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Advice on marrying a dad with-child in group home
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 390376" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Many years ago, when husband was a friend I saw sometimes who had another girlfriend, I was going out with a guy who said he wanted to marry me. But I was still young (just 18) and he was 23. We were both studying and he didn't want anyone to know we were engaged. So - no ring. No telling anybody. No setting a date - we had plenty of time. </p><p></p><p>Looking back, I realise this guy was dangling marriage in front of me to try to get into my pants. He did not succeed - but that is another story. The thing is, there were lots of little secrets I never really recognised until after I was out of that relationship.</p><p></p><p>I'd like to say I was the one who walked away, but I was not. He broke up with me, not the other way around. I was devastated - we had so much in common. Or so I thought. Until I was able to take a few steps back, take off the rose-coloured glasses, and realise that I had invested far more in the relationship than he had. </p><p></p><p>It's like investing in a business. If you have a partner who is also investing in the business, and if the business is doing well, then there is no problem. If the business is not doing so well, then you meet with all involved and discuss what to do - keep the business afloat, or cut losses? But what if the business seems to be doing well, but is in reality a ponzi scheme? At first you pour in more money to try to salvage it, thinking that having already invested so much, you want to at least give yourself a chance of getting back something on your investment... if the business is legit then you have a chance. But if you are pouring money down the drain, you only end up losing more.</p><p></p><p>It is possible that someone in the boy's group home has actually advised the boy's father to not remarry; or if he does, to keep it from the boy. But I cannot see how such advice could be countenanced, ever. We on this site have heard some horror stories at times of professionals at various places breaking the rules badly, or doing/saying some darn fool things. But really - if they genuinely said that to this man of yours, and he has NOT argued back but simply shrugged and said, "OK..." then I seriously doubt that any marriage you have with him would be a real commitment form him.</p><p></p><p>Before you marry him, check that his divorce degree is genuine. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 390376, member: 1991"] Many years ago, when husband was a friend I saw sometimes who had another girlfriend, I was going out with a guy who said he wanted to marry me. But I was still young (just 18) and he was 23. We were both studying and he didn't want anyone to know we were engaged. So - no ring. No telling anybody. No setting a date - we had plenty of time. Looking back, I realise this guy was dangling marriage in front of me to try to get into my pants. He did not succeed - but that is another story. The thing is, there were lots of little secrets I never really recognised until after I was out of that relationship. I'd like to say I was the one who walked away, but I was not. He broke up with me, not the other way around. I was devastated - we had so much in common. Or so I thought. Until I was able to take a few steps back, take off the rose-coloured glasses, and realise that I had invested far more in the relationship than he had. It's like investing in a business. If you have a partner who is also investing in the business, and if the business is doing well, then there is no problem. If the business is not doing so well, then you meet with all involved and discuss what to do - keep the business afloat, or cut losses? But what if the business seems to be doing well, but is in reality a ponzi scheme? At first you pour in more money to try to salvage it, thinking that having already invested so much, you want to at least give yourself a chance of getting back something on your investment... if the business is legit then you have a chance. But if you are pouring money down the drain, you only end up losing more. It is possible that someone in the boy's group home has actually advised the boy's father to not remarry; or if he does, to keep it from the boy. But I cannot see how such advice could be countenanced, ever. We on this site have heard some horror stories at times of professionals at various places breaking the rules badly, or doing/saying some darn fool things. But really - if they genuinely said that to this man of yours, and he has NOT argued back but simply shrugged and said, "OK..." then I seriously doubt that any marriage you have with him would be a real commitment form him. Before you marry him, check that his divorce degree is genuine. Marg [/QUOTE]
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