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General Parenting
Advice on marrying a dad with-child in group home
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<blockquote data-quote="Loveable" data-source="post: 390044"><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">I have been dating for 5yrs this amazing guy, who is the divorced dad of a teen son living in a group home. I love the dad for who he is, and I respect him for being a supportive parent maintaining a steady presence in the life of his child to this day. Thing is... we've been talking marriage for years now (he started)- even broke-up for 2 months in past talking about this bc he was reluctant and evasive not liking my answers to his questions of what I thought a joint future could be like for us. But we got back together without the pressure of talking marriage- that was 3yrs ago.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">There is a scenario whereby his teen living in group home now and I hear that for the child's "best interest" that 1) he never be told about our marriage, and 2) that I "never" met him (even when married). I am all for doing what is right for the child first, but I ask myself: if this is truly the best approach... a life of "secrecy" for the dad, and exclusion for the child? And aren't we in </span><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">essence creating a worse-case scenerio for the day the teen finds out about having been "lied" to? As someone who will leave group home when adult, I think... are we really preparing this teen for the real-world by hiding things from him as opposed to dialoguing and helping him adjust to real life? Not looking to be an additional opinion to the biological parents, but looking to maintain as clear a conscience as I can with myself truly...</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Thoughts on the above, please?</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Loveable, post: 390044"] [FONT=Tahoma]I have been dating for 5yrs this amazing guy, who is the divorced dad of a teen son living in a group home. I love the dad for who he is, and I respect him for being a supportive parent maintaining a steady presence in the life of his child to this day. Thing is... we've been talking marriage for years now (he started)- even broke-up for 2 months in past talking about this bc he was reluctant and evasive not liking my answers to his questions of what I thought a joint future could be like for us. But we got back together without the pressure of talking marriage- that was 3yrs ago.[/FONT] [FONT=Tahoma]There is a scenario whereby his teen living in group home now and I hear that for the child's "best interest" that 1) he never be told about our marriage, and 2) that I "never" met him (even when married). I am all for doing what is right for the child first, but I ask myself: if this is truly the best approach... a life of "secrecy" for the dad, and exclusion for the child? And aren't we in [/FONT][FONT=Tahoma]essence creating a worse-case scenerio for the day the teen finds out about having been "lied" to? As someone who will leave group home when adult, I think... are we really preparing this teen for the real-world by hiding things from him as opposed to dialoguing and helping him adjust to real life? Not looking to be an additional opinion to the biological parents, but looking to maintain as clear a conscience as I can with myself truly...[/FONT] [FONT=Tahoma]Thoughts on the above, please?[/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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