you two need to keep going to therapy together (which they do), and the girlfriend said she's not going to F*#&%&#$& therapy again. I said you both lack problem solving skills and kindly got up and said good bye. I tried to tell them it was no big deal, they were already going to be at the hall three hours early, just be ready a half hour early. What had an easy solution was blown into a massive quarrel.
Now that I have had a week to think about it, I still have no idea what to think. All I can see is CPS incoming fast after the baby's born. I will call them myself. The mother actually admitted telling them both they were "stuck at age 13", which is where I got that from. ****shaking my head***, but keeping my patience. For now.
Now, it's hard to fathom. These two women, mother and daughter, live together and are at each other's throats. The dad/husband is off working non stop to support these two. Neither have ever worked. They get whatever they want, when they want it....both of them...utter chaos, selfishness, no self awareness, haven't a clue. Son has spoiled girlfriend rotten, her parents have too. All she see's my son for is a "free ride" and a sperm donor. There really is no shame. And, all the while they claim to be God fearing, worshiping people. Every time I turn around, they are telling me, don't worry God will fix it, then asking for some type of free hand out.
My biggest fear is that Son will get out, be trying to focus, trying to get his business back on the path of success, where it was before he went to jail, and he will not be able to cope with her constant demands...setting himself up for failure....resorting back to his "bad" coping skills--by quitting his mental health medications and self medicating with illegal substances. I once watched her throw a massive tantrum bc Son bought her an android phone instead of the latest iphone. I just can't...but I feel like I have to tolerate her.
Anyway, this is where I am at. I wrote him a letter explaining my fears. My mother said I should not have sent the letter about my fears, but I did it anyway. I felt he had to hear it, and best to hear it while he was incarcerated, then on his way to inpatient. No time like the present to get my fears written to him in black and white. He will get what I'm trying to say.
He told me last night, he was going to get out, try to be the gentle but hardworking provider he knows he can be, and if girlfriend doesn't appreciate it, he will go the joint custody or whatever he can get given his disposition, arrangement, then move on.
Time will tell.
For now I continue to do the things most important to me and the rest of the family. And love him from the distance he created this time.
cool beans, thanks IC. IS there a flying pig one for Pigless? 
