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Advice for family on the edge?
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<blockquote data-quote="LostSF" data-source="post: 363444"><p>Thank you everyone for your welcomes and thoughtful replies and suggestions. It really is quite comforting to know I'm not alone in all of this.</p><p></p><p>We haven't taken my SD for any kind of testing, and my wife is somewhat resistant to the idea because she's clinging to the idea that SD is just going through a phase. SD gets reasonably good grades at school, and hasn't been in serious trouble there or with the law either. But her homeroom teacher seems to dislike her, and that's a common theme in her life: people like her at first but after a while find her too difficult to be around, and sooner or later they stop trying. This includes most of her classmates at school, and most of her relatives too. We had her volunteering at a local shop in the hope it would teach her some responsibility, and while he was happy with her at first, the owner recently politely hinted that she shouldn't come back.</p><p></p><p>From what I've read, she has many symptoms of a sociopathic disorder -- glib and superficial, lack of remorse or guilt, lack of empathy, deceitful and manipulative and shallow emotions. This also very much describes her birth father, so she comes by it naturally. I'm not a psychiatrist, but it seems like enough of a description of her behaviour that it makes me afraid of what the future holds for her (and us).</p><p></p><p>In terms of the rules she's breaking, I guess I'd describe it as a lot of little things.</p><p></p><p>For example, she was giving out her personal contact info (full name, home address, school name) to strangers on the Internet. Strangers who were asking her to send "sexy pictures" of herself to them. We explained to her how dangerous this was but she said she didn't care, so we took away her Internet access at home. But she's still using it when she goes to her friend's house and not trying to hide it from us, even though she knows that's against the rules. We've asked her friends' parents to keep her off the Internet, but they're not always home and don't seem overly willing to police our daughter when they are.</p><p></p><p>This week, she let the tub overflow causing a leak (and significant damage) in the ceiling, and somehow put a hole in the drywall in her room. In both cases she's denied knowing how it happened, and won't take any responsibility for it. I know she's at an awkward age when accidents can happen, but it's her complete lack of caring and taking some kind of responsibility for it that really concerns me.</p><p></p><p>And she's apparently been telling the kids at school that she's had sex. For various reasons we believe she's lying about that to try and seem cool, but I don't think it will be long before it's the truth. She keeps trying to make plans to see a few different guys, and then telling us she's just going out with her friends. We've caught her doing this a few times and she confesses that she wasn't being honest, but she continues to try and see them without our knowing.</p><p></p><p>We recently grounded her for two and took away her music for lying to us, but since then she's been even more... difficult? Vengeful? I'm not sure the best word for it.</p><p></p><p>And tonight she had a breakthrough of sorts at therapy (my wife attended the session with her). She admitted that she's seriously thinking about running away. First she said she'd go and live with her Dad, but later realized that she would be even less happy there (he's very controlling and would use emotional abuse to make her "behave"). So then she said she'd have to come up with some other plan for leaving home. It left my wife in tears, and now I feel even more unsure of what we're supposed to do.</p><p></p><p>It feels like we're locked in a power struggle with her and every time we think we're gaining some ground, she goes out of her way to show us that's not the case. We feel like we have to monitor her every word and action, but it feels like a losing battle. It's exhausting and demoralizing.</p><p></p><p>But I know I'm preaching to the choir here, and that many of you have much more difficult situations than we do. But it does really feel like we're on the edge of a precipice.</p><p></p><p>Thank you again for letting me vent, and for any other advice you may have.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LostSF, post: 363444"] Thank you everyone for your welcomes and thoughtful replies and suggestions. It really is quite comforting to know I'm not alone in all of this. We haven't taken my SD for any kind of testing, and my wife is somewhat resistant to the idea because she's clinging to the idea that SD is just going through a phase. SD gets reasonably good grades at school, and hasn't been in serious trouble there or with the law either. But her homeroom teacher seems to dislike her, and that's a common theme in her life: people like her at first but after a while find her too difficult to be around, and sooner or later they stop trying. This includes most of her classmates at school, and most of her relatives too. We had her volunteering at a local shop in the hope it would teach her some responsibility, and while he was happy with her at first, the owner recently politely hinted that she shouldn't come back. From what I've read, she has many symptoms of a sociopathic disorder -- glib and superficial, lack of remorse or guilt, lack of empathy, deceitful and manipulative and shallow emotions. This also very much describes her birth father, so she comes by it naturally. I'm not a psychiatrist, but it seems like enough of a description of her behaviour that it makes me afraid of what the future holds for her (and us). In terms of the rules she's breaking, I guess I'd describe it as a lot of little things. For example, she was giving out her personal contact info (full name, home address, school name) to strangers on the Internet. Strangers who were asking her to send "sexy pictures" of herself to them. We explained to her how dangerous this was but she said she didn't care, so we took away her Internet access at home. But she's still using it when she goes to her friend's house and not trying to hide it from us, even though she knows that's against the rules. We've asked her friends' parents to keep her off the Internet, but they're not always home and don't seem overly willing to police our daughter when they are. This week, she let the tub overflow causing a leak (and significant damage) in the ceiling, and somehow put a hole in the drywall in her room. In both cases she's denied knowing how it happened, and won't take any responsibility for it. I know she's at an awkward age when accidents can happen, but it's her complete lack of caring and taking some kind of responsibility for it that really concerns me. And she's apparently been telling the kids at school that she's had sex. For various reasons we believe she's lying about that to try and seem cool, but I don't think it will be long before it's the truth. She keeps trying to make plans to see a few different guys, and then telling us she's just going out with her friends. We've caught her doing this a few times and she confesses that she wasn't being honest, but she continues to try and see them without our knowing. We recently grounded her for two and took away her music for lying to us, but since then she's been even more... difficult? Vengeful? I'm not sure the best word for it. And tonight she had a breakthrough of sorts at therapy (my wife attended the session with her). She admitted that she's seriously thinking about running away. First she said she'd go and live with her Dad, but later realized that she would be even less happy there (he's very controlling and would use emotional abuse to make her "behave"). So then she said she'd have to come up with some other plan for leaving home. It left my wife in tears, and now I feel even more unsure of what we're supposed to do. It feels like we're locked in a power struggle with her and every time we think we're gaining some ground, she goes out of her way to show us that's not the case. We feel like we have to monitor her every word and action, but it feels like a losing battle. It's exhausting and demoralizing. But I know I'm preaching to the choir here, and that many of you have much more difficult situations than we do. But it does really feel like we're on the edge of a precipice. Thank you again for letting me vent, and for any other advice you may have. [/QUOTE]
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