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Advice on marrying a dad with-child in group home
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 390507" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>A whole lot would depend on what was the reason the child was in the group home. Is the child dangerous or aggressive? We have had parents here who have had to move and not tell older teen kids because the kids were a danger to the family - a real physical danger. At one point we were afraid that we would end up having to do that with Wiz, but he was able to turn himself around. </p><p> </p><p>Unless it is that extreme a situation, AND you can speak to some people at the group home and verify this, there is NO WAY that I would continue a relationship with this man. He does NOT want a life partner, an equal. If he did you would have met his son or would have some very clear reasons why it was not possible. If it is not possible he would still have a lot of emotions and stress over this and would communicate with you and need your support to help him with them. That is not happening.</p><p> </p><p>Your instincts are sending up red flags in a very real way. NEVER distrust your instincts. PERIOD. They are the way the universe guides us away from things that are completely wrong for us. If you go against your instincts you will wind up making the biggest mistakes of your life. </p><p> </p><p>This man has not made you his partner. He has kept you completely out of one entire area of his life. People who want to create solid marriages do NOT do this. there is no way a true marriage can exist with one partner excluding the other from an area as large as the one that his son is in.</p><p> </p><p>What would happen if you married and had children with him? Where would he spend the holidays? What if your child had the same birthday as his child? Which child woudl be the priority? How would you feel when you and your kids came up second to his child in the group home and you could never interact with this child to see why you couldn't have him as part of your family?</p><p> </p><p>Cut the relationship off now if you have any desire for a true relationship. This man is NOT willing to be a real partner/husband to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 390507, member: 1233"] A whole lot would depend on what was the reason the child was in the group home. Is the child dangerous or aggressive? We have had parents here who have had to move and not tell older teen kids because the kids were a danger to the family - a real physical danger. At one point we were afraid that we would end up having to do that with Wiz, but he was able to turn himself around. Unless it is that extreme a situation, AND you can speak to some people at the group home and verify this, there is NO WAY that I would continue a relationship with this man. He does NOT want a life partner, an equal. If he did you would have met his son or would have some very clear reasons why it was not possible. If it is not possible he would still have a lot of emotions and stress over this and would communicate with you and need your support to help him with them. That is not happening. Your instincts are sending up red flags in a very real way. NEVER distrust your instincts. PERIOD. They are the way the universe guides us away from things that are completely wrong for us. If you go against your instincts you will wind up making the biggest mistakes of your life. This man has not made you his partner. He has kept you completely out of one entire area of his life. People who want to create solid marriages do NOT do this. there is no way a true marriage can exist with one partner excluding the other from an area as large as the one that his son is in. What would happen if you married and had children with him? Where would he spend the holidays? What if your child had the same birthday as his child? Which child woudl be the priority? How would you feel when you and your kids came up second to his child in the group home and you could never interact with this child to see why you couldn't have him as part of your family? Cut the relationship off now if you have any desire for a true relationship. This man is NOT willing to be a real partner/husband to you. [/QUOTE]
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