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Advice needed - mother who is a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 160569" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>My mother was similar. I think I was about 5 when I had figured out she wasn't quite right in the head. And if a 5 yr old can figure that out, it give you a pretty good idea of how bad it must have been.</p><p> </p><p>My mother is mentally ill. I became certain when I was in Jr High. I found her medications shortly after. (which she didn't take long)</p><p> </p><p>As an adult I made the decision that I could/would only have a relationship with her if she could treat me with basic repect. Didn't have to be love or affection, I'd long since figured out that wasn't gonna happen.</p><p> </p><p>Since my mother is paranoid as heck, a religious fanatic in the truest sense of the word, and many other things it has been a rocky road. But I don't and won't take her nonsense. When she gets over critical and I can't get her to stop it is time for her to leave or the phone call to end. When she's paranoid I ignore it as I've done most of my life. </p><p> </p><p>I was raised by my grandmother to treat my mother with respect no matter what. Afterall without her I wouldn't be here. And I've pretty much managed that. BUT that doesn't mean that I have to take her abuse, and I don't. It's gotten me disowned more times than I can count. But when I don't go running to her, she eventually comes to me.</p><p> </p><p>It has taken her many many years to get it through her head that I won't put up with her abuse. But these last several years it has stopped. I still get to listen to the other stuff, but she really can't help that. So I let it slide off my back.</p><p> </p><p>I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to decide what you want, what you will and will not tolerate and draw that line in the sand and stick to it. in my opinion a relationship that is abusive is not a relationship. So if she can't learn to treat you properly so that you can develop one then you didn't lose anything to begin with. (does that make sense?)</p><p> </p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 160569, member: 84"] My mother was similar. I think I was about 5 when I had figured out she wasn't quite right in the head. And if a 5 yr old can figure that out, it give you a pretty good idea of how bad it must have been. My mother is mentally ill. I became certain when I was in Jr High. I found her medications shortly after. (which she didn't take long) As an adult I made the decision that I could/would only have a relationship with her if she could treat me with basic repect. Didn't have to be love or affection, I'd long since figured out that wasn't gonna happen. Since my mother is paranoid as heck, a religious fanatic in the truest sense of the word, and many other things it has been a rocky road. But I don't and won't take her nonsense. When she gets over critical and I can't get her to stop it is time for her to leave or the phone call to end. When she's paranoid I ignore it as I've done most of my life. I was raised by my grandmother to treat my mother with respect no matter what. Afterall without her I wouldn't be here. And I've pretty much managed that. BUT that doesn't mean that I have to take her abuse, and I don't. It's gotten me disowned more times than I can count. But when I don't go running to her, she eventually comes to me. It has taken her many many years to get it through her head that I won't put up with her abuse. But these last several years it has stopped. I still get to listen to the other stuff, but she really can't help that. So I let it slide off my back. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to decide what you want, what you will and will not tolerate and draw that line in the sand and stick to it. in my opinion a relationship that is abusive is not a relationship. So if she can't learn to treat you properly so that you can develop one then you didn't lose anything to begin with. (does that make sense?) (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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