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Advice for cutter, depression
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 149975" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm also concerned for your daughter, because there is a part of this where he could be using her concern to validate his own pain. In other words, her sympathy could be making him dwell on his problems more than he should, instead of actually trying to fix things. easy child 2/difficult child 2's ex-boyfriend was a lot like this - he also had abandonment issues even though his mother still lived in the same flat (technically). But he would lean on easy child 2/difficult child 2 with a "poor me" routine, as if asking her to make it all better (in other words, putting her into the mother role, like a substitute). I'm not belittling his problems, they were quite significant, but he was still very much the little five year old boy waiting for his mummy to come home. He needed to wake up and realise, Mummy is NOT coming home because she's out nightclubbing again, and stop being held hostage to her possessiveness and get the courage to stand on his own. (I believe he finally has done this.)</p><p></p><p>What is needed in this case - therapy, preferably from a health professional and not another teenager. While she is there for him so much, it takes the pressure of his need to get professional help. Maybe she needs to either set him a time limit, such as "I'll let you talk about this for half an hour, then no more. After that we will talk about other things." She needs to be his friend, not his therapist. Because until she forces this issue, he won't be as inclined to reach out for the help he desperately needs; she is constantly releasing the pressure just that little bit for him.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 149975, member: 1991"] I'm also concerned for your daughter, because there is a part of this where he could be using her concern to validate his own pain. In other words, her sympathy could be making him dwell on his problems more than he should, instead of actually trying to fix things. easy child 2/difficult child 2's ex-boyfriend was a lot like this - he also had abandonment issues even though his mother still lived in the same flat (technically). But he would lean on easy child 2/difficult child 2 with a "poor me" routine, as if asking her to make it all better (in other words, putting her into the mother role, like a substitute). I'm not belittling his problems, they were quite significant, but he was still very much the little five year old boy waiting for his mummy to come home. He needed to wake up and realise, Mummy is NOT coming home because she's out nightclubbing again, and stop being held hostage to her possessiveness and get the courage to stand on his own. (I believe he finally has done this.) What is needed in this case - therapy, preferably from a health professional and not another teenager. While she is there for him so much, it takes the pressure of his need to get professional help. Maybe she needs to either set him a time limit, such as "I'll let you talk about this for half an hour, then no more. After that we will talk about other things." She needs to be his friend, not his therapist. Because until she forces this issue, he won't be as inclined to reach out for the help he desperately needs; she is constantly releasing the pressure just that little bit for him. Marg [/QUOTE]
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