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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 609398" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Rush, thanks for the clarification about the car and drugs. </p><p></p><p>A possible solution to the car thing, at least for now, is to put the money aside and make the car a reward for her getting a job and respecting you and your boundaries. Sometimes what is very helpful is to write a 'contract" which clearly states what your expectations are. That would also include how you are treated, no verbal abuse, no theft, taking her medications, looking for a job, helping around the house, clean up after herself, eat only the portion of food allocated for her........ EVERYTHING you would expect from a person renting a room in your home. Often one of the things that our kids need is structure, clear expectations and boundaries and very clear consequences if the rules aren't met. Sit down, present her with the contract and ask her if she can comply. If yes, ask her to sign it. </p><p></p><p>You may also want to cover your tracks and find out what exactly the eviction laws are in your state. Here in CA. even if the person is your own child in your home, you have to formally, by court order, evict them and give them notice. Just letting you know, because sometimes our kids know that info and throw that at us at the last moment, so it helps you to know the laws. </p><p></p><p>She has to learn that her behavior completely dictates whatever the outcome is. You have to learn to uphold that, no matter what. It can be quite challenging for everyone because it is such a big change, but you can do this. She has a month to get it together and with specific guidelines, I hope she can pull it off...........good luck. Keep us posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 609398, member: 13542"] Rush, thanks for the clarification about the car and drugs. A possible solution to the car thing, at least for now, is to put the money aside and make the car a reward for her getting a job and respecting you and your boundaries. Sometimes what is very helpful is to write a 'contract" which clearly states what your expectations are. That would also include how you are treated, no verbal abuse, no theft, taking her medications, looking for a job, helping around the house, clean up after herself, eat only the portion of food allocated for her........ EVERYTHING you would expect from a person renting a room in your home. Often one of the things that our kids need is structure, clear expectations and boundaries and very clear consequences if the rules aren't met. Sit down, present her with the contract and ask her if she can comply. If yes, ask her to sign it. You may also want to cover your tracks and find out what exactly the eviction laws are in your state. Here in CA. even if the person is your own child in your home, you have to formally, by court order, evict them and give them notice. Just letting you know, because sometimes our kids know that info and throw that at us at the last moment, so it helps you to know the laws. She has to learn that her behavior completely dictates whatever the outcome is. You have to learn to uphold that, no matter what. It can be quite challenging for everyone because it is such a big change, but you can do this. She has a month to get it together and with specific guidelines, I hope she can pull it off...........good luck. Keep us posted. [/QUOTE]
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