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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 617004" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is going to sound so terrible Rush, but...can you let her go with an open heart? That is what you need to do for your own sake, I think. You said it, yourself: "I cannot stop her." As she has done this dangerous, foolish thing before, she probably really is going to do it again. </p><p></p><p>And when she does? It will be with utter disregard for how it affects you. </p><p></p><p>That is so cold, Rush. </p><p></p><p>This kind of thing does not happen to other parents. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how you survived it the first time. Now, she's making that same pick, again. </p><p></p><p>This is like, every mother's worst nightmare. </p><p></p><p>Which are the things, the tools and techniques, that will help you survive it and come out the other side healthy and strong, Rush? That is the only choice your daughter is leaving you. To choose a life of fearful anxiety, or to figure out a way to live strong, whatever your daughter chooses, and whatever the consequences of those choices. </p><p></p><p>Not fair, is it. It is what it is, though.</p><p></p><p>I keep thinking about Scott G's post about recognizing and accepting who our kids are and not judging or trying to change them. Once we do that, we are free. Once we are free, fear for the kids becomes a manageable thing.</p><p></p><p>We accept what is.</p><p></p><p>We love them, we let them go. What we are left with is witnessing the stories our determinedly self-destructive children weave of their lives. The only choice we have the power to make is whether to choose to be healthy and strong in the face of that fearsome reality, or not.</p><p></p><p>It isn't a simple thing. I am struggling so hard Rush, to learn to do this for myself. I think I am turning a corner, here. Since my daughter's beating, I have been waking up and going to sleep (or to sleeplessness) from the bottom of a version of h*** even I never imagined.</p><p></p><p>There isn't another choice for us, Rush. </p><p></p><p>Fear, or determined reclamation of purpose and joy.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 617004, member: 17461"] This is going to sound so terrible Rush, but...can you let her go with an open heart? That is what you need to do for your own sake, I think. You said it, yourself: "I cannot stop her." As she has done this dangerous, foolish thing before, she probably really is going to do it again. And when she does? It will be with utter disregard for how it affects you. That is so cold, Rush. This kind of thing does not happen to other parents. I don't know how you survived it the first time. Now, she's making that same pick, again. This is like, every mother's worst nightmare. Which are the things, the tools and techniques, that will help you survive it and come out the other side healthy and strong, Rush? That is the only choice your daughter is leaving you. To choose a life of fearful anxiety, or to figure out a way to live strong, whatever your daughter chooses, and whatever the consequences of those choices. Not fair, is it. It is what it is, though. I keep thinking about Scott G's post about recognizing and accepting who our kids are and not judging or trying to change them. Once we do that, we are free. Once we are free, fear for the kids becomes a manageable thing. We accept what is. We love them, we let them go. What we are left with is witnessing the stories our determinedly self-destructive children weave of their lives. The only choice we have the power to make is whether to choose to be healthy and strong in the face of that fearsome reality, or not. It isn't a simple thing. I am struggling so hard Rush, to learn to do this for myself. I think I am turning a corner, here. Since my daughter's beating, I have been waking up and going to sleep (or to sleeplessness) from the bottom of a version of h*** even I never imagined. There isn't another choice for us, Rush. Fear, or determined reclamation of purpose and joy. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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